Recovery Tapping is a path. Emotional Freedom Techniques is a tool. Use EFT to heal from emotional abuse and codependency. Great for Adult Children of Dysfunction - including parents with Personality Disorders. Takes the 'sting' out of emotional issues. Dissolves triggers and removes blocks that keep you stuck. Clears the issues that keep showing up in your relationships. When nothing else works, try Tapping. Try it on Everything!
Here's a neat twist on the Tapping method. Instead of 'Tapping' on problems, you can Tap on a measurement or gauge that you want to increase.
Say I ask you to rate your overall Energy Level from 1 -10. What number are you at right now? How high or low is your Energy?
Good, now write that number down.
Then go through the Metabolism Protocol and TAP your Energy Level UP!
When done Tapping a round or two, re-take your gauge and see what the number feels like now. Hopefully the number went up. Keep at it and your Energy-Body-Mind will follow along.
But, I thought, why stop there? Why not TAP to INCREASE anything that you can measure or gauge. Why not TAP to increase balance, strength, or even memory or mental clarity???
I figure why re-write the whole thing when I've had it in my Recovery Binder "Cream of the Crop" for years. I just scanned the thing in its entirety so you can learn it too. At the time I was working on my resistance to doing anything, like working out, because at the time I had mild depression and didn't know it. I just knew I had this huge resistance to doing what I wanted, as if I had to force myself and swim through honey just to get it done - and it felt like drudgery!
When I found the Metabolism Protocol, I thought that was a great way to increase my energy and my willingness to work out. As well as identify all the thoughts in my head that were discouraging me, so I could create Tapping Choices Statements and work on those.
It worked. I was able to get up off my butt and do some power walking and other exercise so I could burn off the food I was eating and counter-act the sedentary lifestyle I was living which mainly consisted of sitting at my lap top and laying on the couch watching TV.
Try it out. It's a fresh take on Tapping and you might just increase your energy in a real way that helps you this week.
Print that out and circle every feeling that gives you a little jolt or charge inside.
Notice there are positive feelings too, draw a box around the positive feelings you want more of.
There are some pretty charged words on that list, some may trigger you.... But, if you're done with being stuck with them and you're up for it, circle those words a couple times and get ready to do some Tapping on what they trigger in you so you can get free of them holding you back in life.
Just reading a word that hits the nail on the head, can cause a body sensation and open up Pandora's Box.
Page 2 is "RELATIONSHIP PROBLEMS" which goes perfectly with my Tapping on Codependency book. For this one, I would suggest listing more than one person for each word that you resonated with.
Remember, you may pick a word you feel now and you're thinking of a recent break-up, but digging deeper, you see you felt the same way about other people in your past, and if you thought about it, you'd inevitably find yourself thinking of a relative that made you feel the same way.
Hooray, you found a pattern, an inner part, an identity, a belief within you that you can heal yourself. You can re-process and re-organize any pattern, part, identity or belief with the right tools.
The fastest way to find out which relative or memory it stems from is to ask yourself, "What does this word remind me of" and have an open mind as you see who or what comes up.
So, you want to TAP on BOTH the recent person that made you feel that way, and the relative that made you feel that way when you were younger, and took it to heart, and started to believe what that must have thought about you.
Recovery Tapping says, "What they think about you is wrong".
Clearing out and healing the Part of you, that up to now, believed they were right, is the key to transformation.
With that belief about yourself gone, you can get back to who you really are, Have compassion for yourself. Be nice to yourself.
Because the present YOU knows the TRUTH about you, and what anyone else thinks of you is of no consequence really because thoughts can't affect you. Their thoughts..., which you can never hear or know or realize are mostly focused on themselves. Other people's thoughts can't hurt you. What you think they believe about you does not have to hold you back.
Once you've circled the words that feel intense or give you a negative charge, then begin one by one tapping on them. I'm sure you know how to tap by now and have already tried it, but if not or you are new, then I suggest you first go back and learn EFT and try Tapping on several things first and see how it works.
Once you have the confidence that with Tapping you can handle any feeling, you're ready to start digging up some old, buried ones.
I hope these feeling word and relationship problem words lists help you to uncover some things that you can start tapping on today that will change your life. I hope that you too can stop the direction they are pushing you in, and instead clear them up and with a clear head, reorient yourself to the here and now and decide what you want.
Knowing what you'd rather have instead is the key to making it happen. You have to know what you want. Well, its hard to know what you want with all these negative feelings and thoughts in the way. So the trick is to Tap on these one by one, and as you do, you feel neutral or less upset by them, you're thinking is clearer. You can start choosing what you want instead. Choose loving yourself. Choose seeing your skills and talents and see yourself in the near future practicing them. Choose self-compassion. Choose to be yourself. Choose to love and accept yourself and be free to do what you really want in life.
Then the real adventure begins. You will still have issues come up, but they'll be new ones, not the old stuff constantly never letting you out of the gate. When new issues come up now that you're out there living life and taking risks and being yourself more and more, you have tools to deal with them and you keep going.
Living is experiencing. Experiences are the only thing you can count on to have a least partial control over. You can steer yourself in any direction you want in life. There are stumbling blocks out there, its not always easy, but at least you're in the game instead of hiding out of fear and old emotional stuff holding you back.
JP Bailey, M.A.
Interested in EFT for Codependency Recovery?
Get Relief from Emotional Pain & Relationship Issues!
Blog: www.RecoveryTapping.blogspot.com
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Kindle Book: "EFT for Codependency"
To learn EFT Tapping and NLP Ninja is one thing; to practice it daily is another.
To help with that daily practice of emotional healing on the recovery journey, I put together some cheat sheets and made up some booklets, got them scanned in and now ready to upload here for you to be able to click the link below and download them or print them for yourself.
I'm also making a video to explain it just in case there are newbies and to add some tips for those already experienced and now want to keep going with recovery tapping.
It saved my life, it changed my life, for the better, and then later it transformed my life into much better. It's what I teach my clients and what I want available on my blog because there are millions of suffering victims and survivors who need all the help they can get. This is what I wish I had 20 or 30 years ago. I feel I learned it so I could eventually teach it to others and that has come true.
How to find a good (loving, kind) man (for once) for complex-trauma (toxic family) survivors who are tired of the selfish ones.
From the time I can remember first dating, I was always dating guys who were dysfunctional, or drug addicts, or cheaters, or worse.
As time went on, despite the fact that I wanted a family, my “man-compass” and my “man-picker” was completely skewed.
It just got worse over time. As an adult in my 30’s I wasted a lot of time in relationships that left me feeling drained and exhausted.
They cheated, they used me, they blew my money, they partied and they didn’t work much.
One was abusive and one was stalker-like and one was just plain crazy.
By the time I was hitting my 40’s I was so DONE.
I really WANTED change, but I had no idea how to change or what to change. I didn’t know what I was doing to attract these guys, so I had no idea what to do to attract anything different.
Luckily, I had begun my recovery journey work on myself which led me to using EFT Tapping on all my upsets and issues and it became clear to me that it was now time to start Tapping on my relationship issues.
After a year of doing just that, I took my personal program of Tapping on Codependency and wrote a book called, “Emotional Freedom Techniques for Codependency Recovery”.
But I did something else too….
I did an extensive RELATIONSHIP HISTORY so I could find my patterns.
I really had no idea the wealth of information that would come out of a Relationship History until I did one. I knew in a vague, general way that I had some sort of dysfunctional relationship pattern, but I was completely stumped on what they meant.
The Relationship History really showed me in black and white my patterns, my beliefs, and the red flags I should be paying more attention to.
I also learned 3 important things about myself that I really wasn’t aware of:
I had a belief deep down that good guys wouldn’t like me
I didn’t think I “deserved” a good guy despite the fact I had worked hard on myself to become not only a good person, but an educated, employed one who helped others.
I thought only ‘bad boys’ would put up with my shortcomings.
Once I saw these beliefs and came to terms with them (accepted them), it was time to TAP on these beliefs so I could clear and replace them with updated, healthier, more accurate beliefs.
A self-inventory also helped me.
I wrote down all my good characteristics. All of my strengths. All of my accomplishments. And, I wrote down all of the comments I heard from my friends and co-workers who liked me.
This was the foundation of my positive self-beliefs and EFT TAPPING was the method I used to clear the negative beliefs and program in my positive beliefs.
I was becoming more of the real me by doing this.
I was clearing away my past issues by doing this.
I was getting ready to date again, in a new way, with self-esteem and belief that I deserved and was worth a good man.
But I was not able to do that without a Relationship History so I would know what to watch out for.
I also had to do one more thing to get ready to date in a new way.
I needed to know what I really wanted in a man/relationship. So I wrote down a few lists I got out of a dating book:
List what I want in a man/relationship
List of things I never wanted to put up with again
List of negotiables, things I could work with because no one is perfect
Then I dated without straying from my lists.
My lists were like laws, if someone had any traits or behaviors from List 2, then they were out of my dating pool. No “if’s”, “and's” or “but’s”. They were refused any further dates and I moved on to the next date.
One reason why it's important to date several people at once over time is that you see you have options and it makes it easier to say “no” or “sorry, I’m not interested” to the ones who did not meet my List 1 traits.
So. to sum up, over a course of about 15 years, I had 3 serious relationships. All ended in 2 years or less. All ended with them cheating or being abusive. Two were ones where I literally had to move away to get away from. One gave me 6 stitches in my lip..
All of them left me with a mess to clean up, drained and exhausted.
I’d spend months and months alone in between trying to work on myself and get my life together.
But eventually I got lonely and desperate and would fall for the next (bad) one.
Like I said, after 15 years of this, I decided to try something different, so I did what I explained above. Then I dated.
I can’t teach you how to date. But there are plenty of good dating books out there with awesome tips. I know, I read at least 3 of them and came up with what worked for me.
But none of it would be possible without that Relationship History.
I decided to create a sample Relationship History Chart for you to fill out so you can start to flesh out your patterns and red flags too.
I think it would have been impossible for me to change my deeply-ingrained beliefs if it were not for EFT Tapping to help me clear them up, fast.
So, here is how to find a good, loving, kind man for once if you are recovering from complex trauma or toxic family patterns and are sick and tired of the selfish, abusive ones:
TAP on your issues and upsets so you have control over how you react and deal.
Write a list of what you really want. (TAP on all negative self-talk that comes up when you look at what you want).
Do a Relationship History.
Do a self-inventory of your positive traits you have to offer.
Write up your 3 Lists for dating.
Date.
That’s it in a nutshell.
I did and 9 months of fun, happy dating later, I met my soulmate. We have been together for 8 years now. It’s never been abusive. We are both completely loyal. We both go to work every day and we are always there for each other. He’s my best friend and I really think he saved my life in more ways than one.
We’ve had our share of fights and it's not perfect, but we’re not perfect beings. Dealing with relationship issues is another story. Relationships, no matter how good, tend to bring up our own issues that still need work. So if you continue to catch these and work on yourself, and there is real love, then you’ll do alright.
10 Fears Every Codependent Needs To Know, And the EFT
Tapping Tips To Fix Them
During a session with a woman
struggling with an abusive husband, she asked me, "As far as that
acupressure thing you do, do you rub the points and manipulate them to work
better, or what?"
I said, "No. Actually, you
use your fingers to Tap on each acupuncture point. ….Like tapping on a window
to get someone's attention…"
".....But the trick is to
have in mind what you are upset about while you Tap so you can tell if it
worked or not".
"Do you have any issues
you want to try Tapping on?
She says she's been trying to lose
weight. But she ate donuts for breakfast this morning and was still feeling
guilty about it.
So I said, "First, let's Tap on
the feelings of guilt so you see how this works, and then we'll go from there.
"OK", she said.
So, first we Tapped on Guilt.
I asked her on a SUDs scale of 1 to 10 how much guilt she had - and she said it
was a "9".
We did 1 full-round and got it down
to a "7", and then did a short-cut and got down to a "3".
She felt "over it".
Just to make sure, I said,
"Think back to this morning, you should be ashamed of yourself for eating all
those donuts".
She was calm, "Yeah, but
it doesn't bother me anymore".
Perfect. This is how I like to see
my clients "get it"; by experience.
She said now that the guilt was gone
she did have this other issue in her head.
I asked her, "How does that
issue make you feel?"
She answered, "Irritated
and angry!" She went on to tell the story…
"I gave him a ride to the
airport for a business trip where he'd be gone for over 2 weeks. We were stuck
there waiting for 4 hours. And, instead of spending those last few hours with
me, he was on his phone the whole time with his friends, some of them female, thanking
them for all their support. But I was the one all along helping him get this
job, and I was the one who drove for hours and did everything to get him ready,
but I had to just sit there doing nothing."
I asked, "On a scale of 1
to 10, irritated and angry you are"?
She said, "9".
So we Tapped on anger. She
went from a "9" down to a "5" and then down to a
"3".
During those rounds, I taught
her "Freestyle Tapping", where you Tap on each point and say whatever
comes to mind, and really get into it.
She even laughed a little
during the Freestyle Tapping. There's something funny about 2 women Tapping on
themselves while saying, "..that mother-**** ass
&%^&*" "I'm so (*&*) pissed right now"!! It's a huge relief to get that all out.
We discussed what fears were behind her guilt and we came up with:
10
Fears Codependents In Abusive Relationships Have To TAP On:
- Fear of feeling worthless
- Fear of feeling abandoned,
unwanted
- Fear of being a failure or at
fault
- Fear of leaving ex-asshole and
then he changes for the better and finds someone else
- Fear of staying with ex and being
strung along for another 5 years.
- Fear she is wrong
- Fear she did something wrong
- Fear it was all her fault, fear
she failed at fixing it or being good enough
- Fear she would breakdown or have
an uncontrollable outburst and embarrass herself
- Fear of being socially
ridiculed/looked down on, for such a huge mistake in judgment.
Know that there are thousands of women going through the same thing right now, tapping on their issues, on their way of renewing their (love) life. I know one more, and I have a feeling she is going to be feeling and doing a lot better by the next time I see her.
Please SHARE using Social Media Buttons Below. There's someone out there would will appreciate you for it.
Thank you! JP Bailey, M.A.
Interested in EFT for Codependency Recovery?
Get Relief from Emotional Pain & Relationship Issues!
