Saturday, November 28, 2009

Wellness Recovery Garden (Goals)

Wellness-Recovery Garden or How To Organize Your Life Goals

The Wellness Garden is a concept of recovery I am developing as a way to plan, organize and grow your life just as you would a beautiful garden. The Wellness Recovery Personalized Plan above is a plan that you can get started on now as a reminder of how to live your recovery in your daily life and signs to watch out for with recovery strategies thought out before hand when you are in a good mood so that when you are upset you don’t need to think about it, you just review your plan. It is a tool to help you stay on track, and get back on track faster. It’s a way to live recovery not just use it when you are in crisis.

The Wellness Garden is a larger concept. It divides your life into ten major areas. In each area you would rate how happy or satisfied you are with that area, what you would like to change for the better in that area and what state of mind you’d like to be in relation to that area. The concept of the Garden is that you will be planting and cultivating and later harvesting your fruits in each area according to the seasons and weather changes of your life, as well as maintaining your garden like pulling your weeds and creating boundaries so predators do not get in to steal your fruits or ruin your hard work leaving you to clean up the mess.

The Wellnss Garden is not a traditional “Goal Setting” activity, although you may set goals in some areas in your life garden. It’s more about your growth and staying as well as you can over time. It is about choosing your values and principles that you want to follow in each area of your life and what state of mind you want to be in when you are called on to act in an area of your life. So here we are looking at what psychologists would call meta-goals. The word meta means what is behind, above or below the thing it is describing. So for example if you set a goal to save $50 per month in your Financial area. You would ask yourself what is the benefit of doing so, what is the essence behind that goal, how will that make you feel when you have accomplished that goal? You may answer that you will feel more secure with money in the bank, or proud of yourself for following your plan, or empowered to buy something you have been wanting. So the goal activity, saving the $50 each month, is an action, a strategy, an item you can put into your calendar on paydays. But the state of mind, the essence and the principles behind that goal are security, empowerment and self-reliance and pride.

So the Financial area of your life is like a section of your garden. You want to describe it so that when you step into that area you will be triggering your state of mind of self-reliance. As you are working on that area of your garden in life over the months you want to be following the principle (a principle is something you value) of empowerment. Being empowered is something of value to you, it makes you feel good, strong, independent and able. It also grows, it builds on itself and expands so that over time you can look back at what you have accomplished and you have history now, you have your own results as proof that you are empowered and you can transfer that skill into any other area of your life. You can use it as evidence of your value as a person who has increased her motivation and watched her actions grow something of value. The essence of that section of your garden, the benefits or fruits of your labors is that over a year’s time you will have $600 in the bank - and that is a proactive, self-motivating energy. It is not something you do out of the force of your will or out of the sense of deprivation, or fear. Your own reason that you want it is motivating enough so that each time you tend to that part of your garden you feel a sense of satisfaction, even inspiration and excitement. You tend to that garden with loving care and as you watch that garden grow you will know it is because of how you took care of your garden. Now that is what I call a self-fulfilling activity. Satisfaction that came from within which empowers you to stop looking for it outside of yourself.

This will be an ongoing project that is designed to be fun, inspiring and exciting. It will include your tool shed, your resources, your power source where you recharge your batteries, it will include an idea basket, it will include weeds you must pull out on a regular basis or blocks that you need to remove, areas you need to expand, plans for unforeseeable bad weather, your support people and helpers along the way, what you want to share from your garden. It will include how to develop your Life Purpose Statement and how to align your life areas with that purpose.

You will identify your skills and abilities and what areas you need help in or need to learn more about. You will improve how you identify exactly what you want so you know which seeds to plant. You will learn your values and what is really important to you and what is really behind your goals, what benefits and essences and states of mind and feeling are you really looking for. You will learn how to identify your needs. You will learn what you must do in order to make each area healthy and successful and bring you the most fulfillment. You will learn how to flow with the cycles of life, death and rebirth. You will learn to relax in your garden and learn how to increase self-care and self-love for the garden is you and you will blossom. The Wellness Garden is a way to incorporate all the various aspects of recovery, self-care, growth and wellness that one needs to cultivate all in one fun, organized project. You will learn as you grow.

So begin to think of your life as a garden and what a wellness garden might look like for you in each area of your life. I sectioned off the garden into ten areas, they may not all pertain to your life (for example parenting if you don’t have kids) or you may want to add your own unique areas. It is your garden. These are only suggestions to get you started.

Remember each Gardener needs to eat GRAPES every day to stay healthy and well and in the best possible shape and state to be able to tend to her garden. What are GRAPES? Well, you’ve no doubt heard that an apple a day keeps the doctor away. It’s like that, only it stands for the daily wellness actions you need to do to stay healthy and like grapes turn into wine and wine over time gets better and more valuable, so will you. So try and choose activities each day that include:

Gentle with self

Sometimes I combine 2 or 3 of them into one activity like taking a walk with a friend and I’ve done my exercise and my social activity. Or pleasure, relaxation and gentleness by taking an extra nice bubble bath with aromatherapy candles and guided meditation CDs to listen to for half hour. Accomplishment can be anything big or small, 15 minutes of organizing the closet, saving that $50 a month on payday, making a healthy meal instead of grabbing fast food, talking a class, smiling at people wherever you go that day, meeting a deadline, completing a chore, accomplishing something that challenged you, overcoming a fear, sticking up for yourself. You get the idea. This not only helps you get things done so they don’t build up, but it helps increase your self-esteem and reminds you to be good to yourself. Actually the GRAPES idea was designed to prevent depression, which it does. But even if you don’t have depression, it does support wellness and that is the goal here.

The Ten Areas of Life are:

1. Personal/Spiritual
2. Parenting
3. Physical Health
4. Mental/Emotional Health
5. Financial
6. Career/Work
7. Social Life and Fun
8. Love Life
9. Household environment
10. Your Purpose/Dream in Life

For each area, write down what it looks like now and how you want it to look like.
For each area, when you think of your goal and taking actions to get there, write down what state of mind you want to be in when you're working on that area.
For each area, check back in monthly or quarterly to see your progress and if your goal has changed or evolved. If there were problems or you're not meeting your goal, take a look at your actions and start brainstorming what actions you can begin today, one step at a time, to move toward it. It's like a target; you got to aim at it and move toward it to get good at hitting it.

Happy Gardening!!!
JP Bailey, MA

Energy Psychology Essay

Energy Psychology

Energy Psychology is the child born from the marriage of Eastern Medicine and Western Psychology. Although there are several methods and protocols out there, EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques) is Energy Psychology 101.

The most common Energy Psychology technique, EFT or “Emotional Freedom Techniques” is the most common because it’s very simple and straightforward and easy to learn. At you will find the free 80 page easy- to-read manual. We use several methods, but we always start out with EFT to start you off with the basics and start Tapping your distress away tonight. Here is a basic explanation of how and why it works so good at reducing or eliminating emotional distress within minutes.

In acupuncture there are certain spots on the body called Meridian End Points. They literally are the last points of where each Meridian pathway ends. When measured with scientific equipment, these special points have less electromagnetic resistance than other random spots on the body. When an acupuncturist places tiny, hollow needles in these points, the energy flow of that point’s meridian is increased which leads to health, healing and pain relief.

A Meridian is the pathway that energy flows along, like veins. They start at a specific place, run through the body, are connected to its organs, and end at a certain Point. We “Tap” on each Meridian’s End Point. There are 12 main Meridians: Bladder (EB), Gallbladder (SE), Stomach (UE), Central (UN), Governing (CH), Kidney (CB), Liver (UA), Lung (TH), Large Intestine (FF), Reproductive (MF), Heart (LF) and Small Intestine (KC). And the Triple Warmer (gamut spot) Meridian that governs the pituitary, thymus and thyroid glands.

These points are located on the face, torso and hands. In Energy Psychology they are named according to the place on the body where they can be located. For example the Eyebrow point is located near the nose right where the eyebrow begins. These points also have acupuncture and Chinese names. For Energy Psychology we name them according to their location and give each a two-letter abbreviation. (Eyebrow is EB).

“Tapping” on these points with our fingers while mentally processing or emotionally feeling a specific issue, problem or distress does two things. One, like acupressure and patting a crying baby, we are calming the body down; we literally are deactivating the nervous system’s “Fight or Flight” response and activating the body’s Calming Reflex. Secondly we are clearing the emotional and mental upset by stimulating the energy to flow through the meridians and clear out the blocked energy, like flushing water to clear a drain.

With some Energy Psychology protocols certain eye-movements and left-right brain activities are used to help both hemispheres of the brain communicate and process memories. Eye-movements relate to where memories are stored, for example looking up when thinking up something, looking down when remembering something. Stimulating the brain via the eyes (which are actually part of the brain, not just connected to the brain), helps thoughts and feeling process much faster. Once they are processed properly they are resolved. Resolved issues are issues that have been reprocessed and are not upsetting anymore. Unresolved emotional issues are said to be blocks in the body’s energy system.

This is how Energy Psychology relieves negative emotions and stress. Stress is actually produced in the body’s Nervous System which connects the brain and its neuro-chemistry to the spine and its nerves. The Sympathetic and Parasympathetic functions of the nervous system are what regulate the brain, glands and organs to produce adrenaline and other activities that increase heart rate, breathing, constrict blood flow and the like in order to help the body survive a possible threat to its safety. When the threat is over the body’s Calming Response is then in activated, calming the heart, lungs and nerves back down and invokes a sense of well-being. Unresolved issues are upsetting memories that are unresolved emotionally and are stuck in the Stress Response which didn’t get to finish processing an event to get to the Calming Response. Being stuck they are easily triggered and cause distress when reminded of the upsetting event.

Energy Psychology is the clever use of the body’s Meridian Points and mental processing to resolve these emotional issues/memories of threats, fears, traumas and losses. After we clear the body of these blockages, you feel calm and unaffected emotionally by the incident, even when reminded of it. It feels as if it behind you now and you’re over it. Although not the first Energy Psychology method, EFT is the most commonly used method because it is structured in a very easy, common sense way than any other method. Plus you can learn it for free. EFT was created by Gary Craig in the ’80’s. You can learn more at his website

No psychology “therapy” is used to process the memories or thoughts about the problem or incident; that just occurs naturally once the energy is flowing and is cleared or unblocked. Often times the eye-movements help process thoughts as well. When you try to remember something the eyes move as if searching the mind. So moving our eyes on purpose helps process memories and thoughts. This process was discovered in the use of EMDR therapy which was the first therapy to help Vietnam Veterans recover from years of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder or PTSD. EMDR stands for Eye-Movement Desensitization, Reprocessing. EMDR was developed by Francine Shapiro in the ’90’s

When you survive a threat your mind makes certain choices about life and how safe or unsafe it is in order to increase your chances of surviving threats in the future. Your new preferences can be geared toward exciting and inspiring goals, positive actions and healthy ways of viewing the world.

After the distress is cleared The Choices Method is then used to install or implant new choices to replace the void now left where there was once a triggering emotional memory. The Choices Method is simply tapping while saying positive statements. The term was coined by Dr. Patricia Carrington who came up with this ingenious way of using EFT for more than just clearing problems. Similar methods of constructing positive statements while tapping are used for healthy ways of viewing the world, positive actions, sports or other performance, goals, public speaking and test taking. That’s why I like to say:
Heal Your Past; Create Your Future with EFT!


Energy Medicine is a field of Eastern Medicine now used here in the West that concerns itself with Energy techniques that help the body’s physical health, as well as help the body’s energy system to increase the body’s immune strength and flow thereby helping the body to fight off infections and stress and aid in recovery.

Some energy systems in the body may be rundown or even running backwards, it feels as if the body is heavier than usual or you just don’t have enough energy to get things done. In psychological terms this resistance is called psychological reversal, a phenomenon that interferes with a person’s ability to accomplish tasks they set out to do. This is a result of mixed or conflicting desires and plans or simply the accumulation of negative thoughts that counteract ones goals. Psychological Reversal feels like resistance or self-sabotage. Performing a couple of Energy Medicine techniques can correct all that in minutes.

The most common technique is Donna Eden’s DAILY 5 MINUTE ENERGY ROUTINE, done on a daily basis. This routine of several easy to learn techniques can increase ones energy and ability to fight off stress as well as improve mood and thinking.

We could say that Eastern Medicine includes everything Eastern or Chinese in healing such as acupuncture, herbs, using heat, special massage etc. to keep the body healthy and help heal from various conditions. Acupuncture first came to the United States when President Nixon visited China in the 1970’s. After years of clinical research The World Health Organization approved acupuncture as a legitimate medical treatment.

Energy Medicine is a branch of Eastern Medicine that is the use of Energy techniques for physical health, energy and healing. for a comprehensive explanation please refer to Donna Eden’s book Energy Medicine at Donna has earned the title of the Mother of energy medicine and her husband, psychologist David Feinstein contributed significantly by bringing Energy Psychology into traditional Psychology literature. Prior to that, the book Touch for Health demonstrated many healing methods as well as Biotherapy, showing nurses and laypeople how the hands can help heal the body via the use of Energy. Another interesting branch was developing techniques like BrainGym and SmartMoves that were helping children with learning disabilities in schools.

But it wasn’t until the 1980’s in the West that Energy Psychology was born specifically for emotional issues such as Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder and Phobias. It is a branch of Energy Medicine that deals with emotional distress such as anxiety and depression. The founder of using eastern energy techniques with Applied Kinesiology is Dr Goodheart. Then Drs Diamond and Callahan began applying these principles specifically to emotional issues. One of Dr. Callahan’s students was Gary Craig who went on to distill and simplify the information into what we now know as Emotional Freedom Techniques, EFT. There are too many contributors to list here, like Larry Nims who developed B.S.F.F. and Silvia Hartmann who developed Emotrance, and so many other EFT “cousins”. However EFT seems to be the founding Father of all other Energy or Meridian Energy Therapies. It is the simplest and easiest to use and anyone can learn it for free. The Association for Comprehensive Energy Psychology (ACEP) is an organization that supports further research and yearly conventions.

by J.P. Bailey, MA

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Resistance & Self-Sabotage

Tapping or Emotional Acupucture - without the needles or Energy Psychology is used to release stuck or blocked energy in the body that is causing one distress.

Yoga, meditation, some hypnotherapies, regular therapy, Recovery, Ti Chi and many other self-growth paths do the same thing - only it takes much longer and you don't always feel it right away.

With Tapping you feel it right away - within minutes. It can be used in combination with any healing path and it does NOT require you to buy into any type of belief system.

At you can get a FREE manual on how to do the most popular form of Tapping called EFT or Emotional Freedom Techniques.

EFT and other Energy Therapies addresses Resistance and Self-sabotage in a very effective and easy way. In Energy Medicine/Psychology we refer to it as Psychological Reversal. It's described as 'energy running backward' and that is why you feel such a resistance to move forward or a tug to go back or when you feel heavy and unmotivated.

It's a term describing the often unconscious resistance to healing and change and is often what is behind our own self-sabotage.

The Set-Up statement and the Tapping on the Karate Chop point or the Sore Spots clear this Reversal up before the Tapping Round even begins.

The Set-Up Statement acknowledges that you have a problem, feeling or issue and that in spite of that you still love and accept yourself. This type of statement in itself neutralizes the Reversals because we hold the problem we have and the love for ourself in the same space.

I'm addressing this today because it is so common and it is usually the reason behind Tapping not working right away. Sometimes before we can clear, heal or release a problem, feeling, issue, we first have to clear the fear or resistance to that change. After all, who will we be if we get rid of this problem? Do we even feel we are allowed or that someone will get mad at us for healing? Is it safe to heal it? Are we ready to heal it?

Clearing it is easy, it's as simple as Tapping and saying the Set-up Statement three times so we tune into it.

The tricky part is identifying what it is behind the fear and resistance.

To assist you with this I've come up with a list of common fears and limiting beliefs that need to be cleared before moving forward with healing and changing.

These blogs are written with the assumption that you know how to Tap in general so I won't go through the whole Tapping Rounds and Tapping Points here.

Before clearing a big issue like childhood abuse that shows up in painful reltionships or past trauma that shows up in addictions first clear up these Psychological Reversals:

Even though I'm not worth it...I love and accept myself.
Even though I don't belong… I love and accept myself.
Even though I don't deserve to heal… I love and accept myself.
Even though I'm not worth much … I love and accept myself.
Even though I'm not allowed to have what I want … I love and accept myself.
Even though I'm not suppose to be happy … I love and accept myself.
Even though I'm restricted … I love and accept myself.
Even though I'm grounded … I love and accept myself.
Even though I'm in trouble … I love and accept myself.
Even though I'm held back… I love and accept myself.
Even though I resist … I love and accept myself.
Even though I deserve to be punished … I love and accept myself.
Even though I'm bad... I love and accept myself.
Even though I will make someone mad if I get over this… I love and accept myself.
Even though I am scared to heal this… I love and accept myself.
Even though I'm not OK … I love and accept myself.
Even though I'm not ready to do this … I love and accept myself.
Even though I fear what will happen if I heal … I love and accept myself.
Even though I don't have the right to … I love and accept myself.
Even though I wouldn't dare try to … I love and accept myself.
Even though I'm not entitled to … I love and accept myself.

Do any of these ring a bell? If so be sure and rate the SUDs number and do a Full Round on those statements one at a time. And then proceed with Tapping on the original issue you wanted to heal.

These should get you started.

SUDs = Subjective Units of Distress from 1 to 10, 1 being no charge and 10 being the worse distress you've ever had. Rate the SUDs on the statements that you can relate to before and after.

Keep track of these and come back and review them in a couple weeks - you'll be amazed at how these things no longer hold you back.

Once you feel really clear then procede to Tap in some positive new choices you have made for yourself that are more empowering and reflect wellness and recovery for you.

To Your Recovery
JP Bailey, MA

Saturday, September 12, 2009

14 Tapping for Codependency Recovery Statements


Here are some great new choices for codependency traits. Works best with Tapping but even without Tapping it makes you feel good just reading the list. We're so used to just seeing how dysfunctional we are that it's a nice change to see we have a positive place we can heal and grow towards. That we do have a choice and that we do really change as a result of recovery. I never thought it was possible but more and more I see that I am becoming my new, healthier choices.

Directions: Read each statement while Tapping on the suggested Meridian End Point, repeat as needed. Try to do it once a day for a week and see what happens. A good way to do this is first write down how you feel about each statement and a week later after Tapping on it see how those feelings have changed for the better.

1. Even though I became isolated and afraid of other people and authority figures, I now feel comfortable and involved with people and authority figures. (Karate Chop)

2. Even though I became an approval seeker and lost my own identity in the process, I now have a strong identity and give myself approval. (Eyebrow)

3. Even though I am frightened by angry people and any personal criticism, I now accept and use personal criticism in a positive way. (Side of Eye)

4. Even though I either became an alcoholic/addict/codependent, married them, or both, or find other compulsive personalities, such as a workaholic, to fill my sick abandonment needs, I am now free from trying to fulfill my sick abandonment needs, I now fulfill my wellness needs. (Under Eye)

5. Even though I live life from the viewpoint of victim and am attracted by that weakness in my love and friendship relationships, as I face my own victim role, I am now attracted by strengths and I understand weaknesses in my love and friendship relationships. (Under Nose)

6. Even though I have an overdeveloped sense of responsibility and it is easier for me to be concerned with others rather than myself which enables me not to look too closely at my own faults, I am now responsible for my own recovery and wellness which I do by loving and focusing on myself. (Chin)

7. Even though I get guilt feelings when I stand up for myself instead of giving in to others, it now feels great to stand up for myself. (Collarbone)

8. Even though I become addicted to excitement, I now enjoy peaceful serenity. (Right Rib)

9. Even though I confuse love with pity and tend to ‘love’ people who I can ‘pity’ and ‘rescue’, I now love people who love and take care of themselves. (Under Arm)

10. Even though I have stuffed my feelings from my traumatic childhood and have lost the ability to feel or express my feelings because it hurts so much (denial), I am now free to feel and express my feelings even when painful. (Thumb)

11. Even though I judge myself harshly and have a very low sense of self-esteem, I now have a healthy sense of self-esteem. (First Finger)

12. Even though I am a dependent personality who is terrified of abandonment and will do anything to hold onto a relationship in order not to experience painful abandonment feelings which I received from living with sick people who were never there emotionally for me, I am now free from abandonment and fear in relationships as I rely more and more on my Higher Power. (Middle Finger)

13. Even though Alcoholism is a family disease and I became a codependent and took on the characteristics of the disease, I now examine and release codependent behaviors I learned while living with the family disease of alcoholism. (Ring Finger)

14. Even though codependents are reactors rather than actors, I now choose to review my options before I act and I choose actions based on recovery and wellness. (Little Finger)

JP Bailey, MA

Friday, September 11, 2009

Wellness Recovery Action Planning

What's New?

My Personal Wellness Recovery Action Plan
Based on the work of Mary Ellen Copeland

A WRAP is your own personalized plan for your recovery. It is a living document that can grow and change as you grow and change. It is a tool to aid you in the ups and downs of recovery.

Directions: Just fill out the sections below in a manner that works for you. This is for you and by you.

My Support Network numbers:
Local Crisis Line:
Best Friend:
Supporter: Number:
Supporter: Number:
Supporter: Number:
Supporter: Number:
Supporter: Number:
Supporter: Number:

What am I like when I am well?Make a list of characteristics and behaviors that describes YOU when you are feeling all right. Be realistic and kind in your descriptions.

The "Essential To-Do lists: Make a list of things you need to do for yourself Every Day to keep yourself feeling well. Be realistic. These are the "Daily Essentials". If you are not doing these things on this list, it may be an Early Warning Sign.

Daily Essentials:

Now make a list of additional things you might need to do, and when or how often. These are the 'Now and Then Essentials'. They are very important to Wellness but don’t need to be done daily. Reading through this list daily will serve as a good reminder and keep you on track.

To do/When or how often:

Triggers can be “buttons" or hot thoughts, strong feelings, or external events such as anniversaries, conflict, etc. that might cause an onset or worsening of your symptoms. They may have triggered or increased symptoms in the past.

First, make a list of your triggers. Then, in the right-hand column, list actions you can take to prevent the trigger or to stay well if/when the trigger occurs.

Triggers / Wellness Actions

"Early Warning Signs and Action Plan"
Early warning signs can be thoughts, feelings, or behaviors. They are subtle signs of change that indicate you may need to take some further action to prevent a relapse. You may want to review.

Make a list of your Early Warning Signs:

List Actions Plans to Prevent Relapse when Early Warning Signs occur:
1. Review my Wellness Plan and make sure I’m keeping up with my Daily Essentials and other important “to-do’s”.

"More Serious Signs and Action Plans:"
In spite of your best efforts, your symptoms may progress to the point where they are very uncomfortable, serious and even dangerous, but even then, you are able to take action. This is a very important time, it is necessary to take immediate action.

List the symptoms which, for you, mean that things are worsened and are close to the Crisis Stage.

List Action Plans to Prevent a Crisis when symptoms have gotten worse:

If you choose to, you can share your WRAP with a trusted friend, sponsor, therapist so they can help you by being aware of your red flags and what helps you. You can even write in a section like "Things my friends can do that help me when I'm in crisis: " AND "Please DO NOT do these things when I'm in crisis:"

Think back to crisis times in the past and write down what worked and what didn't. The more you know about yourself, the more you can take care of yourself.

To Your Recovery!

Friday, August 14, 2009

Tapping on Stress


I sure do. Just because I 'Tap' on all my issues and emotions doesn't mean I don't still have new ones that just come up as a result of living life. Working jobs. Having responsibilities. Being parents. Every day challenges and situational upsets.

What to do. Well, the best pro-active way would be prevention and maintence by Tapping regularly and good self-care. Strengthening your strengths and following some type of recovery program are good ways also.

Tapping every day or week or at least every time you get upset. Work a recovery slogan or principle or follow one positive suggestion.

Secondly, don't go it alone. It's hard enough when things are going good to not have someone who cares to talk to. There are support groups and phone-lines and chat groups all over the place to talk to others who share your stressor or are there for when people are in acute stress or crisis. Cultivate your friendships, keep them growing, be open to meeting new friends. Call a counselor if you need more.

But if you're not up on your daily maintence and suddenly you're blind-sided by an event that gets you all charged up. Well, then it's time for sure to do some serious Tapping.

Pop Quiz: What's the First thing you always do with Tapping?

Answer: Rate the Subjective Units of Distress (SUDs) on a scale of 1 to 10.

This is a very important thing to do for people who have Tapped several times before but haven't tapped in awhile and they want to do that "Tapping" thing again and are so focused on Tapping on the right points, they sometimes forget to give it a number to begin with.

This is actually Part of the process, not just the before and after proof that we all need to see it's working. The act of coming up with the number is 'tuning into' the problem. When you tune into a problem, you feel it. While feeling it you are tuning into your body or mind or intuition and rating how bad it feels to you. You tune into yourself and see how you subjectively rate your feeling.

This sets up the issue to be treated on. Then you are ready for the "Set-up Statement" and that is the "even though..." sentence.

OK, SO we have our Stressor and we've given it a number. Now what? We fill in the Set-Up Statement with our problem or issue or feeling. In this case, stress.

Say, "Even though I'm all stressed out, I love and accept myself"' three times.

You say that 3 times while Tapping rapidly and firmly on the side of your hand. The Karate Chop point.

Then begin a full round of EFT. (EFT's Basic Recipe is Tapping from the Eyebrow (EB) to the Little Finger (LF), and then do the Gamut Procedure with the eye rolls, and then do another full round of Tapping from EB to LF.)

Each time you Tap on a spot you repeat your Reminder Phrase, "Stressed".
Tap Tap Tap. Go to next point, say "stress, stress stress" and tap, tap tap.

When you get to the Gamut you just rub the triple warmer spot on the back of the hand, and do the eye rolls.

And then repeat the Tapping procedure from EB to LF and then off the Top of your Head or Crown Point as the last and final Tap when you're releasing it upward.

(I should have it all spelled out in a previous blog as far as the whole EFT procedure.)

Once you do a full round of EFT on the general category of Stress, you then procede to do EFT Short-cut rounds on any other thought that pops up.

Now that you've got your attention on stress and what's stressing you, you are focusing your attention on addressing the stress with the intention of treating it. The Tapping Round is like a mini treatment. Instead of reaching for a pill or food, you could Tap on it.

Just the act of acknowledging the various stressors and then tapping the intensity and charge out of the emotion you feel, helps other thoughts come up that were buried underneath them.

Some of these are root causes or sources of other stressors, or things this stressor reminds you of. These are literally called "aspects" of the main problem.

So you keep Tapping the short-cut round (EB - Under Arm (UA), while you say whatever comes to mind until a. you can't think of anything else that stresses you out or b. you are smiling or c. you begin mentally sorting it out on your own now that the negative charge is gone or diminished. Once the stress response calms down, the brain naturally starts to re-process and creatively sees the larger picture or the steps to change it for the better or being reminded of other important things, etc. so that you're mind is no longer obsessed with the stress of the day.

You just keep Tapping until you rate the SUDs number again and it gets down to a 2 or a less.

For example:

Even though I'm stressed about money, I love and accept myself.

Even though I'm stressed over my marriage, I love and accept myself.

Play with the ending more.

Even though I'm stressed over my kids, I love and accept myself - and them and so do they.

Even though I'm stressed over my car accident, I deeply and completley love and accept myself.

Even though I'm stressed over my job, I love, accept, approve of and forgive myself.

Even though I'm stressed over the fight I had with my spouse, I'm doing the best I can.

Even though I'm stressed about my boss, I'm learning valuable lessons.

Even though I'm stressed that I have to change, I love and accept change.

Even though I'm stressed over making an important decisions, I let it go and am open to the outcome.

Even though I don't know what to do, I set my intention and stay open for an opportunity.

So you're saying the above sentences while Tapping Short-cut Rounds. After awhile you might notice youreslf taking a deep healing breath, that is a good sign of energy being moved and let go or released.

Once you're in a place where you're more relaxed or smiling and feeling better you can apply the Choices Method to your various stressors.

Begin Tapping a Full EFT Basic Recipe Round on your new choice sentence:
"I now choose balance and harmoney between us"
"I now choose to understand his side of it"
"I now choose to forgive"
"I now choose to look for creative solutions"
"I now choose to ask open-ended questions"

And say you get to a choice you wish you had or that you want but seems scary, like, "I now choose to confront somebody" and fear comes up just thinking about it. Guess what? You just Tap a whole new Round on that fear.

"Even though I'm scared of confronting, so and so, I love and accept myself.
"Even though when I'm around so and so, I'm unsure of myself, I love and accept myself.

And so forth. The main idea is just to do it. Do it on the spot. But also do it in other ways. One other way would be to sit down and write a list of all your stressors today or about a situation. And just keep writing out a long list until you can't think of anything else. Then you start at number 1 and rate it's SUDs number. Set-up the Statement and begin the Full Round of EFT.

Then go on the number 2, rate it and set it up in the sentence and do a short-cut round on it. Then go on to number 3, rate it and do a short-cut and so on until each one goes down in number as you go down the list you'll see that many of them sort of fall off the list or are not that stressful by the time you get to them.

Be creative.

To Your Recovery

I'm ok
I'm enough
I'm a good enough mom.
I don't have to be perfect or over achieve or people please or the other recovery related issues that are involved.

Sunday, June 21, 2009

12 SIGNS Of CoDependency RECOVERY

12 SIGNS OF RECOVERY from CODEPENDENCY (Karate Chop-Small Intestine-joy,sorrow)*

1. We seek to develop a daily relationship with a Higher Power, knowing that we are not alone in our efforts to heal ourselves from our addiction. (Eyebrow-Bladder Meridian-harmony, frustration)

2. We are willing to be vulnerable because the capacity to trust has been restored to us by our faith in a Higher Power. (Side of Eye-Gall Bladder-love,forgiveness,rage,hurt)

3. We surrender, one day at a time, our whole life strategy of, and our obsession with, the pursuit of romantic and emotional dependency. (Under Eye-Stomach-tranquility,content,disappointment,disgust,greed)

4. We learn to avoid situations that may put us at risk physically, morally, psychologically or spiritually. (Under Nose-Governing Vessel-healthy pride,embarrassment, grief)

5. We learn to accept and love ourselves, to take responsibility for our own lives, happiness and to take care of our own needs before involving ourselves with others. (Chin-Central Vessel-healthy pride,shame,unworthiness)

6. We become willing to ask for help, allowing ourselves to be vulnerable and learning to trust and accept others. (Collarbone-Kidney-security,assuredness,indecision,anxiety)

7. We allow ourselves to work through the pain of our low self-esteem and our fears of abandonment and responsibility. We learn to feel comfortable in solitude and in society. (Under Breat-Liver-happiness,unhappiness)

8. We begin to accept our imperfections and mistakes as part of being human, healing our shame and perfectionism while working on our character defects. (Under Arm-Spleen-faith in future,anxiety about future)

9. We begin to substitute honesty for self-destructive ways of expressing emotions and feelings. (Thumb-Lung-tolerance,humility,intolerance,contempt)

10. We become honest in expressing who we are, developing true intimacy in our relationships with ourselves and others. (First Finger-Large Intestine-self-worth,guilt)

11. We learn to value sex as a by-product of sharing, commitment, trust and cooperation in a partnership. (Middle Finger-Reproductive-relaxation,generosity,flexibility,jealousy,tension,regret,remorse)

12. We are restored to sanity, on a daily basis, by participating in the process of recovery. (Little Finger-Heart-love,forgiveness,anger)

(author unknown.)

Question: How do I use the above with Tapping?

Amswer: Tap on each Point referenced above while saying aloud each sentence, one at a time.

To Your Recovery!

Keep RECOVERY TAPPING --> my screen name on Blogger and Twitter to share my recovery tapping collection to increase interest in my book being edited this Summer, "Emotional Freedom Techniques EFT© for Codependency Recovery: How To Use Meridian Energy Tapping to Heal Abuse & Codependency"© by JP Bailey, MA 2009

Thank you for reading my blog.
Father's Day 2009.
To my dad who taught me how to be independent.

*(Organ meridians with emotional balancing components adapted from "Selected Chinese Meridian Acupoints and Associated Emotions: Gary Peterson, MD, 2004. )

Saturday, June 20, 2009

Strengthen Your Strengths

So often in recovery people can only see their weaknesses and character defects and are stuck in that cycle of self-doubt and criticism and low-self esteem, judging themselves so harshly. It's extremely difficult to recover from being a victim and on top of it to then take an honest look at yourself and how you contribute to the cycle. List after list of codependency traits are read and all you see is the dark side. But there are strengths as well, and it's part of recovery to acknowledge them and to strengthen them - and not just focus on "fixing" the weaknesses or regret over mistakes. Take a look at your strengths today, make a list of them. Here are some to start with. How many more can you think of that are unique to you?

Strengths to Acknowledge and Reinforce:
I have an incredible ability to survive
I always have the ability to choose
I always have the ability to change
I have the ability to be passionate about something, no matter how deeply it’s been buried
I have the ability to love
I have the ability to learn
I have the natural ability to grow
I have the ability to go within and ask for inner/Higher assistance or answers
I have the ability to ask for help, and say thank you
I have the ability to imagine
I have the ability to positively affect my own energy
I have the ability to be creative

I have the ability to recover
I have the ability to move forward
I have the ability to let go
I have the ability to help others worse off then I
I have the ability to start over any time or as many times as I need to
I have the ability to laugh
I have the ability to create a habit and keep it going no matter what - and I can transfer that skill to healthy habits!

12 Steps to Recovery from Abuse

12 Steps to Recovery from Abuse

1. We became aware that we were powerless over and blameless for the circumstances of our childhood, and the people who have hurt us and that our lives had become unmanageable.

2. We admitted to the truth of our origin, and came to trust that a Power greater than ourselves would nurture, love and restore us to sanity.

3. Made a decision to begin a process of recovery and change, trusting in a Higher Power of our own understanding to care for us and guide us in our journey.

4. Began an inventory of all that happened to us in our childhood and relationships with others acknowledging how it affected us then, and how it affects us now. We also allowed ourselves to uncover and experience the feelings we had repressed and denied for so long.

5. We admitted to our Higher Power, to ourselves, and to another appropriate person, the truth of our feelings, attitudes and behaviors, and began to feel validated and accepted for who we are at this moment.

6. We became willing to allow changes in our attitudes and feelings, and to make changes in our choices, decisions, and behaviors, with the help of our Higher Power.

7. Made a list of all those who had hurt us, identified what was done to us, and allowed ourselves to validate, own, and understand the resulting feelings.

8. We became willing to forgive those who had harmed us, and to let go of the past.

9. Recognizing that our own attitudes and behaviors were imitative of our dysfunctional caretakers and harmful not only to ourselves but to those around us, took responsibility for them and made appropriate amends where necessary.

10. Continued the process of discovery and recovery, making changes in our lives when necessary, and, recognizing and celebrating our specialness and uniqueness, became capable of self fulfillment.

11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with our Higher Power, striving to allow God’s will and ours to become one and the same.

12. Having achieved a Spiritual Awakening, characterized by a balance and harmony with ourselves, those around us, and our Higher Power, we became willing to share our experience and hope with others like us, and to practice these principles in all our affairs

Friday, June 19, 2009

Can Children of Narcissistic Parents Ever Recover?

Posted by Jeanette Pettiford on Apr 13 2008 Recovery Tips

Can children of narcissistic parents ever recover?

YES, you can recover from NPD Parents!First of all you need to learn about recovery and what recovery really is. There is 12 step recovery and then there is therapy and then there is Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT \”Tapping on Emotional Issues to Clear Them\”) and there is the recovery model in the mental health field.There are stages to your recovery: First you realize something is wrong and you go about searching for answers. Then you discover what NPD is and it is a devastating stage to go through as it is like losing a parent that never existed in the first place. Seek support from someone who will listen and validate you and not deny your reality. It is extremely hard to find someone who can supportively listen to someone talk negatively about a parent to the extent of never wanting to speak to your parent ever again. This is shocking to people who had loving parents. Thus, your reality is invalidated which causes further injury, emotional abandonment and rejection. Then one may look further to either find a therapist who \”gets it\” or to seek your own kind - to see if there are any other adult children of NPD parents.The sad yet good news is that there are many of us out there and they are forming online support groups more and more. Just do a Google search on what you are looking for, like \”narcissistic parent forums\” or something like that and do some research. If you found your way here, you know enough to do some searches.There you will find support and MOST IMPORTANTLY - VALIDATION. It is the one major thing we did not have growing up, we had no voice, we had no boundaries, we had no loving care and our reality was invalidated so much we were left not knowing what to believe, even our own gut intuition. Thus we had to guess at what normal is. And so forth.Then the next stage of recovery once you have found your \”tribe\” is the stage of just being able to finally talk about it, hear how others are talking about it, hear how others are dealing with it, etc. etc. This is a bittersweet stage but it can bring a sense of a new freedom and renewed hope. You get what you never had - support, validation, listening. It’s like the family you never had. You may not like everyone but you know they \”get it\” and that forms a special bond that helps repair the fact that you had a mother/father who could not bond.When you start to get the feeling that you are starting to get tired of hearing all the venting and complaining and realizing that the focus is still on the NPD person, past or present you may be one of the lucky ones to look for further recovery. There is more than just being validated and seeing how wicked and bad the NPD is. That is when you begin to look at you.This can be done in therapy and or via 12 Step, say Alanon or Codependency type recovery or Adult Children type of recovery. It’s not really enough, but close enough. Some of them don’t really \”get it\” either because their focus is on alcoholism of course and most people in society don’t even know what a Personality Disorder is. But if you take the Pro-Active suggestions for SELF-CARE you will be recovering. You will be recovering yourself and your self-neglect behaviors that you internalized from having a parent that programmed you to love them but not yourself.Self-Care is extremely important - I can’t emphasize this enough. Why? Because when you take care of yourself and all your needs (1.) you are providing what you did not get as a child and (2.) you are experiencing what you did not get as a child. There is a healing magic in that experience.OK, back to recovery. There is also The Recovery Model which is relatively new and it’s in the Mental Health field and it’s about Wellness. So you can search for WRAP - Wellness Recovery Action Plans. Basically it’s about self-care to stay well and knowing your triggers and red-flags and having wellness/healthy strategies in dealing with them, new ways. This is great because you are creating your own individualized recovery program. Your recovery can include going to 12 step or other support type meetings - support for emotional abuse, childhood abuse, relationship abuse, etc. etc. Your recovery can include working the 12 Steps which is really about taking a look at yourself and stop blaming the NPD for all your problems which in turn helps empower you to make changes to be more in control of your life and your reactions and not feel like a helpless victim anymore.Once in Recovery, alot of emotions come up naturally. The best, easiest, painless, fastest way I have found - and I’ve been looking for a good 20 years now - is EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques). They don’t call it Emotional Freedom for nothing. It truly helps relieve you of distressful, intense feelings and the body sensations that go along with them when you are triggered and upset. All those fears and anxieties, all the regrets and resentments, the rage, the deep sadness and pain, all the stuff you put up with, all the sick dysfunctional relationships you wasted your love and energy and time on - ALL of these things can be “Tapped” on. You Tap on acupuncture points while feeling the distressful feeling - you don’t even have to get all the way into the feeling, you don’t have to have a breakdown or breakthrough or whatever, and you don’t even need to analyze or figure it out and all that. All you have to do is tap and your body relaxes, the emotion subsides and your brain then naturally sort of processes the issue and you feel like it’s behind you now.You can learn EFT for FREE right from the source at where it’s creator Gary Craig offers a FREE manual of how to learn it - it’s really very easy, you just memorize about 12 tapping spots, and the site has hundreds of pages of examples and tips etc. all free. So why not use it on NPD Parent Recovery issues? You can use it on anything. You can also search Utube for videos showing you how to use EFT.So that brings us to the final stage of recovery which is basically getting a life and living it for the rest of your life. It is about creating your life the way you want it, self-care, learning how to socialize with the good people, learning what to do with your triggers and issues, learning what you enjoy in your life, taking actions that are positive and have positive experiences and results for you. And therein lies the recovery life - you do things that give you a positive experience. Notice I said DO things - you don’t wait until you “feel like it” or until you are recovered or healed enough or until your depression goes away or whatever, you are pro-active and you take action and you just do it like Nike says.You can Tap you can read spiritual and recovery material, you can pray, you can work the 12 Steps, you can devise a WRAP, you can go to therapy, you can read books on your disorders, you can express yourself in groups or in journals, but until you begin to IMPLEMENT healthy actions into your life not much can or will change for you. Why? Well, what the heck do you think you are recovering? You are recovering your life and yourself. It’s more than what you are recovering from; it’s what you are recovering to. What are you moving toward? What action can you take today that will make you feel good, valued, special, loved, healthy, well? What are you even like when you are well? What actions do you have to take every day to stay well? Every week or month or once in awhile? Because if you did not take these actions what would happen?You would relapse, whatever relapse means to you. You can relapse into old behaviors, old ways of thinking, depressions, fears, addictions, isolating, etc. You know how you’ve been dealing with the affects of NPD - the best way you could given that you had no knowledge or resources. But now you do have knowledge and resources and though you were not in any way responsible for what happened to you, you are responsible for yourself and your life and your recovery now and for the rest of your life. So you might as well make the best of it.Recovery is the reward for all your hard work my friends. Recovery is more than the absence of pain, it is the new freedom and joy of life that you never even knew you could ever have. It’s new friends, its peace and serenity, it’s what you make it and many surprises along the way as well. Life will not always be great, no one said you are exempt from further traumas, tragedies, illnesses, hurts, losses, etc. life is still life, the good and the bad - but - you don’t have to trudge it alone and you have tools now to help you get through.Then when you are there, you will turn and look and see how far you have come and you will see and know that there are so many more out there still suffering that you may want to share your recovery with others so that they too have a shot at this thing.Lastly, one huge aspect of NPD recovery for adult children is the topic of relationships. It’s not bad enough we had NPD parents, but guess what? We get to have all the fun of marrying them and working for them and having them as best friends and the like until we have hit our bottom so to speak and take a look at why we are always victim to them, attracting them or attracted to them in some unconscious way. This is a big part of the recovery process, too much to write about here, but it includes taking a look at what you were thinking when you first met the N’s in your life, and challenging beliefs you have about yourself (I’m too damaged, Healthy people are boring, I can fix him, I’ll be rewarded for all my sacrifice, I can get approval from her, and finally I will be alright then.) When this survival plan does not work it is a devastating place to be in. You’ve tried your upmost best, given all of yourself and all of your prime years, your energy, time and money into trying to make these relationships work. Of course you did, you were programmed from the cradle to do so. It’s ok that you did this, but now it’s time to take a look at it and learn about choices you have, learn new ways of being in the world, new ways of relating to others, etc. And the reward is real, supportive and loving relationships in your life. Don’t be surprised if this takes a bit of getting used to. You’re not used to love and support. But my friends, you deserve it. You have been giving it your whole life - just imagine someone like yourself giving that love to you. Hopefully you are smiling with tears in your eyes right now because I am. I am smiling because This response to the question “Can we recover” is the result of my recovery and I’m so grateful I have so much to give to you. Stop by and visit me some time, I’m working on a website to do more of this - give recovery tips and teach people to Tap for emotional freedom, healing and growth. My blog is Recovery Tapping and my twitter is RecoveryTapping and my email is Recovery I have come up with my own Energy Moving Method, I call my method Psy-Qi-Soma - Psy for the MIND, Qi for ENERGY and Soma for the BODY. I write about a variety of information about recovery, EFT, personality disorders, codependency and self care action plans. Thanks for reading, pass it on to those you think it might help. But as always - take what you can use and disregard the rest. It's your self; own it.

To Your Recovery Journey,
Tap in Love and Care,

Recovery Tapping is EFT Tappers, Codependency Recovery and Dealing with Personality Disorders

What do EFT Tappers, Codependency Recovery and Dealing with Personality Disorders have in common?
This BLOG!

Come journey with me as I l support your journey toward recovery from codependency caused by living with loved ones who are either addicts or people with personality disorders. The ‘disease’ of codependency is a reaction that happens at the cellular level from the cradle and throughout the growing years into adolescents and adulthood. It’s a defense mechanism that turns into behaviors and beliefs that don’t serve us anymore. Its premise is that you make me happy and I make you happy and there are problems when that principle belief doesn’t work out. We will use EFT and other Meridian Tapping techniques to clear many codependency issues, themes and common feelings

EFT Emotional Freedom Techniques, PEAT, BSFF, Thought Field Therapy, Emotrance, and many other Energy Psychologies.
Codependency Recovery, 12 Step Recovery, SMART Recovery, Rehab Recovery
Axis II: Personality Disorders
and many other mental health issues, inclding all additions, depression, anxiety
which all affects relationships, and the most important one: with yourself which inludes your daily self-care. EFT is a MAJOR Leap in removing the emotional reactionary repeating issues that gets in the way of ignoring or neglecting or not scheduling time taking care of yourself.
How does that even feel to read about?

This BLOG represents my years of education, experience and training in psychology, with EFT, and many other self-help/growth/development techniques - that I have been really wanting to teach. But I've been a single working mom and social worker or psych tech all my life that I didn't have time or know-how on web pages, etc. Now with blogging and twittering I can finally share what I've (as a mental health clinician and the recovery I want to give back, I have a venue to put it out there.) I've since gotten passionate about EFT and how awesome the results are, that it finally all came together this year - put TAPPING with Recovery. I'm even writing a book on it, but that's another story.)

To your awesome journey
and a moment of silence for those still suffering.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Tapping for Codependency Recovery

Tapping for Codependency Recovery using Meridian Energy Tapping

The 14 Recovery Statements (aka Cleaning Up the Laundry List with E.F.T.!)
1. Even though I became isolated and afraid of other people and authority figures, I now feel comfortable and involved with people and authority figures. I am an authority on myself. (KC)
2. Even though I became an approval seeker and lost my own identity in the process, I now have a strong identity and give myself approval. (EB)

3. Even though I am frightened by angry people and any personal criticism, I now have strength to accept other people's feelings and use personal criticism in a positive way. (SE)

4. Even though I either became an addict/codependent, married them, or both, or find other compulsive personalities, such as a workaholic, to fill my sick abandonment needs, I am now committed to myself and to fulfilling my needs to be well. (UE)

5. Even though I live life from the viewpoint of victim and am attracted by that weakness in my love and friendship relationships, as I face my own victim role, I am now attracted by strengths and I understand weaknesses in my love and friendship relationships. (UN)

6. Even though I have an overdeveloped sense of responsibility and it is easier for me to be concerned with others rather than myself which enables me not to look too closely at my own faults, I am now responsible for my own recovery and wellness which I do by loving and focusing on myself. (CH)

7. Even though I get guilt feelings when I stand up for myself instead of giving in to others, I am now empowered to stand up for myself and not give in to others. (CB)

8. Even though I become addicted to excitement, I now enjoy peaceful serenity and healthy activity while I seek balance and wellness one day at a time. (UA)

9. Even though I confuse love with pity and tend to 'love' people who I can 'pity' and 'rescue', I now love people who love and take care of themselves. (RR)

10. Even though I have stuffed my feelings from my traumatic childhood and have lost the ability to feel or express my feelings because it hurts so much (denial), I am now free to feel and express my feelings even when painful (acceptance). (TH)

11. Even though I judge myself harshly and have a very low sense of self-esteem, I now love and accept myself and have a healthy sense of self-esteem. (FF)

12. Even though I am a codependent personality who is terrified of abandonment and will do anything to hold onto a relationship in order not to experience painful abandonment feelings which I received from living with sick people who were never there emotionally for me, I am now free from abandonment and fear in relationships as I rely more and more on my Higher Power and participate in supportive relationships. (MF)

13. Even though codependency is a family disease and I became a codependent and took on the characteristics of the disease, I now examine and release codependent behaviors I learned while living with the family disease of codependency. (RF)

14. Even though codependents are reactors rather than actors, I now choose to review my options before I act and I choose actions based on recovery and wellness. (LF)
By JP Bailey, MA

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Welcome Post

Welcome to Recovery Tapping!!

I'm really excited to be able to give you all the best information I have been collecting for years.

I wanted to create a space for people in recovery to learn "Tapping", and for people who "Tap" to learn more about Recovery.

Using the two together has healed many people of all sorts of trauma, abuse and emotional triggers. Adult Children of all types of issues from alcoholism to personality disorders will find lots of helpful information here to aid them on their recovery path and turn them on to the coolest self-help power tool at your fingertips - Emotional Acupressure that relieves Stress and Distress and many other intense emotions - in minutes. All natural, holistic, body-mind technique, no drugs or side-efffects, non-invasive, non-reliving of trauama. Less emotional and lengthy than any other traditional or non-traditional therapy, and you can learn it for free, use it on yourself and have it for life. You'll wonder what you ever did without it.

No more being at the mercy of all the issues you've never been able to get over. Clear issues and triggers no matter how long you've had them, or how serious they are. Change your life with Energy Tapping.

I'm going to start this Blog with the 14 Recovery Statements that I like to call "Cleaning up the Laundry List". For each codependency trait, I've developed a Tapping Statement with a recovery emphasis and matched them up with the 14 Meridian Tapping Points.

This can be a way to begin your healing while learning how to do it.

Stay Tuned!

To your Recovery.

JP Bailey, MA