Thursday, June 22, 2017

EFT Tapping Into The 10 Stages of the Recovery Process

EFT  Tapping Into The 10 Stages of the Recovery Process

Stage 1: Exploration and Discovery (healing and grieving) As you move through the Tasks of Mourning, you will be able to Tap on each one that has any negative charge on it. This will greatly aid in moving it along and will make this stage much shorter and less painful.

Stage 2: Relationship History/Inventory (examine and reset boundaries). You'll clear any blocks in your way from defining or enforcing your private spaces and Tap into empowerment, confidence, calm and so forth, speaking to your heart's needs and resourceful state of mind.  Tapping helps immensely with being honest with yourself.

Stage 3: Addiction Control (stages of change). Tapping can help you get a handle on your urges and cravings. Facing addictions means going through the stages of change:  loss, grief and acceptance, and healing. You want a healthy, resourceful body for as long as you're alive. Be sure to use the Choices method to choose what you want to fill the void of stopping bad habits.

Stage 4: Leaving Home and Saying Goodbye (saying hello to your social life). Tapping helps the grief and pain of saying goodbye to old ways, and old people. Letting go of the old home, where you lived mentally, is much more than saying goodbye to your past and the people in it; it's about clearing the voices in your head you hear automatically when you think of those people. Tap into your longings for connection in ways that fit who and where you are now.

Stage 5: Grieving Your Loss (The 4 Tasks of Mourning). Tapping helps you get through the bottom of the curve and helps you then start going upward. Tap your way through the 4 tasks of mourning:

     1. Accept the reality of a loss

     2. Work through the pain of losing what you lost

     3. Adjust to an environment in which the person or thing you lost is no longer there

     4. Emotionally relocate the loss and move forward with integrating it into your life.

Stage 6: New Self-Perceptions (Inner Resources and Social Support). Tap into fresh or rekindled perspectives and perceptions about yourself and make new decisions. Re-invent yourself. Move into the next chapter. Keep it going with intentional goal setting, planning, routines and be rewarded with increased performance and creativity. Each time you clear up an issue, tap into your new, inspiring list statements and exciting goals you really want.

Stage 7: New Experiences (New Foundations). You will build a foundation of new experiences to bolster the decisions you've just made. Your plan writes out what it's like when you're living the life you want and what sorts of actions you take on a daily basis to stay engaged with your life. Taking these planned actions gives you an experience.

Increasing activities that made you feel good will give you new, needed, experiences and these in turn are like watering a thirsty plant rapidly grows more. Learn your lessons, clear any intensity of distress or resistance. Choose what you want from no on and move forward toward it. Those experiences are giving you a good feeling which is healing your brain which is why you start to think clearer. It may be a new experience to focus on you and not on others. After the experience of being on your own as an adult, you further leave home as nature intended for us to individuate and create our own life.

Stage 8: Re-parenting and Self-Management (Self-Care). You rebuild your past present and future in a sense as you become involved in what we call re-parenting and self-management. Recovery is about wellness and increasing your wellness on purpose, not just the absence of pain.

Loving yourself as you are and daily self-care to experience that, intentionally increasing experiences that make you feel good, valued, special, rested, entertained, important and loved. Tap on the Third Eye point while reading this, or make affirmations out of these self-care concepts and experiences. Tap into good parenting (loving and nurturing and protecting) yourself. It's a great experience we all must give to ourselves, we can't wait for the past or someone in it to give it to us. Tapping on deserving and permission helps a lot during this stage.

Stage 9: Self and Relationship Accountability (love your (inner) self). This is where love and wisdom come together. This is where you love your inner self as much as your outer body and environment. You will take on more responsibility and accountability. You've built the foundation for it. You will live by the principles and values that feel right to you while letting the rest go with faith in things working out in the big picture, and not worrying as much as before. If it's not in today, turn it over and focus on how you're spending your time and grow more responsible about how you spend it.

Stage 10: Wellness Maintenance Action Plan (Daily Progress). As a result of changes and paradigm shifts you've made on this journey, you've grown in love and wisdom, good and truth. You decide for yourself what is good and true for you. You keep an open mind and connect with something inner or higher. We have faith and we go about our daily lives, living out our meaningful roles we chose and try to do the right thing for all concerned, but never forgetting we're adults taking care of ourselves.

Please SHARE using Social Media Buttons Below. There's someone out there would will appreciate you for it. Thank you! JP Bailey, M.A. Interested in EFT for Codependency Recovery? Get Relief from Emotional Pain & Relationship Issues! Blog: FB: Twitter: Kindle Book: "EFT for Codependency"

Friday, June 16, 2017

Self-Care for Narc Abuse Survivors |Narcissistic Abuse Syndrome Recovery

A couple months ago I came across a Success Log and what I liked about it was that the first question is:

1. What did I do well in the last 24 hours?

And the last question really grabbed my attention because it's not the question before it that asks "What is one thing I must do?" , it's the next question of what will you feel like if you have to "fight through" resistance to get that thing done? And what will you feel like if you don't?

And it reminded me at the end, that, no matter which I choose - to get something done and fight through the resistance or to lose the fight with resistance and procrastinate, both actions make the groove in your brain bigger.

I did not want to make my procrastination neuro pathway to get deeper or wider or longer. And we've seen these strings of ideas under the microscope. They have actually seen habits shrink when they aren't acted on anymore and new ones grow as they are acted on over time. It's amazing.

I want my mental groove or string of beliefs about having done an activity, got the experience of doing it, feeling good as a result, feeling proud I did it and satisfied knowing it's done.

I don't know, but something about all that put together really revved up my urge to move forward. This was a 'success log' I could live with, that actually helped me, rather than felt like a dream to do list that I could never achieve and wouldn't stick to.

But I have used the Success Log just about every day for a couple months now and I've gotten a lot done.  I LOVE thinking about what I did well in the last 24 hours - rather than jumping right into what I need to do tomorrow or what thing I got to try and force my mind to adopt and memorize and push myself to do.

I get to reflect on what I did well yesterday and that just feels good. I need to be able to generate good feelings like that on a regular basis to continue healing and re-wiring my brain to have a deeper, longer groove for doing things I want to do in my life.

Recovering, well first suffering from, and then recovering from complex trauma, I really struggeled with being able to 'want' anything. I was on survival mode and wanting something or asking for soemthing I wanted wasn't in my programming.

I remember in my 30's asking for the first time and I was so nervous I could barely stand it. I didn't get it but I was heard.

The next time was in my 40's and I remember literally shaking at the time and sort of holding my breath and bracing myself. I was heard and I got what I wanted. I don't even remember what it was now, I just remember knowing and preparing for having to speak up and force myself to ask for what I wanted.

So it's been a huge block in my life to go for what I want, even though I have and I've gotten a lot of what I went for. It was like a determined drive to get it - but I got it all on my own, I didn't ask anyone for help. It just wasn't allowed and I knew I'd get a "no" anyway, so I tried to just hold it down and make it best I could and accomplish things I wanted in life.

Back to the success log.

So the first question is What did I do well in the last 24 hours.

Question 2: what's the one thing I wnt to improve in the next 24 hours?

Question 3: What's one thing I can do differently to help make the mentioned improvement?

Question 4: How did I do in the last 24 hours with my progress on a scale of 1 to 10?

Question 5: What's one thing I MUST do?

Then the rest are reminders:  If I gotta fight through it, and face the discomfort and hardship? How will I feel if I win the fight-through? How will I feel if I lose it?

Rehearse your actions mentally. Find my brrier patterns. Do things to help decrease the barrier patterns. Train every day for what you ant. Doing or Procrastinating; both etch a groove in your mind.

There's a lot of new resaerch out ther about the magical effects of cultivating habits and getting passionate about daily routines that bring you closer to your goals.

For complex trauma survivors, there is an extra step needed; we have to learn how to re-frame the negative self-talk that comes up when we start acting toward what we want.

Luckily I know some fast healing and clearing tools like EFT and NLP to deal with the fight-through and the backlash of the inner critic.

I'm getting things done, but I also feel my confidence has increased. My sense of independent and free self has increased. My sense of self-pride and ambition has increased.  And I know that no one is watching so who cares about others, this is about me focusing on me so I can move forward in life and not be stuck anymore from complex trauma issues holding me back.

Train every day for what you want....Practice these feelings/experiences:


Self-Care is not  just about brushing your teeth and treating yourself to a bubble bath. It's about developing little habits and routines of wellness, or new life, of things that YOU WANT in it and about goals we want to achieve.

My Goal for June has been to do 1 exercise a day.  I have 7 easy exercises I can do so I don't get bored.  Also I've been doing a lot of cleaner eating, more veggies and fish and no dairy, bread or junk food.

My Monday through Friday routine is to read Calif Law & Ethics material daily. The goal is to pass that test.

My morning routine is making my energy drink in the mornings while I get ready for work.

I have about 5 books in various places, including both bathrooms, so that I read a page at a time but I get through a ton of books a year.

My driving routine is to say my prayers and practice smiling on my way to work.

My night time routine is journaling or coloring or organizing something.

I'm trying a new method of organizing my closet. Everything I wash goes to the front of the closet until I have all the clothes I actually wear right up front.

Recovery is not just about healing the past, it's about creating the future and the best way to do that is to work toward various goals in nano steps daily along the way.

Another recovery routine I write about in other posts is the Daily GRAPES routine.

My recovery routine is to read some note cards every morning that have reminders on them, affirmations and quotes I'm embracing right now.

I read a daily affirmation reader before I turn on my computer.

I read over questions that help me stay on track.

That's why I love a Success Log.  Along with the questions above, I pick the top 3 things I need to get done and 1 thing that MUST get done so that I don't do anything else until I get that one thing done.

The secret to self-care is loving ourselves routines that get us loving ourselves so we build up more experiences of feeling loved. These experiences, and the feelings they invoke, are what heals us. They move us forward so we don't put our lives on hold. So that we have a better chance at creating some balance instead of doing it some hit or miss way.

I never liked schedules and rarely look at clocks, but daily routines help create a whole new life. After awhile it all starts to accumulate and gain momentum and creates experiences that give us much needed emotional responses of happiness and joy, contentment and a sense of accomplishment. They break down big dreams into small daily tasks and makes the fun of enjoying them in the here and now special too.

No more pressure to hurry up and catch up to "where I'm suppose to be before all this trauma happens. I'm doing my daily routines and creating fun and easy habits in the here and now.
One day at a time.

Please SHARE using Social Media Buttons Below. There's someone out there would will appreciate you for it. Thank you! JP Bailey, M.A. Interested in EFT for Codependency Recovery? Get Relief from Emotional Pain & Relationship Issues! Blog: FB: Twitter: Kindle Book: "EFT for Codependency"

Saturday, June 10, 2017

The Inner Peace Process PDF free download here | Helps Heal Complex PTSD issues

NLP Parts Integration AKA "The Inner Peace Process" PDF

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How To Use The Inner Peace Process To Clear Up Guilt For Going NC | Video 2 of 2

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How To Use The Inner Peace Process To Clear Up Guilt For Going NC | Video 1 of 2

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Saturday, June 3, 2017

A Quick and Simple Way to Think About the Brain

CLICK HERE for downloadable PDF that is easier to read:

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Saturday, May 20, 2017

The Empaths Inner Torture - From Fantasy Dreamer to Disappointed Depression - And How to Transmute that into Wisdom

At a Recovery Training today someone happened to share that she had found this great article online about the "Neurology of Disappointment". Since I've been neck deep into neurology these days when it comes to trauma and healing, I couldn't wait to go home and look it up.  I recently found a cool thing on Pinterest about the "Neurology of Anger" and how anger affects the brain. It's a great learning tool for those who struggle with anger.

But before I could get to it, a light bulb went on big time and I had to open my journal and start brain dumping all the thoughts that were just then clicking and forming together.

The neurology of disappointment is like a crash, a hangover if you will. And I saw how that was a huge trigger for depression, right, because during the crash we beat ourselves up and start to neglect ourselves while we obsess on our failures and the disappointment.

But where did the disappointment come from?

Could it be it came from a dreamer who fantasied about his dream of following his heart and calling? The dreamer who fantasies about following her passion and wanting to help people in a deep way with her unique form of wisdom she got from going through a similar experience and now she wants to give back?  Could the dreamer be the brainy-empath personality who love to learn and help others, are introverted and tend to get depressed at times?

They say the best way to learn is to teach and introverts love to learn.

Let me back track for a minute to explain why I added the introvert layer.

I hang out in a lot of cool introvert Facebook groups and one thing I see (that I always kept to  myself), was this fierceness and intense feelings and deep thoughts about them from their anger and revenge fantasies of those who betrayed them, to their intense feeling for others and wanting to save the world. The intense-ness about their art, and their intense-ness about falling in love, and so it makes sens that they have just as much intense disappointment and despair when true love fails.

Introverts are dreams but they are experts at their passions and yet because they are introverts, they don't assertively promote themselves enough to get a success rather than a disappointment. And, because they are so "real" and hate small talk and believe in principles, they are just not into the whole marketing-make-money thing. But their chances to fail and get disappointment increase the more they hide and hope to get discovered or fail to brag about their creations and get them out there.
Then they beat themselves up for being "failures".

I noticed they jump into passionate romances with the wrong person and then burn in pain for decades. They pour themselves into their art only to have no one ever see it. They don't want to brag but then they are hurt no one discovered them. They dedicate themselves to their work and love to learn and to know and to teach and they love books and they love their quiet time.

Now I see the PATTERN of disappointment. Like an addiction cycle: the build up excitement, the procrastination or barrier and lack of action, the let down and crash that it didn't work out.

So.... heal the pattern. Embrace the pattern. See the pattern as your pattern. It's not your fault and you are not a failure.

The trick is to embrace the disappointment so you can go deep into depression to see all the flaws and when you're ready to come out and put it all together as a learning experience of where you went wrong and what you could have done better and how you should have looked out for yourself more and so on. You come out a stronger, wiser and still deep passionate dreamer who should immediately get right back into another dream and pursue it with all you got.

Dreams keep up going. Without them we barely have any motivation to get out of bed in the morning.

We need to feel that excited aliveness of having a dream we're striving for. And we have no problem with that. We know all we need to do it learn it and we love to learn.

So introverts have dreams and fantasies. And some of them are dark.

We have revenge fantasies about those that hurt and devastated us or those who ripped us off and played us, for those that abused us or neglected us or criticized us and pointed out how we not "normal" or good enough, which we internalize and have an inner critic constantly beating ourselves up. Worrying what others think of us and second guessing all our ideas with self-doubt.

Disappointment is a treatable issue as far as Energy Tapping is concerned. We just name it and rate it and then Tap on it and we start healing it that way.

No need to stop dreaming so much time away and start going for it again. We need to take more actions in that time and not just dream and fear and disappointment anymore. No need to give up completely on everything forever, but its OK to take a break from it all too. sometimes we need to process the disappointment to learn from our mistakes and grow wiser.  No need to fear being disappointed which is why we don't even get started on living out some of our dreams. No need to blame ourselves and self-sabotage.

You just attend to the disappointment when your dreams don't work out. Your brain is literally going through like a withdrawal and like an emotional hang-over. It's unresolved and needs to be able to process all the way or it gets stuck there. We get depressed and obsess over it and our inner critic beats us up for failing. All of these issues can be Tapped on with EFT one at a time to start clearing up the emotional hurts and the over all pattern.

You can also Tap on all the rage and hurt behind the revenge fantasies and don't hide those either. Don't be ashamed to have them because it's our nature to have them. They point to where we need some Energy and Neurology healing (where we need to change a pattern, heal the emotion, and transform the thinking, etc.)

The benefit of treating disappointment stories with Energy and Neurology techniques is that it transmutes into WISDOM.  Deep, smart, introverts already have strong intuition and are empaths, so this WISDOM is the way to go. Wisdom helps us respect needs and limits, wisdom helps us make better choices, wisdom is love in action.

If we don't heal and get to wisdom, another nugget of something we learn that makes us better and helps us help others better, then we start taking on people's energy way too much and have problems that empaths complain about that they are hooked into someone else's stuff because they can't help the urge but to want to help. That's the nature of empaths; we feel the world's pain and we are desperate to heal it. We rescue animals and save wales and cry for the children.

Or, we go the other way and cut others out of our life and hide in our isolated introvert-ism and stop trusting people all together because the disappointment is just too much. What if it were just our learning to set boundaries to demand love and respect in return and to re-wire our neurology to seek out like-minded people and not be slave to repeating the same patterns forever?

We could be so much more and contribute to the world so much deeper and profoundly if we heal our disappointed dreams and fears and transmute it with our healing techniques into wisdom, and share that with (the right) people.

All shamans, even wolves, will go off on their own for periods of time and suffer. They learn something deeply important that they then take back to the tribe or the pack and teach the others. It's been seen over and over countless times over the human timeline. It's our nature. It's ok to be a loner and go through a long depression, just don't think that that is the end. It feels like it is, but it isn't. We can heal our issues and then begin to cultivate growth and healing and true wisdom for having gone through hard times. Then depression turns into some major regroup and re-processing times rather than self hating and neglecting and isolating times, stuck in pain and apathy because our brains are literally stuck and the energy there needs to move and be able to process.

Some process with therapy, some with EMDR, some with exercise, some with a coach, some with a new adventure, some with art.  I love all of these, but EFT Tapping is fast, easy and free and you can get so much more done with it in a shorter amount of time, so I prefer that modality.

It does not matter how you process, just be aware that you can process your disappointment crash and it can lead to wisdom and dreaming again. It doesn't have to mean the end of your dreams and never-ending depression. Especially non-productive depression where we go downhill further. There is a way out. Just the thought that there may be a way out, is the first step of the upward spiral of recovery. It's called hope.

The more you embrace your nature, including depression and disappointment, the less you beat yourself up and the more you feel OK with being your unique, imperfect, wise, bad-ass self.

When we're not getting our needs met or not seeing our dreams come true or get disappointed in other people around us, we can get very irritable and angry and resentful and want to lash out. We have our passionate anger issues to embrace too. Or we can get very disappointed and scared and isolate.  But if you were to TAP on your feelings of disappointment, pain and anger, you would then be processing and moving toward your growth and renewed dreams again rather than staying stuck in it.

So add "Disappointment" to your list of things to watch out for and TAP on to clear out the stuck patterns so you can evolve and move on to the next better thing and easily drop the old dream that didn't work and get back to what you really want instead and create your next dream.

Be prepared to have hundreds of dreams and many will disappoint you but some will thrill the heck out of you and will feel like it's all been worth it.

Use EFT and other Energy Tapping techniques to resolve and transform some of the old negative thinking that no longer works for you along the way so you won't have old stuff as barriers that keep you from your new stuff you're doing.

Anyway, I just wanted to capture my excitement at learning that disappointment is a crash and I put that together with how introverts are dreamers and they also tend to get their hearts broken and their dreams smashed and disappointment too many times can lead to giving up and not feeling their dreams or themselves matter.

So by pointing this out I hope to make introverts aware that they can TAP on their disappointments to help them move on and get excited about their next set of goals and dreams that they want to immerse themselves in. It feels good and natural for us to be in our passion and to be expressing our art and teaching our wisdom.

Tap on disappointment and get wiser while at the same time clearing out the old disappointment that holds us back from trying again. But this time you'll try again a little wiser and a little less weighed down from old stuff.

Tap, tap, tap and clear that stuff out of your system and Tap into new choices. Always look for patterns and really Tap on those with determination and you will be richly rewarded.  The reward is in the ability to go for your dreams no matter how many times you've been disappointed and coming our stronger on the other side.

I made a supplemental VIDEO for you to talk about Tapping on Disappointment, Here.

For a FREE book on how to use EFT Tapping, Click Here:

For my book "EFT for Codependency", Click here:

Please SHARE using Social Media Buttons Below. There's someone out there would will appreciate you for it. Thank you! JP Bailey, M.A. Interested in EFT for Codependency Recovery? Get Relief from Emotional Pain & Relationship Issues! Blog: FB: Twitter: Kindle Book: "EFT for Codependency"

Wednesday, April 26, 2017

Frida Kahlo How Her Life Affected Her Art |Artist Creative Empaths Endure Pain From Narcissists and are saved by their deep passions

Please SHARE using Social Media Buttons Below. There's someone out there would will appreciate you for it. Thank you! JP Bailey, M.A. Interested in EFT for Codependency Recovery? Get Relief from Emotional Pain & Relationship Issues! Blog: FB: Twitter: Kindle Book: "EFT for Codependency"

Sunday, April 9, 2017

Recovery Tapping Tips for Trauma - Notes from a Psych Nerd |JP Bailey

I've been reading books on trauma, taking trainings and digging into my collection of trauma notes and materials and have been wanting to write up a few things for my "Trauma Wellness Recovery Doodle Booklet" I'm putting together for a trauma class.  (I've already done one for depression for my depression class.)

1. I think one of the best points I've read is that Trauma is diagnosed based on memory (of an event) and so logically you might think that the treatment is about the memories, but not so...

2. Trauma is seen behaviorally (what others see in the person suffering from trauma) - they outwardly appear as irritable and angry and lack engagement with people and keeps people at a distance. So, logically you might think that the treatment is about anger and stress management, but not so fast...

3. Trauma is experienced as feeling disconnected, feeling different, lost, loss of hope, loss of interest, questioning life/god/purpose/meaning, not feeling they belong, guilt and grief. So... logically you might guess that treatment is about helping the person CONNECT and ENGAGE in their own life and with others.  This treatment would look completely different from the treatments in the first two.

4. Self-Help and Alternative Treatments that help trauma that I know of and have experienced and used personally and professionally are: somatic mindfulness, Qigong, yoga, EFT/Tapping, NLP, Emotrance, EMDR, and the body-oriented 'Trauma Release' method.

5. Wellness treatment would be about developing a daily routine of wellness, self-care and self-love, social support from others recovering from trauma and dealing with emotional flashbacks (see Jeff Walker's book "Complex PTSD" and read his '13 Steps To Managing Emotional Flashbacks'.)  The more times you read it, before, during and after emotional flashbacks, the better it works.

6. The best help from others would come in the form of validation, validation, validation.

So - Gold Nugget of Wisdom from the above is, 

"Don't focus on the diagnosis or the symptoms, focus on the inner experience and on wellness treatment (develop wellness routines) which in other words is helping with self-nurturing, self-care and self-love."

Feeling safe is the big issue, so loving self and being supported is a huge factor before someone is ready to work on connecting and engaging with others again. They first need to connect and engage with themselves and their old interests and their strengths and accomplishments and hobbies, art, nature, relaxation, pet therapy, etc.

Rather than focus on memories of the past, or actions and behaviors of the present, focus on activating interests in the near future. Make it easy and fun and help yourself by seeing yourself doing it later today or in the next few days.  One of the easiest ways to do this is to give yourself some coloring sheets to color and color for relaxation for 5 minutes this week. Then build on that.

You're teaching yourself to move and to move forward and to move forward into recovery by doing something for yourself now - even while going through pain and issues and depression, etc.  Doing is not thinking, not analyzing, not trying to feel or not to feel anything, just focus on the DOING (engages yourself in activity, connects you with your creativity), see yourself doing some coloring in the near future.

Validate the present, empathize the past, but focus on the near future taking baby steps into engaging in life again.


1. Focus on self-care and safety

2. Use EFT/Tapping to decrease distress with relationship issues such as codependency (see my book at the end of this post, "EFT for Codependency").***

3. For domestic violence or child abuse survivors, I suggest a daily reader such as "Encouragements for The emotionally Abused Women" by Beverly Engel. (See it on the right-side panel or search on Amazon for it.)

4. For grief there is a daily reader type book called "Dance With Grief" by Christina Rasmussen.

5. For abandonment there is a little book called, "Black Swan - The Twelve Lessons of Abandonment Recovery".

6. Books on healing from Narcissistic Abuse are helpful to many.

7. There are a lot of YouTube videos on all of these topics to find comfort, validation and good tips.

8. Fake your way through acting or thinking about your interests, do something that gets your attention, give yourself approval and permission and homework to do things you used to do even if you don't feel like doing them. Going through the motions of doing them helps the interest slowly come back.

9. List of 81 Self-Nurturing activities are very easy and gentle and helpful when you can't think of anything to do.  (It's part of my "Miini GRAPES Booklet" Click here for your copy. )

10. Lastly, get psycho-education on PTSD and Trauma. Educate yourself, discuss it with others who are trauma-informed, read about it.

Often times there is depression also.

I've read that depression is caused by two things:
1. unmet needs (see the 9 Human Needs article)
2. lack of pleasurable activities which stimulate the brain's neurotransmitters to produce feelings of safety and well-being.

It makes sense to treat yourself by first attending to your human needs and then scheduling in your calendar pleasurable activities a little at a time.

If you go on living with unmet needs, you feel pain and fear. Painful memories of not getting your needs met are always being triggered and fear of future needs being met are always being doubted.

So, deal with pain, fear and anger around your unmet needs and start adding in pleasurable activities to meet those needs.

Think of 3 things you can do each day to do this that are easy or fun or both and do them like brushing your teeth, make it a habit or part of your regular routine.

Create a new routine that addresses your human needs. This can grow over time, it's easier to start out slow.

Deal with barriers, negative self-talk holding you back, triggers and red flags by creating a list of strategies of your favorite coping skills.

Chart moods and activities so you can see how they affect each other.

***Note: "Thought Field Therapy (TFT) for the Treatment of Post-Traumatic Stress Symptoms" is one of SAMHSA's National Registry of Evidence-based Programs and Practices".  TFT is another form of EFT Tapping. So even the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration  has approved of and agrees there is evidence for using Meridian Energy Techniques (Tapping) for PTSD symptoms.

Tapping helps take the charge out of distressful emotions, decreases the intensity of painful and stressful emotions and helps the brain think more clearly as a result which aids the recovery process.

Tapping is like "acupuncture for the emotions without the needles". There are tons of YouTube videos with Tap-A-Longs to follow so you can start using it right away.

A note on fear.  When you feel fear, write down what you are scared about and then question the assumptions you have that are scaring you. Then explore the opposite of our worries, focus on what might be gained if we changed our actions (to more recovery actions), What if you get better? What good can come of this?

Instead of letting fear take over your mind, ask your mind what would help you right now. Rewrite your fearful stories to ones with happy endings. Fantasize not about what bad might happen, but about what good might happen. What would be optimal for you at this time? Day dream about that.

It's OK to feel fear, just make sure you also put your mind on the opposite of fear because we don't know what will happen in the future. We are free to fantasize about the worst or best case scenario.

For every negative, try to think of 5 positives. An easy way to do this is to do a gratitude list. Think of 5 new things you're grateful for every day.

Learn techniques and processes that help you connect with your inner self so that you will be able to later connect with the outer world, people and experience again. You might find that you do so even better than ever before as you practice these healing suggestions.

"When worried or depressed, do art or work", is a quote I read years ago and can't remember where, but I remembered it and used it many times.

I either lose myself in art or engage in a goal-directed activity like work, house work, yard work, whatever, and both of these activities have helped me get out of myself and give me a relief.

Doing nothing makes you feel worse and lets your head take over even more, beating yourself up, further lowering your mood and fatiguing your body. Doing work or art helps you break up that pattern. Forgive yourself for failing to do any of these tips. Each day is a fresh new day to give it another try.

Write a "Success Log". Every day write down what you did successfully that day.

Re-live successful and positive experiences from the past.

Learn to re-frame negative thoughts. Ask yourself, "what good can come of this"?

List your favorite songs. Listen to them more often.

Try yoga poses or just stretch during the commercials if your stuck on the couch.

Practice seeing yourself having positive experiences with others and doing positive things in the future. Even if you can't see yourself doing them now, see yourself doing them in your future. Use the wonderful tool of your imagination!  Your brain takes that in as a goal and a hope to shoot for. The more you think on positive things, the more etched the groove gets in your brain's neural pathways.

Same goes for the more you procrastinate or let your mind beat you up or scare you, which continues the downward spiral of doing nothing, feeling bad. So it's a huge chore to do, but, what else is there to do? Just make yourself do it one time.

You only have to do 1 thing to get the upward spiral started. You'll go through ups and downs, but keep focusing on recovery tips above, pick your favorites, and you are self-healing and supporting the upward spiral of recovery.

"Face The Lion. Be The Lion" 

Finally, it takes courage to recover, you may have to fight your way through to it, but you can face your fears and embrace your courage. Use these tools to help you. You're not alone and you're not the only one. These tips have been used by thousands of sufferers who report recovery helped them feel better and get their life back on track. Even if it takes a long time... time is going to go by anyway, so now is a good time to start planting seeds of your intention to recover and heal.

For A FREE Self Help Guide for Trauma, Click Here!

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There's someone out there would will appreciate you for it.
Thank you!
JP Bailey, M.A.

 Interested in EFT for Codependency Recovery? Get Relief from Emotional Pain & Relationship Issues!  Kindle Book: "EFT for Codependency"

Thursday, March 23, 2017

Why I Want To Know Your Mental Health Diagnosis; And Why That's Not A Bad Thing

Why I Want To Know Your Diagnosis; And Why That's Not A Bad Thing -
Recovery Empowerment Tips For 5 Mental Health Diagnoses - A Two-Part Series

Part One: Rationale For Using Diagnosis In Recovery And Empowering People With Depression

Don't assume all mental health workers use diagnosis to put a label on you and treat you like a label. I'm sorry if that happened in the past.  That does not mean that all workers do this all the time.

We work in a medical system and diagnosis is part of that system. People are people and there are always going to be someone who does not treat you right.

I come from a standpoint that consumers aren't  victims of the system, even if the system is seen as 'bad'. Even if the system is "bad", that does not means all workers are uncaring and hold you back in life with a label because they use your diagnosis.

Give your worker a chance. Don't presume to know what a mental health worker thinks about your Diagnosis. What I think about is, "What is the best way to give this client hope and empowerment so they won't need me as much?"

I'm a consumer too and so are two  of my family members. I feel I have a right to express my viewpoints on the topic. I'm with you. I'm on your side. But sometimes I get passionate about things that may seem controversial. Give me a minute to explain and I think you'll agree that I'm doing my best to help you, and I can help you best when I have an accurate diagnosis.

I have a Masters degree in counseling psychology. I worked hard to get an education to be able to help people in and out of the 'system'. I'm one of those people who grew up in the system and went off to college to figure it all out.  I came back with my knowledge and experience to help others because I know what it's like.

I Never Felt My Diagnosis Was A Label. My Diagnosis Was My Ticket To Freedom.

Finally I had a name to make sense of chaos and figure out what baffled me for decades. So I'm a big believer in having a (correct) Diagnosis.

It's only a bad thing if you assume that your Diagnosis label makes me think automatic thoughts about you. Some workers may have those thoughts, society may have those thoughts, but I don't.
Remember that's "all-or-none" thinking and "generalizing" a bad experience to all new experiences. That might even be your depression talking.

Keep in mind also that things have changed. The system has evolved. There's more consumers "out of the closet" and we're normalizing mental health in general and blasting through stereotypes and stigmas on a large scale these last few years. So don't be a hater of Diagnosis.

Respect The Care And Years Of Research That Has Gone Into Trying To Help People By Organizing Symptoms Into Diagnoses. Embrace It All.

The director of one of our mental health community centers said, "The diagnosis framework  should be used as a starting point, and not as a label", and I agree with that.

Think of diagnosis as a constant and everything else is a variable. Meaning that diagnosis stays the same although the workers and the consumers and the circumstances and society are always in a state of change. Diagnosis may be the one thing we can lean on as a constant in a sea of change.

As individuals, we're are all unique and constantly evolving. Time is always going by. The System appears to be outdated at times, but over time it catches up and integrates the wisdom and experience of all its workers and consumers and offers up some of the best wisdom and insight into the Human being as you can find.

Your Dx does not limit you in my mind or box you into a category. It empowers me to help you the best I can in the shortest amount of time available, which is critical in the system. I don't have one hour a week to devote to you and your case like a therapist would.

I have a short amount of time to develop rapport, get a feel for your Dx and Sx and then decide what will best help you today and for the 30 minutes every 2 months I get to see you. (And remember, the doctor sees you for 15 minutes every 3 or 4 months, so s/he has to rely on the Dx framework to know how to treat his/her patients.)

Those 30 Minutes You Have With Me Should Be Packed With 2 Months Of Information To Work On So That You're Already Starting To Recover.

You should leave with a sense of hope, and a real plan of action. Maybe for the first time, the opportunity to change your life around.

When is the best time to start introducing a recovery plan? At intake, at the first introduction and always in your mind. What's important is how you go about it.

I will validate you, empathize with you, support you, be interested in you, and listen to you, until you able to listen to me and the personalized, empowering, psycho-education I'm about to give you that will change your life for the better.

The reason why I focus on recovery according to your diagnosis or set of symptoms, is that I know, I won't always be there for you, but your diagnosis and your recovery plan will.

Therefore, its best that I equip you with a plan and tools and a pathway - and the confidence - to create your own recovery routine. And it's best that you know what your diagnosis is so you can manage it the best way you can too, so education on your diagnosis is part of accomplishing your recovery goals.

So here are the 5 'acceptable' Dx that Medi-cal will pay for and here is why knowing which one you are will help me help you so much better, rather than wasting months or years of your life just being a 'support person', which is healing in itself and better than nothing. But why stop there when there is so much more you could be doing?

I Can Feed You "Fish" Or I Could Be Teaching You 'How To Fish' So You Are Not Dependent On Me Forever.

You will become aware of how to get support for yourself which is more in line with your real "everyday life",  which in turn helps you not be so dependent on a system.

So,… would you be willing for me to Tx you for your Dx in exchange for empowerment? 

Would you be ok with me using labels for your own good? 

What do you think people would rather have if given a choice: a half hour of venting or a half hour of being empowered?


When people have depression they need to jump right into the wellness & recovery model because they need to get into action, and stop ruminating which means not thinking and talking about problems but doing wellness actions and daily routines .

What depressed person wants to start taking action after months of procrastinating, inactivity and isolating? What depressed person even has the energy to do that? Not many. 

So the first step is finding how to motivate or interest them in recovery. You've got to sell them on the benefits of recovery but you can't do that if you don't have their trust and interest.

So the first step toward that is rapport and acknowledgment. I have to let them know that I know how bad they feel and where they're at or I won't have much of a chance getting them to listen to me on how to change.

I have to say out loud that I know they are depressed.  I let them know I "get it" by saying that I know what it feels like to be depressed. I share and talk about how there's no energy, lack of interest, no joy, flat and then emotional, and fighting with your head and inner critic all the time.  Even though it seems like we're focusing on all the negative stuff.

I'm talking about THEM and no one else understands THEM or their depression, so when someone comes along who does understand, then it gets their attention.

Now They Are Smiling And Nodding Their Head Because They See I Do Get It And Know Exactly What They're Going Through.

I'm also giving them sorely needed answers and explanation of things that they are confused about. I teach them about the symptoms and what they're called.

I make sure to say "The hardest part about depression is battling your own head that's beating you up". And that may be the first time someone has articulated the vague mental imprisonment of the shame and helplessness they've been experiencing.

So they're like, "Oh my god, she gets it, she knows what I'm going through. She understands what I dare not say out loud to anyone. Maybe she's got more answers and knows a way out of this."

I talk about the downward spiral of depression, how you feel bad and do less and feel worse and do even less and down they go deeper into depression. They nod their head a lot.

Then I share what works to help stop the downward spiral and start the upward spiral and this leads into their interests and strengths and talents and what they really want in life. Now I see them paying close attention with a look of curiosity on their face. This is a good sign because  with depression there is a loss of interest.

They see it makes a strange kind of sense but they never thought about it like that. They didn't know there was a spiral and that it could be reversed. Maybe their depression made no sense and there was no rhyme or reason to it, and now they hear their symptoms being organized into a label that may also come with recovery instructions.

Mainly I help them with their inner critic and self-doubt, which gets them interested because again, they thought they were trapped, stuck and a victim of the inner critic and have no way of fighting it because they assume all those thoughts are true.

I Teach Them How To Catch Their Depression In The Act And Say, "Ah Ha, That's My Depression Talking. What Does My Wise/Higher/True/Recovery Mind Say?"

I teach them the art of re-framing negative thoughts.

I still validate and non-judgmentally say that the emotional part they're going through is hard, and yes, it is very hard to start trying something different, but we can start with baby steps,  and I move right into  asking, "So what are you going to do for your recovery this week?"

Action in the now and the in the near future, is always the focus. Sometimes they balk and resist and doubt they can do anything. That's when I ask them to just spend 5 minutes this week doing one easy thing.

I give them my list of 81 easy, gentle, no-cost, self-nurturing activities, like star gaze, paint, day dream, bubble bath, walk in nature, listen to your favorite music, play with animals - things that make them feel good just reading about. I tell them to circle all the ones they like, used to like, or would like to try.

Pleasant Activities That They Might Not Have Done In Years That Brings Up Old Memories And Feelings Of Well-Being As They Read The List.

While reading the list, it starts to feel easy. It starts to bring up memories of good times and reminds them that these things are not gone, they were  just forgotten for awhile. The brain is already starting to heal as a result of seeing these soothing activities on paper because as they read each one, they are seeing them with their mind's eye.

This gives then a good feeling. That may motivate them to do some activities which will give them an even better feeling when they do them in real life.

I teach them how to pause and really take in those pleasant experiences, and let the good feeling linger for a few moments. Feelings of well-being strengthens the neural pathways in the brain, which in turns brings some relief from depression.

So the healing and recovery have already begun without them having to do a thing but listen, read a list, and see themselves in their mind's eye doing some nurturing things that feel light and easy and not  impossible like huge list of things- to-do would feel.

Next is social support. Isn't it great talking to someone who gets it who does recovery? Yes, they love talking to me about it, but they instantly resist the thought of showing up to a group where more people like us are talking about it. If they went, they could get more support, more validation and more recovery ideas.

But their depression and negative self talk takes over again and say "no, I can't do groups".
If I could get every depressed client in a room who says they hate groups, we'd have a huge group! 
They'd all have one thing in common and it would be an excellent support group for depression. 

So I did just that. I created a depression art group so my depressed clients can get social support while relaxing and coloring and talking about what they're doing for their recovery. It's once a week and they can drop in anytime and it counts as a visit if they want it to.

This Is When They Discover They Are Not Alone And They Are Not The Only One.

I focus on where they can find people who understand depression and how to connect with them. I avoid focusing  on people that don't understand them or don't have recovery. No matter what negative thought they throw at me, I accept it, even agree, but in moving forward I'm focused on planting seeds for them to have a better experience with people.

This also lets them know that there are others out there. Most depressed people like other people, they enjoy talking to someone knowledgeable and who understand and have recovery

"Just think what it would be like if you could talk to more people like me who have recovering from their depression."

Most still won't go to group and that's OK. I've planted a seed that I am not the only one who "gets" depression. There are others out there. Millions in fact.

This opens their mind and expands their limited often negative view of the world. Most people suffering from depression are criticized, neglected or rejected because of it. They don't feel like dealing with people or forcing a smile or dealing with social anxiety. They don't feel like dealing with people who might trigger them into irritability either.

I let them know I have confidence and faith in them and their abilities to be able to get there, however slow, because even though most people don't get them, like-minded people who understand - like me - are cool and they tend to agree because I've been demonstrating it this whole time.

Even If They Have To Take Baby Steps, They Got To Do Some Recovery Actions If They Want To Crawl Out Of The Black Hole They've Been Stuck In.

Or they can do nothing, let their head take over and go deeper in the hole.  I don't have to tell them, 'if you don't do recovery, things will likely get worse' because they already can infer that from the up and downward spirals I educate them about. They can see the downward spiral operating in their life already and now they know how to get that spiral to move upward, if they want, because I've explained to them that the more you do, the better you feel, which inspires you to do more and you feel proud of yourself for doing it and having happy moments enjoying life again from doing so which inspires them to do more. Do less feel worse. Do more and feel better.

I'm Giving Them A Choice They May Not Have Had Before. I'm In No Hurry For Them To Make It.

There's never any pressure to do anything, only encouragement . I just present the information so  they can clearly see the two paths that lay before them; keep doing the same things and get worse or start doing recovery and feel better.

Since you can make yourself feel better just by playing your favorite music or taking a daily walk or losing yourself in coloring, or getting a goal accomplished, or reading about recovery or practicing a craft that you're interested in, it doesn't seem so hard anymore to give recovery activities a try.

Already they can feel a relief, their depression has lifted because recovery has already begun in my office.  (Remember they perked up when I spoke their language, understood and validated their depression. They got a hint of hope when I educated them on the upward spiral. While reading a list of self-nurturing activities they remember or can imagine feeling good ).

Sometimes you can see them fighting with themselves about it, because they hate to admit that they can feel better and they can do something about it. They resist change which is why it's so important to get their interest first and validate them.

They're so conditioned to think the worker will counsel them and help them analyze their woes or that a magic pill will be all they have to take. They may not be used to getting empowered to take responsibility for themselves by choosing wellness actions.

They felt better when they imagined themselves doing some of the stuff on the list, and they have someone giving them permission to do things they would otherwise skip, or think was a waste, or self-indulgent or they lost interest. But now someone is giving them homework to do things depressed people like to do, like star gaze, read, color, etc.

 Depressed people love to spend time alone in their heads thinking or dreaming, and now they get to do it for homework. They begin to see a little light at the end of the tunnel, they got a taste of feeling good for a few minutes, and that's enough to feel that recovery may be possible for them if they keep this up.

If I were to let them vent and ruminate the whole time they would have missed all that and went home and did the same routines and would still be stuck in depression.

As soon as they leave, they leave wanting more of what they just experienced which motivates them to go home and do something different, which in turn gives them a good experience which then makes it easier to do the next thing.

The next session is really all about what barriers came up so I can give them tips on dealing with those barriers so they can go try it again. More empowerment.

I'm empowering them to know how to deal with their own inner critic and how to take control of their lives.  I tell them they are doing good and to keep going. I'm their cheerleader and teacher and I don't let them beat themselves up because it's not their fault they have depression and its hard and they failed to do anything.

I simply encourage them to do one item they've circled for five minutes once per week. I don't worry about what they failed to do, I'm always future-pacing to the near future to try it again. Most of them report back that they did some of them and they did enjoy them. I keep encouraging them to keep that up by telling them they're doing good and I'm proud of them.

I ask them about their strengths and their recovery actions at each visit. And it goes from there. The whole point is getting them to play an active role in crafting their life in recovery and reaping the benefits of wellness.

It's like teaching them the controls and now they know how to turn down their depression and turn up their wellness and pleasant feelings.  Officially this is called "behavior activation" which is opposed to traditional "talk therapy" for depression as it exasperates their rumination. They think they need talk therapy, they are dying to sit and talk about their depression.

I always give them some time in the beginning to talk about it, but then I redirect them to what helps all that by re-framing depression as a battle with the inner critic. They didn't know they could do something about it. Heck, they didn't know it was their depression and inner critic even talking when they had all those negative thoughts.

Depressed people are usually creative so when I talk about music or art that sometimes gets them sharing how they write poetry or music or used to paint.

I Encourage Them To Do Their Art Again And Ask Them To Bring It In Next Time So I Can See It.

No one seems this interested in their art and their inner critic certainly beats them up over the idea of doing it for fun and relaxation. Talking about art as recovery motivates them to partake in their crafts again. I love to see their stuff. I always find their strengths in them and make sure to mention them out loud and give them genuine compliments on their work.

They feel good about that so they feel better. They may go home and go back to being depressed for awhile, but  I keep giving them positive recovery experiences when I see them. I'm pointing them over and over again to craft their recovery plan and incorporate all these feel-good activities into it.

Almost every client despite their diagnosis gets most of the tips above. But if they have a diagnosis other than depression I go into the tips in Part Two for Bipolar, Trauma and Schizophrenia.

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 Thank you!
JP Bailey, M.A.

Interested in EFT for Codependency Recovery?
Get Relief from Emotional Pain & Relationship Issues!
Kindle Book: "EFT for Codependency"

Wednesday, March 22, 2017

Why Do I Want To Know Your Diagnosis And Why That's Not A Bad Thing - Part 2

Why Do I Want To Know Your Diagnosis; And Why That's Not A Bad Thing -
Recovery Empowerment Tips For 5 Mental Health Diagnoses - A Two-Part Series

Part Two: Empowering People With Bipolar, Trauma & Schizophrenia

In Part one I went into detail on the rational for treating and empowering the 5 Medi-cal accepted mental health diagnoses and then described in detail how I would treat a depressed person. In this Part 2, I will go into each of the other four. 


Most Bipolar people, by definition have depression, but that's not really their problem. They are dealing with excess energy, not lack of energy. They are dealing mainly with irritability and anger, and often times, anxiety too. Of course if they were in a depressive cycle I would revert to my depression tips.

They already are goal oriented so it's just some tweaking of the goals.

However during manic phases, they are already into action, always in motion, already engaged with life. They already are pretty much in control of and managing their lives, have activities and connections with others. Even if their lives are out of control in some way, at least they are moving. They enjoy goal-oriented activity. 

They may have problems with relationships or their relationship problems bring them the most anxiety.  They benefit greatly with some education on communicating and other coping skills when they are irritable and how to manage their manic phases by learning from their past ones. 

Just the fact that I understand that they're angry, without judging them, and normalizing their anger, is a relief for them.

They do need to vent, but not for venting sake. They actually work out their own problems by being given the space to vent. Just listen and nod your head and empathize with whatever they are venting about. 

When they feel the relief from being heard in this way, they become open to some recovery ideas. I talk about social support in recovery, because they like being social when they are manic and they need more (positive) social outlets where they can be themselves. 

You can also tell venting has helped when they get to something funny and start laughing or telling you something in a very funny way. 

Laugh with them in a way that says, "Yeah, we humans can be so funny sometimes". 

Laugh as a way to agree there's no shame in their mistakes. It helps normalize their feelings and mistakes. You've just done them a huge favor by combining socializing, laughter and recovery. 

Don't try and give them advice even if you know a perfect solution that they'll love, they tend to reject what comes from you because they need to work it out on their own. When they do, you can be there to agree with the healthy parts of what they came up with. Then you can add in a suggestion or give them some insider information. They are open to listen to things that make them feel more empowered. But they can't listen to you until they feel you've listened to them.

They Need To Feel The Idea Came From Them. It's Their Choice, You're Just Pointing Out Some Good Choices.

The point of this article was to explain why I treat different diagnoses differently. If we compare how I empowered a depressed person to how I'm empowering a bipolar person, the benefits to each will become more clear.

Depressed people are like the opposite of bipolars. They need the homework and the permission to do activities or be social or even to love themselves. They need permission to see their value and worth . They need to be redirected to make wellness a priority so they can generate their own relief from depression and peak their interest again.

So already you might be asking how or why I treat these two diagnoses differently rather than "treating both of them the same, and or as individuals". Well, here's why. If I let a depressed person vent, it would be enabling their ruminating, which in turn makes their depression worse.  So that's why it's important to know who is a depressed type and who is a true bi-polar.

Bi-polar's tend to be more extroverted and enjoy their energy and social connections, things a deep, introverted, depressed person would avoid or reject.  And a Bipolar might reject the soft, slow, solitary activities of self-nurturing that a depressed person finds comfort in. Depressed people shouldn't isolate for long periods of time, but they do need quiet, alone "me time". Bipolar people should dominate all conversations, but they do need loud, social, "fun time".

I hope you can see the difference and how I gave both the Depressed and the Bi-polar person empowering and nurturing support.. Knowing your diagnosis helps me know what won't work and what does work, what content to focus on and what to ignore, etc. 


These folks need the most love, respect, dignity and care that you can give. Just accepting them as they are and treating them like they are equal to you does a lot of good for these folks because they are the most rejected and stigmatized of all.

When you get to know them as people and see them, see their personality come out and act interested in them and their interests, they notice. It helps them accept themselves and stay in touch with treatment and helps them not to isolate.

They need love and respect "as if they were normal", which can mean simply being interested in their interests and not worrying about fixing them or anything like that. They do not need you sitting around feeling empathy for them like you would someone with trauma or depression who really need it and are deprived of it. 

What schizophrenics are deprived of is someone interested in conversation about their weird world of topics.

Attending To That Isolation By Just Being There With Them And Not Abruptly Abandoning Them Or Treating Them Differently Than Anyone Else.

They're treated differently out there in the real world and even in their family. Treating them like you would your neighbor or coworker is a gift of healing for them. You're giving them the gift of the natural human healing of connection which they are deprived of most. They suffer, almost like the trauma victim, from being disconnected from society. 

I introduce them to WRAP, I have the book with Mary Ellen Copeland's picture on it and let them know she has Schizophrenia and she got a PhD and became an author and a psychologist. So right there they get the message that they can still do anything anyone else can do and they can get well and feel better and take better care of themselves. They can learn to manage their symptoms and condition and live a good life.

I ask them questions about themselves and their life and what they are struggling with and I pause a lot, giving them a lot of safe space to answer. 

For those who outright ask, I'll give them tips on managing symptoms. It might be helping them see what stressors trigger their symptoms and what recovery actions help and helping them plan for how they will practice coping skills at home.

In general, stressors tend to increase bizarre symptoms so the focus is also on stress management and symptom management alongside increasing coping skills and wellness activities. It really depends on what they are struggling with at the time. I may find just one that works for them and just stick to that one thing for awhile 

This is different than the mood disorders where the focus of recovery is more about affect regulation along with nurturing self-wellness.


The sooner I know you have Borderline Personality Disorder the better. I stop the usual and switch gears, I tone down my empathy and increase awareness on my boundaries. 

I can't let you drain or manipulate me with your emotions because then I'm not helping you. Then I'm not in control, you are, and that makes you feel out of control which increases symptoms.

I can't feel sorry for you, try to rescue you, allow you to scare me, allow you to use me or pressure me or push my emotional buttons. I'm here to give you real safety. 

The safety of showing you were the edges are so you don't fall off the deep end.

To not allow you to move me helps you feel secure because you are still accepted by me. I still like you, I still care and I show all that in the way I talk, listen or look at you, but I am not taken in by your show and emotional manipulation.

I know you are not doing that for a bad reason, you can't help it and you're almost like an addict trying to get a fix so I help you sit down and have a cup of coffee instead and let you get the inner gratification of connecting with someone and that is hard for you.

 I'm still there whether you hate me or love me and that gives you consistency. I let you rattle on without getting caught up in your content. I help you self care and nurture but in general don't need to help you with much of anything except help contain you and teach you ways to contain yourself. 

Or I keep consistent limits so that in itself feels containing to you and you feel safe in my office. Feeling safe for borderline personality disorder is very healing.

I will praise your efforts and express confidence in your abilities, noting your strengths, skills, and accomplishments help your self esteem.

Social support is encouraged and general wellness concepts are encouraged but you're really going to do whatever you want to, so there's not sense in trying to say much of anything because you'll tend to disagree and reject a lot of what I say anyway (and that makes me feel drained, frustrated and unappreciated), so it's best to go with recovery concepts that are well established like exercise and eating good.

I hate to say it, but yes, things an authority would tell you is good for you. Borderlines need people in authority not to have it over them but to have it over themselves so they feel less out of control in themselves. Teaching them how to self sooth gives them authority over themselves.

People with Borderline Personality Disorder are famous for baiting you into giving advise  and then rejecting it and making you frustrated so they can split on you. So instead of telling them what to do ask them a lot of questions like, what would you really like to do? what do you think you need? what kind of support do you need? etc. 

Putting their treatment in their hands like this helps them with self control and empowerment and helps them not to split.

If they are hating on themselves good luck trying to convince them not to. It's better to ask them what it's like to go through what they are going through and acknowledge that sounds terrible. I give a little sympathy but no direct advice that can be rejected which would keep the cycle of asking and then rejecting help going around and around.  there is no goal and no agenda, your just keeping the edges for them.


First see the section on schizophrenia, then go to the mood section depending on what they are presenting with; depression or manic/irritability and follow the suggestions there.

basically someone with a schizo-affective diagnosis means a Bi-polar or depressed person with psychotic symptoms.

I always default to treating them like I would a schizophrenic first, with dignity and compassion and understanding because its been a huge struggle for them to feel normal, and be accepted in society and not feel stigmatized.

Some help with moods if they are depressed, give them some of the depression work, but if they are manic type or bipolar then its more about their actions and trying  to give them ideas about wellness stuff to do.

so treat them from the schizophrenic viewpoint and then decide which to add to that, the depression or the bipolar.


a lot like with depression but need to really slow down and see where they are in the trauma cycle and go from there. You have to be with them where they are and not go beyond. 

Help them with emotional regulation skills and self care and normalize the Symptoms by showing them you understand their torture inside of isolating but lonely and unable to connect and engage with life or others and letting them know that time plays a factor.

Validation is the number one healing gift you can give someone with Trauma, especially Complex Trauma.

They need healing info and time and patience, validation, it takes them more time to engage and connect with their self because the nature of trauma is that you are severed from what you thought was 'you' or 'normal' or 'life'. You've been ripped away from it or its been ripped away from you and they are truly tortured and stuck.

Teaching them emotional flashback management is the most empowering and compassionate thing you can do. educating them on all the symptoms of PTSD, including how they questions life and god and everything now and how it's like being the walking dead. (Jeff Walker's book "Complex PTSD" is a goldmine of what helps flashbacks and provides a paradigm shift that can pop them out of the self-hatred they've been stuck in.)

This gives them hope because they thought no one would understand what they're going through. for these folks I will share my own PTSD in a way that is educating them about Sx mgt and self care and how things got better over time.

These 5 Categories Are Brushed With Distinct But Broad Strokes.

Their edges are malleable and dynamic, growing wiser as you learn more through experience. Not every detail will work, but in general these are topics of best empowering to look at for each Dx.

They are not all-inclusive.

They are dynamic tips, in that you can use them all or just parts and weave them into your own unique ways of showing up for people who have a diagnosis.

Remember everyone is different and although they might fit into one of these 5 labels, they also come in combinations of them. It's OK to mix and match strategies of support and empowerment and see which one your client responds to best.

These Tips Also Empower Me And Bring Me Much More Fulfillment In My Job Rather Than Getting Compassion Fatigue And Being Burnt Out From Everyone' S Stuff.

It's my office they're in and I'm in control of it. It is not to be used by anyone as if it’s a cheap commodity. It’s a classroom and I protect its value and its energy by teaching.

Each mental health worker must do the same for themselves, in their own way, decide how you're going to show up, how much energy to give and manage your own Wellness and Recovery , and that includes empowerment.

Embrace your expert position so that you can help the public in the best way possible; not the way they want or you think it should be, which tends to lead to feeling worn out, unappreciated and drained.

Don't be afraid to practice your skills with your clients, you'll get better at it and you're clients will love you for it.  Don't try to dig into traumatic memories. In fact, stay away from "memories" as much as possible unless they bring it up, then listen, validate how terrible that was and lead them into self-compassion and remind them they are in the here and now and they are safe now.

Lastly, praise them for being survivors. Acknowledge that they've been through a lot. Give them hope that they can recover from this. They can re-invent themselves and go on to live a normal life, albeit with some coping and symptom management skills along the way. 

So with all that in mind, I hope you got a few pieces of wisdom out of this article. I know I would have loved to have read it twenty years ago! 

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JP Bailey, M.A.

 Interested in EFT for Codependency Recovery? Get Relief from Emotional Pain & Relationship Issues!

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Sunday, March 12, 2017

8 Brocades Qigong Practice

Please SHARE using Social Media Buttons Below. There's someone out there would will appreciate you for it.Thank you!JP Bailey, M.A.Interested in EFT for Codependency Recovery?Get Relief from Emotional Pain & Relationship Issues!Blog: www.RecoveryTapping.blogspot.comFB: Book: "EFT for Codependency"

Saturday, March 11, 2017

Qigong Morning Qi Ritual by Lee Holden

Please SHARE using Social Media Buttons Below. There's someone out there would will appreciate you for it.Thank you!JP Bailey, M.A.Interested in EFT for Codependency Recovery?Get Relief from Emotional Pain & Relationship Issues!Blog: www.RecoveryTapping.blogspot.comFB: Book: "EFT for Codependency"

Friday, March 10, 2017

Healing With Qi Gong

Qi Gong

How Qigong is Best Learned
Qigong is best learned in small, easy to understand steps broken down into lessons and practice sessions. While an hour of Qigong class feels good and has undeniable benefits, it is easy to forget what is learned during that one hour session. That's where these YouTube videos come in.

These are short, easy to follow lessons that can be practiced immediately. When you have five minutes to watch a video and do some practice, that small lesson will sink in and be committed to memory. Focus on just learning one move at a time. Repeating it that day or on consecutive days will result in an increased memory of the teaching.

However, there's no limit to how much you can learn in one session. It's up to you. Watch and practice multiple sessions, from 5 minutes to a  half hour or longer. Whatever way best fits your schedule.

These videos teach an 18 move set broken down into 4 videos to help you fit Qigong practice into your day, every day. Without daily practice, the depth of the teachings can be elusive. With daily practice, the layers of benefits are clear.

Healing With Qi Gong

How to Maximize Your Learning

It's more beneficial to know one movement well than to know a hundred movements partially. Focus on each movement like it's the only one. In ancient China, students would practice a single movement for years.

Don't feel like you need to get through all the videos in one session. Take your time. Watch the same video every day for a week. Or two weeks. Really commit each class to memory, and practice it sincerely.
Then move on to the next and build on learning each new move onto the next ones.
I drew stick figures of each move and labeled them and had a visual cheat sheet that I would carry around when I couldn't watch the videos. I'd practice doing what I could remember without looking until I had the whole thing memorized.
Once it's in memory and you practice it every day it’s a fun skill to have that you can take with you where ever you go. I've done various versions of it at work sitting down or on my bike making up adapted versions, or just practicing with my hands and seeing myself doing each move in my mind's eye. Get creative. Do your own thing to make practice fun and interesting. Challenge yourself, build up your skills one small step at a time. Enjoy the learning journey. Be proud of your accomplishment.
The benefits are really multi-layered felt in your body, your mind, your energy and even your mood and emotions. You become more flexible and stronger too and yet it's so easy it never feels like you are working out.
After a couple years I started focusing more on my legs and would practice putting all my weight on one leg at a time which strengthened my leg muscles.
It's a cool form to learn and have to practice for life. I can easily see me doing this every day in my old age and feeling proud of myself for it and benefiting with more flexibility, strength, and flowing energy which strengthens the immune system and the energy meridians.
It's also meditative and mindful and helps relax the mind and calm your spirit. Being dedicated to a self-care practice also increases your self-esteem, confidence and sense of wellbeing and wellness.

For an easy to do exercise that never feels like a work out, add Qigong into your Recovery and Wellness routine, along with EFT/ Tapping/Energy Healing for your emotional upsets and to clear up things that bother you, together you will have an awesome wellness action routine!

Please SHARE using Social Media Buttons Below. There's someone out there would will appreciate you for it. Thank you! JP Bailey, M.A. Interested in EFT for Codependency Recovery? Get Relief from Emotional Pain & Relationship Issues! Blog: FB: Twitter: Kindle Book: "EFT for Codependency"