When I talk to people about Personality Disorders its usually to help them identify if they are related to or married to someone with a personality disorder. Its very common to not know for sure if someone they know or love has a PD or not. I hear it all the time.
It's perfectly normal to go through a phase of uncertainty while slowing becoming more and more aware of it. Tapping helps ease the emotional pain of that whole process.
As a psychologist I learned how to diagnose PDs and in my Tapping Practice I have mostly worked not with the PD person but the person who loved them and were most affected by them...in a negative way.
The first thing I do is validate their feeling that they might be dealing with a person who has a real PD. But I don't try to diagnose anyone. Mainly people who are already Tapping on their issues are more concerned with "what do I tap on?" or "how do I tap on issues if they are about someone who might have a PD or at least acts a lot like one?"
The first step in Tapping may be to embrace the idea that part of this whole problem is the self-doubt that surrounds it mostly because whenever you try and bring it up with the person or other people who know them, your viewpoint about their behavior is usually denied. Worse, they can become quite defensive, aggressive, punitive and disgruntled for you even mentioning it.
Personality Disorders, like drugs, live in denial. A huge part of denial is shock. Shock is the stage you can be in when you feel bewildered or confused and just "can't believe it". That's why when tragedy strikes we tend to say, "No!" We can't and don't want to believe such a terrible thing can be true.
I am going to write more on this whole topic in future posts. But for today I thought of a Tapping Round of what to say while Tapping to get started on this issue if you feel this might be you.
When I do Tap-A-Longs on a blog like this, I use the 'Short Cut' EFT Tapping Method:
Issue: "Not knowing if my relative/spouse has a personality disorder, but something's not right."
Tune into that feeling of "not knowing" or wondering if they have a personality disorder, and rate SUDs: _______
KC: Even though I don't know for sure if my relative has a personality disorder, I love and accept myself.
KC: Even though I'm confused about my relationship with my relative, but feel like something's just not right about it, I love and accept and validate myself.
KC: Even though I'm uncertain and I suffer from self-doubt about it, I can tap on it anyway as I love, accept and approve of myself.
EB: not sure if I'm related to or loving a person with a personality disorder
SE: unsure about their weird traits
UE: confused about their strange behavior
UN: confused about how they treat me
CH: unsure how they seem to twist things around
CB: confused about things they say
UA: can't ask them about it because they argue, deny it and say its all me
Next Round: Repeat EB - UA
Crown: I now release and let go of the struggle of not knowing for sure. Its ok not to know, I can tap on all the confusing thoughts and feelings anyway. (Release hand off Crown like throwing a Frisbee up and off and then shake your hands out.)
Take a deep breath.
Tune back into being unsure, uncertain, self-doubt and rate SUDS: _____
Optional: Repeat Tapping round with your own freestyle thoughts that come up about this.
I hope this helps you move forward with Tapping on the issues surrounding being in relationship with people who may have personality disorder traits.
Let me know if there is something you need help Tapping on when it comes to personality issues...
..Because the whole point of this blog is to get the information out there and help you with what took me decades to learn.
- J.P.Bailey, MA, EFT-CC
Emotional Freedom Coach