Friday, June 16, 2017

Self-Care for Narc Abuse Survivors |Narcissistic Abuse Syndrome Recovery

A couple months ago I came across a Success Log and what I liked about it was that the first question is:

1. What did I do well in the last 24 hours?

And the last question really grabbed my attention because it's not the question before it that asks "What is one thing I must do?" , it's the next question of what will you feel like if you have to "fight through" resistance to get that thing done? And what will you feel like if you don't?

And it reminded me at the end, that, no matter which I choose - to get something done and fight through the resistance or to lose the fight with resistance and procrastinate, both actions make the groove in your brain bigger.

I did not want to make my procrastination neuro pathway to get deeper or wider or longer. And we've seen these strings of ideas under the microscope. They have actually seen habits shrink when they aren't acted on anymore and new ones grow as they are acted on over time. It's amazing.

I want my mental groove or string of beliefs about having done an activity, got the experience of doing it, feeling good as a result, feeling proud I did it and satisfied knowing it's done.

I don't know, but something about all that put together really revved up my urge to move forward. This was a 'success log' I could live with, that actually helped me, rather than felt like a dream to do list that I could never achieve and wouldn't stick to.

But I have used the Success Log just about every day for a couple months now and I've gotten a lot done.  I LOVE thinking about what I did well in the last 24 hours - rather than jumping right into what I need to do tomorrow or what thing I got to try and force my mind to adopt and memorize and push myself to do.

I get to reflect on what I did well yesterday and that just feels good. I need to be able to generate good feelings like that on a regular basis to continue healing and re-wiring my brain to have a deeper, longer groove for doing things I want to do in my life.

Recovering, well first suffering from, and then recovering from complex trauma, I really struggeled with being able to 'want' anything. I was on survival mode and wanting something or asking for soemthing I wanted wasn't in my programming.

I remember in my 30's asking for the first time and I was so nervous I could barely stand it. I didn't get it but I was heard.

The next time was in my 40's and I remember literally shaking at the time and sort of holding my breath and bracing myself. I was heard and I got what I wanted. I don't even remember what it was now, I just remember knowing and preparing for having to speak up and force myself to ask for what I wanted.

So it's been a huge block in my life to go for what I want, even though I have and I've gotten a lot of what I went for. It was like a determined drive to get it - but I got it all on my own, I didn't ask anyone for help. It just wasn't allowed and I knew I'd get a "no" anyway, so I tried to just hold it down and make it best I could and accomplish things I wanted in life.

Back to the success log.

So the first question is What did I do well in the last 24 hours.

Question 2: what's the one thing I wnt to improve in the next 24 hours?

Question 3: What's one thing I can do differently to help make the mentioned improvement?

Question 4: How did I do in the last 24 hours with my progress on a scale of 1 to 10?

Question 5: What's one thing I MUST do?

Then the rest are reminders:  If I gotta fight through it, and face the discomfort and hardship? How will I feel if I win the fight-through? How will I feel if I lose it?

Rehearse your actions mentally. Find my brrier patterns. Do things to help decrease the barrier patterns. Train every day for what you ant. Doing or Procrastinating; both etch a groove in your mind.

There's a lot of new resaerch out ther about the magical effects of cultivating habits and getting passionate about daily routines that bring you closer to your goals.

For complex trauma survivors, there is an extra step needed; we have to learn how to re-frame the negative self-talk that comes up when we start acting toward what we want.

Luckily I know some fast healing and clearing tools like EFT and NLP to deal with the fight-through and the backlash of the inner critic.

I'm getting things done, but I also feel my confidence has increased. My sense of independent and free self has increased. My sense of self-pride and ambition has increased.  And I know that no one is watching so who cares about others, this is about me focusing on me so I can move forward in life and not be stuck anymore from complex trauma issues holding me back.

Train every day for what you want....Practice these feelings/experiences:


Self-Care is not  just about brushing your teeth and treating yourself to a bubble bath. It's about developing little habits and routines of wellness, or new life, of things that YOU WANT in it and about goals we want to achieve.

My Goal for June has been to do 1 exercise a day.  I have 7 easy exercises I can do so I don't get bored.  Also I've been doing a lot of cleaner eating, more veggies and fish and no dairy, bread or junk food.

My Monday through Friday routine is to read Calif Law & Ethics material daily. The goal is to pass that test.

My morning routine is making my energy drink in the mornings while I get ready for work.

I have about 5 books in various places, including both bathrooms, so that I read a page at a time but I get through a ton of books a year.

My driving routine is to say my prayers and practice smiling on my way to work.

My night time routine is journaling or coloring or organizing something.

I'm trying a new method of organizing my closet. Everything I wash goes to the front of the closet until I have all the clothes I actually wear right up front.

Recovery is not just about healing the past, it's about creating the future and the best way to do that is to work toward various goals in nano steps daily along the way.

Another recovery routine I write about in other posts is the Daily GRAPES routine.

My recovery routine is to read some note cards every morning that have reminders on them, affirmations and quotes I'm embracing right now.

I read a daily affirmation reader before I turn on my computer.

I read over questions that help me stay on track.

That's why I love a Success Log.  Along with the questions above, I pick the top 3 things I need to get done and 1 thing that MUST get done so that I don't do anything else until I get that one thing done.

The secret to self-care is loving ourselves routines that get us loving ourselves so we build up more experiences of feeling loved. These experiences, and the feelings they invoke, are what heals us. They move us forward so we don't put our lives on hold. So that we have a better chance at creating some balance instead of doing it some hit or miss way.

I never liked schedules and rarely look at clocks, but daily routines help create a whole new life. After awhile it all starts to accumulate and gain momentum and creates experiences that give us much needed emotional responses of happiness and joy, contentment and a sense of accomplishment. They break down big dreams into small daily tasks and makes the fun of enjoying them in the here and now special too.

No more pressure to hurry up and catch up to "where I'm suppose to be before all this trauma happens. I'm doing my daily routines and creating fun and easy habits in the here and now.
One day at a time.

Please SHARE using Social Media Buttons Below. There's someone out there would will appreciate you for it. Thank you! JP Bailey, M.A. Interested in EFT for Codependency Recovery? Get Relief from Emotional Pain & Relationship Issues! Blog: FB: Twitter: Kindle Book: "EFT for Codependency"