Difficult People Making You Uncomfortable?

Recovery Tapping - Heal Your Past - Create Your Future.

There are many types of "Difficult People". They go by different names, Emotional Vampires, bullys, difficult, toxic, unsafe, drama queens, users, Axis II Personality Disorders, chronic complainers, manipulators, energy drainers and some other words not so nice.

But the focus here is not on them.

It's on you.

Sure dealing with energy suckers can be draining. Their behavior abusive, controlling, demeaning. The emotional reaction you have can be very distracting. The meaning that you place in what it means about you when they do or say the things they do and say is where your crisis-opportunity lies.

But, they can be the best seminars in town. Teaching us about our buttons and limits, about what we expect and can't accept, about the stories we tell ourselves about ourselves. Stories that can be edited.

When you focus on the lack, the pain, the anger, you are stuck in the unresolved hurt that has not moved through the learning process of acceptance.

When your focus is on them and your emotional reaction, your energy is stuck there. It cannot move on, it cannot process. Energy is like food; if not processed it rots.

Energy needs to keep moving, like blood. When your energy spikes it is a teachable moment. Teaching you about your weaknesses, your strengths, your issues, your values, your fears, your boundaries.

I have heard that in school you learn a lesson and then you are given a test. But in life you are given a test and then you learn a lesson. I have also read that once you learn the lesson, the difficult people cease being a problem in your life. The real lesson is to resist the urge to focus on them and look at you - even if it's not your fault and you did nothing wrong. I said focus on you - not blame yourself.

Vampires suck. Energy.

But you allow it. You invite them in. You offer your neck. Until you want something different and learn a difficult lesson. You teach others how to treat you by what you allow. Are you accomodating? Are you here for their amusement? Do you want to change?

Then get used to being uncomfortable. Get uncomfortable. Get familuar with uncomfortable. Get comfortable with uncomfortable.

Get used to saying no.

Get used to saying no and then saying no more.

Get used to uncomfortable silences.

Get used to not caring what others think about you.

Get used to being seen as the bad guy, the one who won't give in or give up and won't play the game anymore. The one who won't let the other one win so they aren't uncomfortable.

Face your challenges and feel how uncomfortable they are.
Face your fears and feel how scary they are.
Feel your hurts and feel how enraged you are.
But do nothing. Say nothing. Just breathe.
Just be. Just be here. Just be here now.

Step out of your comfort zone.
Learn a new step.
Learn the two step. The side step. Learn to block. Learn to bounce back.
Learn to be uncomfortable.

Where do you feel it in your body?
Describe it.
Send love to it.
Imagine moving it 3 inches down from where ever it is.
Learn to move what you feel in your body.
Learn to send love to places in your body that feel uncomfortable.
Breath into it. Relax.
Stop holding your breath.
Exhale.

Stand in your center, keep your knees slightly bent so you cannot get pushed over so easily. Relax your shoulders but raise your chin. Look certain. Look forward.
Move forward. From where ever you are, you can take a baby step forward.
Stand there and take over that spot. Tune into something good you know you are. Imagine it is 100 times greater than you think it is.

Imagine something more that you want that you think you lack. Imagine it as a coat and put it on. Try it on for size. Get used to it. Keep putting it on.

Imagine something uncomfortable that you hate and peel it off of you. Take it off like shedding an old skin. Peel it off and throw it on the floor and let it pile up in front of you. Continue peeling until it is all off. Put your new coat on. Send love to the pile on the floor. Move it 3 inches forward. If you can move it 3 inches forward you can move it a million light years out into the vast universe beyond never to be seen again.

Sweep the floor. Clear a nice spot. Make a circle. Start throwing in everything that you want for yourself and your life and then step into it. Own it. That's your power circle. You can create one where ever you like. You can put a chair in it and make that your power chair. Sit down. Power up.

Did you know that intention moves energy?

To move your energy is as easy as imagining it moving. It works best with heat, like a laser or fire from your heart or the warmth of your hands. energy usually isn't cold, for example rubbing your hands together creates a warmth, a heat.

So imagine sending that heat into your energy, where ever you feel it in your system (your body, your mind, your spirit, your aura, your meridian pathways, your space, your energy system)and get that heat to make that energy move. Try it. If it doesn't move then just keep sending energy into it. Use your attention and your intention and warm it until it melts and starts to drip, ooze, flow or evaporate. It can be different for everyone or for every time you try it.

Take for example that uncomfortable feeling. Imagine you are in the most uncomfortable situation you can imagine. What do you feel? Where do you feel it? Send energy there and warm it up until it can move.

Once it is heated up and soft and light it can move anywhere it wants it. Just allow it to move. Move it anywhere in or out of your system. Your energy has a mind of its own and knows where it wants to go. Allow it to go there.

Now mix and match these energy tools and play around with them until you get it right for you.

So that the next time you are sitting there feeling uncomfortable. Don't just sit there. Send love to it. Notice it. Send warm energy to it from your hands or your heart or your mind. These are ancient energy tools passed down from the ages. The only problem with a feeling is when it is stuck. It's usually stuck because it is blocked. A block in the energy system can be felt as a body sensation. Put your attention on that area and notice it like it is a little child that needs a warm blanket. Once the child is warm, or has rested or has gotten attention or has been fed it naturally wants to get up and move again. When it needs you it will come near and get your attention again.

Give it your attention. Hold the intention that you will attend to it and you will feed it warm, loving energy.

Now if you give it an honest try and actually DO this for about ten minutes you will feel a change. Sometimes it takes longer. But once it is healed, its permenant. It's gone. It's no longer there. So you can heal yourself. You can heal your uncomfortable feelings.

After you have given it an honest try and have felt it move and have tuned into it. Then go back to that very uncomfortable situation that you imagined before and imagine it again, and this time see what you feel and where you feel it and how different it feels. It may feel a little less intense. But still a twinge is there, so send some love to it again. And again focus on it and breath warmth into it.

By the second, maybe sometimes third time, the uncomfortable situation won't bother you anymore. Ever. You can even try to make yourself uncomfortable about it and it just won't work. You have removed the block.

It is taught in meditation to focus on the breath. Breathe yourself out forward, come back to self and breath in. In and out like that for a period of time like 30 minutes. Every time a thought pops up you let it pop up, you let it go, you don't pay too much attention to it, you can notice it or ignore it but you focus your attention back on your breathing in and out. So this is the same thing. Whatever thoughts pop up while you are sending energy into your feelings, you can think them for a minute but for this to work always bring your attention back to sending the heat into it and getting it to move. You don't have to rush it, but you move it along, like sheep, time to go, time to get up and move, go out and play, come back when you need something, but keep the herd moving. You are the shepard of your energy.

And that is your energy lesson for today boys and girls.





MOVE OUT OF FEAR AND INTO CHOICES

J.P.Bailey, MA, EFT-CC
Mental Health Recovery Specialist
Energy Psychology Practitioner

Recovery Tapping for Emotional Freedom

Recovery Tapping for Emotional Freedom

TAP OUT OF FEAR AND INTO CHOICES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hi and Welcome back to Recovery Tapping where we "Tap" (an interesting body-mind technique based on acupuncture) to regain our Emotional Freedom.

Tapping on Emotional Problems releases the emotion so it can resolve itself, as this happens we literally watch them fade away. But what happens then?

We have a spontaneous cognitive shift. I'd like to say it's my brilliant use of tapping and that I'm a natural energy healer and it's all my years as a professional helper at work - but I've seen 10 year old kids pick it up quite fast and get just as amazing results. In fact there is this cute little "Tappy" bear that is for sale. There is a hospital in South American for children with cancer where they use Tappy Bear all the time to bring smiles and emotional relief from the stress of what they are going through.

So, all you have to do it learn the basic technique and that's pretty easy, there's even a short-cut. Memorize the 9-14 points to tap on, and aim it at anything and everything you can think of that causes you problems.

Tap on 10 issues a day and what might you look like in a year?

My entire life has changed around for the better and many others have too.

So what about that cognitive shift, what happens next. Well, once we feel calm about our emotional issue and we've tapped on it our minds can then think it through and we might accept more or feel it's time for a change or time for a new decision.

That's why it's so important to know what you want and know what you would prefer to have instead of this problem.

Dr. Pat Carrington developed the "Choices Method" which is basically tapping on your new choices. After tapping on a problem you then tap on a choice statement, such as, I now choose to take better care of myself more and more every day. You tap on that statement and at the next point you alternate it with the negative 'tail-ender' or aspect that may come up such as, "No, I won't" and you tap on that thought, then on the next point you repeat the new choice and on the next point you tap on the negative "I don't know how, no one ever taught me" and so on until you've done about three rounds and you can clearly tap on the new positive choice without any interference.

Now these are just the basics. I just go over them from time to time for the new readers. You can learn all about EFT for free at emofree.com of course, and you can read my blog posts to find out more about how to use it for codependency recovery.

Many of you have sent emails and some even were brave enough to post comments, I try and answer all emails. I want to thank you for taking the risk and talking about some of the pain you are going through in relationships. It's not easy when you're alone and in pain and have been isolating and depressed for so long.

But I want you to know, Number 1 that you are NOT alone, believe me, there are thousands and thousands of us out there, seek and find each other in groups online and off. There are alot of recovery connections and books to read others struggle.

Number 2 You are OK. You are enough. You are Good Enough.

Just say that to yourself and let it sink in for a change.

Just for today you can be OK and each day a little more. I used affirmations for months that were something like this:

"Every day and in every way I'm getting more and more ok. I'm getting used to being ok. It's ok to feel ok."

Using the words "more and more" and "getting used to" really helped me because after a long depression you really aren't used to feeling ok and you don't know that you could get more and more ok in the beginning of your recovery.

In the beginning you may be numb, angry or feeling nothing but pain. That's good! Feeling is a good thing because that is easy to Tap on. It's when you feel flat and not much of anything that it might be hard to even want to try anything.

But even with that there is a Tapping solution, Tap on "Even though I don't feel anything, I love and accept myself." "Even though I don't feel I love and accept myself, I love and accept myself."

So if you are used to feeling your feelings and processing them you already have an edge. You don't try to cover up the bad feelings by forcing positive affirmations on top of them. You can just go ahead and feel your feelings and tap while you are tuned into them and watch the miracles happen.

But I wanted to get back to some of your questions. Yes, I am still currently working on "Dating in Recovery Part III" and it will be put together with Part I, Part II and Part II continued. I'm making it into a nice little booklet that I will give away for free.

A free gift just for looking at my new site I'm launching for my new book "Emotional Freedom Techniques for Codependency Recovery" which is at www.RecoveryTapping.com.

OK, but what if you're going through hell right now?

There's a quote out there I heard years ago, "When you're going through hell, keep going."

Don't stop and stare.

Keep moving.

Or when in 'the hallway' (when one door closes and another one doesn't open yet), go window shopping or decorate.

Keep tapping.

Things will change and shift - they will anyway, nothing stays the same, but if you actively keep moving yourself then it will change better faster. Movement is life. Everything moves all the time. We never stop moving until we're dead. Flat lines are for dead people, so it's ok if you’re going up and down or spiraling around. Just keep moving.

It's OK to not feel OK. It really is all ok.

So what I've done below is taken a combination of several of your emails and put them together into questions you can ask yourself about being codependent and stuck and then a Tapping statement to tap on.


Do you suffer from people pleasing and feeling guilty?

If so, then tap on "Even though I suffer from people pleasing and feeling guilty all the time, I deeply and completely love and accept myself."

Do you feel guilty for things that do not belong to you or are not really your fault or your responsibility?

"Even though I take on other people's guilt, I love and accept myself."
"Even though I feel guilty just for wanting relief from my guilt, I love and accept myself.

That is just what I learned and I am learning new ways now. From now on I choose to feel free of guilt.

Do you put yourself in harm's way by being around alcoholics/addicts/abusive relatives, rage-aholics, and difficult people?

This is a tough one especially if you live with one. But you can start taking yourself out of the firing range. You can begin to put up a boundary between you and them that doesn't let the hooks dig into you as much. You can learn to focus on yourself rather than on other people's problems. Of course, if someone is being abusive to you start working on a plan to take care of and protect yourself. Start talking to someone about it.

"Even though I'm afraid to talk to anyone about my situation, I love and accept myself."

"Even though I've been hurt and feel stuck and am afraid I'll get hurt again, I love and accept myself."

It's amazing how tapping will help your mind shift into healthier thinking and help you take healthier actions. Take baby steps. Take nano steps if you have to. But keep moving.


Do you take disapproval and criticism very hard? Have you been accused of being too sensitive and emotional as if it's a bad thing? Do you feel nervous around certain family members or critical people?

"Even though I am sensitive and emotional, I love and accept myself just the way I am."

"Even though I feel afraid of critical people, I love and accept myself."

If you have been tapping on these issues, it's time to start asking yourself, "Now, what would I rather have instead?" And start tapping on that new choice after each tapping round.

Do you feel guilty when you do something for yourself?

"Even though I feel guilt when I take good care of myself or don't feel I deserve to treat myself better, I love and accept myself."

"I now choose to feel free and innocent and that it's perfectly fine to take good care of myself. From now on I take better care of myself."

When you start setting boundaries, you may feel awkward at first but you know, as an adult, you have the right to change your mind - even without explaining yourself to anyone.

You can stand firm in just saying, "I've changed my mind." period.

You are not obligated to give answers. You can also say, "I prefer....this or that." "I prefer not to get into this discussion."

You are only obligated to take care of your own needs and your business.

If you volunteer for something you can "unvolunteer" yourself by changing your mind. You can say you have something else to do or simply say you've changed your mind, if you need to, you can say something like, "I'm really sorry but it's just not going to work out for me this time."

When you get in panic mode, tap.

Tap while saying a prayer. Tap while saying the Serenity Prayer.

Tap for strength. Tap for guidance.

Tap for peace.

When a guilt trip is thrown at you, you don't have to take it to heart, you can just take it as a sign that the other person has issues and is reacting. They will even get used to it if you stick to your guns. You will begin to care less and less about what other people think about you as you continue tapping on your worst fears and deepest shame.

If you do decide to set a boundary and take care of yourself better instead, and you feel terrible about it later and guilty and shameful, acknowledge it, tap on it while you're feeling it, it will subside.

Don't go running back to people for forgiveness and end up doing more stuff for them for their approval. Tap on that anxiety first and see what happens.

Don't let anyone talk down to you or talk you down or talk you in or out of something. You can just say, "No, thanks. Have a nice day, gotta go." And walk away.

You can wait and do nothing and listen to your intuition.

Take care of yourself first just this afternoon, just for the rest of today, just for today. Just for an hour put your needs first, they deserve your attention too.

Connect with friends who encourage you to take care of yourself, all else will fall into place.

When you feel trapped, ask yourself what two choices do you feel trapped between? Then ask yourself where did you get only those two choices? Ask yourself what other choices might you have.

What other choices might someone else have in your situation? What would a rebel teenager say about your situation? What would a protective social worker or cop say? What would a wise teacher say? What would a fair, impartial judge say?

What does a brave adventurer say? What about a person with lots of tools, what would they say?

All these people are inside of you and more.

What does your wise self say?

What does your recovery part say?

What would your sponsor or coach say?

Just ask. When you put your fears and problems into questions and ask yourself these types of questions, your brain automatically goes searching for an answer. Sometimes it's easier to give support and advice to someone else than to yourself. So what if someone came to you with the problem you are having and they asked you for your help? What would you say or do for them? That is a good insight to what you can give yourself.

"Even though it's easier to help others than it is to help myself, I love and accept myself."

"Even though I'm afraid and I don't know what to do, I love and accept myself."

Give yourself permission to have choices. Allow yourself to hope but not expect.
Remember, regardless of what other people do or say, your life will continue on with little impact of what others choose to do with their life. Can always choose to let it go.

You can always start your day over.

You can Tap your way to Emotional Freedom, one day at a time.

If your are like me and are tired of the same old codependency books that just tell you how you got it, what the symptoms are and not much else on what to really DO about it to finally clear away the emotional triggers and pattern behaviors - then learn EFT - Energy Tapping and you can start getting clear tonight.

See my free report and my new book I wrote "EFT for Codependency Recovery" at www.RecoveryTapping.com

JP Bailey, MA
Emotional Freedom Coach
www.RecoveryTapping.com