Thursday, July 27, 2017

Feeling Of Endless Pain After Experiencing Narcissistic Psychopathic Abuse [VIDEO Share]

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Tuesday, July 25, 2017

Shame As Central To The Narcissist - Victim - Codependent Relationship [VIDEO Share]

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Monday, July 24, 2017

My Inner Peace Process Heals These 25 Things Survivors of Childhood Abuse Do As Adults

My Inner Peace Process Heals These "25 Things Survivors of Childhood Abuse Do As Adults"

It has been said that “no one escapes childhood unscathed.” But sayings like these can have an especially significant meaning for a person who has experienced emotional abuse as a child.

The effects of emotional abuse can be both debilitating and far-reaching, often extending out of childhood and into adolescence and adulthood.

For many, experiencing emotional abuse at a young age can affect their self-worth and relationships. For some, emotional abuse may even have contributed to a current struggle with mental illness.

One group wanted to know what kinds of effects childhood emotional abuse can have on adulthood, so the group asked their mental health community to share one thing they do now that stemmed from the emotional abuse they experienced in their upbringing.

No matter what your experience of childhood abuse was, it is important to remember hope is never lost and there is help out there.

Here’s what one community had to say:

1. “[I] can’t stand conflict, loud sudden noises, shouting and screaming or aggression in any form. [It] triggers my fight or flight, instantly.”

2. “I can’t accept compliments. When someone [compliments] me, my response would just just be ‘umm yeah’ or I’ll just smile awkwardly. I just figured out why… During my childhood, people just [noticed] my mistakes and not my achievements. So now it is hard for me to accept compliments.”

3. “I’m an overachiever. At everything and anything. I still feel the need to prove I’m good enough. I obsess about doing a job/task to perfection. And then I obsess about how I could do it better. [I worry] about others’ opinions way too much.”

4. “I always feel like I am doing everything wrong… It’s very hard to convince me I am good at something.”

5. “I become apologetic over everything. If someone doesn’t text back, I’ll believe they’re upset with me, and I’ll apologize. If I ask for something and annoy them, I’ll apologize. Everything becomes a situation where I feel like I’m to blame.”5

6. “I’m basically a hermit. My home is my fortress. I have BPD, PTSD and anxiety. It’s so hard to work or apply myself in school or just life when every time I want to apply myself, I can’t help but run to the nearest exit to catch my breath. I constantly fear everyone around me.”

7. “I have problems trusting people. I keep people at [an] arm’s length. I never really let them into my life. I don’t allow them to know of my health problems and my mental illnesses. If I do let them in, it is rare and they [will] have known me for years. It takes a long time [for me] to build trust.”

8. “Indecisiveness. [It feels like] every choice I make is wrong even if I choose the option I’m told to take…I’m afraid to [be a] parent because I don’t want to ‘mess up’ my kid.”

9. “I avoid saying anything that others might not agree with, which means I’m never being myself. I wear a mask of complete neutrality in any situation, because I’m so scared of anyone feeling negative towards me.”

10. “I’m very defensive which can come across cold or nasty. I also portray quite a lot of negativity which seems to be my barrier so I don’t get hurt.”

11. “I have trouble accepting any kind of love because growing up, it was always given with strings attached or used a tool for manipulation. I don’t trust that others have the capacity to love me unconditionally, so I hide away parts of myself, never allowing myself to experience the vulnerability that comes with being loved, chosen and accepted by others.”

12. “I feel the need to please everybody I deem ‘of authority’ and thus have a hard time getting my needs met. I strive too hard for [a] perfection that doesn’t exist, and then eventually, melt down when too many things are not up to the standards held in my past.”

13. “I find myself always explaining my every move. I explain why I bought something, why I did what I did, etc. I feel like people think I’m lying to them, so I owe them a detailed explanation.5 Also feeling as though if I say ‘no’ to someone, they’ll hate me. So even if I’m inconveniencing myself, I’ll say ‘yes.’”

14. “I avoid asking help from anyone because I don’t trust anyone. I believe if someone offers me a hand, there will always be something they [want to] ask in return. I have friends but I don’t have a best friend. I keep my distance from people. Automatically, my wall blocks anyone.”

15. “[I have] attachment issues, trust issues [and am] paranoid that everyone will leave me. A lot of this is part of my BPD. My sudden divorce also contributed to these behaviors.”

16. “I’m overly shy around people and struggle [with] having a voice. [I believe] no one wants to hear anything I have to say.”

17. “[I] won’t let anyone see the ‘bad’ side of myself.”

18. “I constantly think I’m not good enough and I’m not smart enough. [I] was told [this] all my childhood… I’ve gone back to university to prove to myself that I am smart enough, but it’s always there in the back of my mind, like a poison, reminding me I’m not good enough, not smart enough.”

19. “My whole childhood was emotional abuse. It is extremely hard for me to accept I have people in my life who actually care about me. That’s the worst one. I am nothing to myself so why would I matter to others?”

20. “I have a hard time making eye contact with people. I look away a lot when I’m speaking. I get startled very easily and it takes me awhile to get my heart rate back to normal.”

21. “I have major issues with anxiety and depression because of my childhood. The biggest factor is I cannot communicate well and I don’t know how to express my feelings with others because I am so used to just holding them inside because I wasn’t allowed to share how I felt. When tense situations arise, I get nauseous and uncomfortable, [and] my anxiety levels sky rocket. Definitely have a lot of emotional scars from my past, it’s been the hardest thing to conquer.”

22. “I never, ever fight back. I may cut toxic people out of my life with the help of amazing friends and professionals, but whenever a conflict is actively going on that involves someone attacking my character… I completely shut down. I let whatever they want to say wash over me until they tire themselves out. That’s what I had to do when I was younger. It was so much worse to fight back. I learned to let them yell themselves out.”

23. “Blaming myself for everything. I have to fight the urge to beat myself up constantly. I’ve also struggled with feeling like I’m not good enough, which makes things like school, dating and applying to jobs really hard.”

24. “I don’t really know who I am or what I truly think. Virtually everything I say seems to me to be a lie I’ve just fabricated for that particular situation. I have real problems trying to identify what I’m feeling.”

25. “Several things, but the main one was lashing out on social media for years. Controversial and angry statuses, just due to the anger inside of me. I have texts I sent my friend where I described just how much I felt this unsettling anger in my chest. Emotional abuse from peers at school to family [can] really [mess] you up. I then finally found a therapist who could help me and I’ve come a long way.”

You can Use my Inner Peace Process to help you Clear Up any one of those Issues.

See my Video #1 Here: Introduction to the Inner Peace Process, using Guilt for NC

See Video #2 Inner Peace Process for Complex Trauma Guilt for NC


Please SHARE using Social Media Buttons Below. There's someone out there would will appreciate you for it. Thank you! JP Bailey, M.A. Interested in EFT for Codependency Recovery? Get Relief from Emotional Pain & Relationship Issues! Blog: FB: Twitter: Kindle Book: "EFT for Codependency"

Sunday, July 23, 2017

"To the Left, To the Left..." NLP Ninja Technique to Move Memories to the Past by Moving Your Eyes to The Left

I want you to listen to the beginning of this song...

...Or the whole thing, ...(It's a great anchor.)

Then I'll teach you my version of an old NLP Technique that I call "To the Left, To the Left" technique. Just think of Beyonce's song, so it's easy to remember.

Ok, so how does this relate to NLP?  Moving memories to the Left gets them out of your way!

How does this work?  Well, we know the eyes are connected to memories, (think eye-movement therapies, rem sleep, etc.) Actually the eyes are connected to how we store and retrieve memories.

Here's a demonstration: Think about your first day of school. Or the color of your first car. Or what your bathroom looks like and notice if your eyes move when accessing memories!

Looking to the Left is actually accessing the Right brain. That's where memories are stored, where facts are stored.

Looking to the Right is actually accessing the Left brain.  That's where we look when we think about the future. The Left brain is where we create visions and use our imagination, intuition and creativity.

In classic NLP training they go even deeper than that into eye positions. They call is the VAK (visual/auditory/kinesthetic), system, which is all about where the eyes move when we're accessing memories, or beliefs.

They figured out that for V visual memories, when accessing images and pictures and movies, that we tend to look Up and to the Left.  For A auditory, when accessing sounds, voices, things people said, things you say or hear to yourself, are Side and Left, think of your ear, for sound.  For K kinesthetic, accessing gut feelings, where we feel things within, are Down and to the Left.

When we're stuck in a bad memory or old pattern, or limiting belief we created a long time ago, the VAK or the image, sound and feel of it is usually right in front of us all jumbled up.

Right in front of us is the present; what we're focused on now. So we definitely want to put this old belief that's keeping us stuck in its right place.

We do that by moving it to the Left.

We tune into the image of the memory or belief, seeing it with our mind's eye and we move it with our eyes. Like a tractor beam, we grab hold of that image with our eyes, and drag it over to the Left and Up with our physical eyes moving Left and Up, and we "put" it there.

Then we go back for the sounds and we grab them and move them to the Side to the Left with our eyes.

Same for gut feelings, literally tune into it, grab it, attack a tracker beam to it with your mind's eye and drag it down to the left and put it there.

Bring your eyes back center. Take a deep breath. Ahhh, that feels better, a little more clear-headed now.

Just that right there is an awesome power tool for what to do with various inner critic voices that come up during the day. It happens all the time. Now we know what to DO with them.  If we keep moving them "to the left, to the left", on a regular, then you get clearer and clearer about your present.

You can focus on your present moment more without being dragged down by the past holding you back by crowding your present, right-in-front-of-you space. That space needs to be clear so you can focus on what you're working on in the here and now.

Moving old beliefs and memories to the Left, makes it easier for you to do what you really want to do in the present, and enjoy it more too. You get much more out of it personally and you'll be able to contribute more to your work and the people you serve when you feel more in tune with your present here and now.

It's a cool kind of "high" in itself when you can engage and zen-out in the present moment, mindfully doing things that are authentic for you.

But wait... there's more.

What about the Right side..... what are we to put there?

Visions of your goals, right?  Wrong. Well, first we need to prime the future with your inner resources, then you can put our goals and visions to the Right.

First we need to get the soil ready for planting, so to speak, if we really want to do this right and grow our organic self.

Step 1:  Write a list of your most favorite awesome memories and moments when you were so happy, ecstatic or full of joy or full of love or felt profound compassion or a moment of knowing and wisdom or a huge accomplishment. Get a good ten or more written down.  I mean, good ones. I want you to read the sentence and not be able to stop smiling when you recall those wonderful moments when all was right with the world and all the stars lined up and it was like a gift and you thoroughly enjoyed it and felt empowered or pure joy or connected or just plain happy.

Step 2:  Now that you got the "To the Left" technique, you start practicing moving things to the left. And then after that, bring your eyes back to center and read off one of your good memories. Picture it, feel it, smile reminiscing over it, and move that to the RIGHT.

Repeat over and over. You pull up these awesome memories and move them into your Future by moving them with your eyes To the Right.

You're taking memories (usually stored to the Left), and putting them - along with the STATE of mind you were in at the time, and the good FEELINGS you had at the time. Notice any self-esteem or confidence that goes with it, and move it all into your creative Right, future zone.

You take the V visual image of the good memory and grab hold of it with your eyes, and move it to the Right and Up.

You take the A audio of the good memory, grab it and move it with your physical eyes to the Right and to the Side.

You take the good feeling in your body from that moment and move it to the Right and Down.

Now you are clearing away old stuff in front of you and moving it back to your past (Left), storing it in it's rightful place in your memories. And, you are creating the vision-feeling-state to the Right, where your future goals are.

You are priming your future timeline with the best feeling-states so that the specific goals you want to create there, will have fertilized soil for it to take root and be welcomed. If you don't put your good memories to the Right your goals may be rejected from self-doubt and inner critic thoughts/feelings.

Take that self-doubt and move it to the Left, take a good memory and move it to the Right.

Got it?

So, you're homework assignment is to try it for yourself.

For the next week, every time old stuff comes up, move it "TO THE LEFT, TO THE LEFT". And, when that's done, read your good memories one by one and move them to the Right, one by one. Do this daily and you've now got 7x the power of your good memories in your creative-vision-future.

I can put a genuine happy moment to my Right and then also see something I want in my future to the Right along with it.

Here's how it works for me:

I get a thought in my head, "It's going to take forever to get my hours and become a therapist and no one's there to help me or egg me on".  I feel sad and alone and overwhelmed.

I take the image of my aunt in my head saying, "you'll never make it" and I move it to the Left and Up.  I take the sound of my head going "It's going to take forever..." and move it to the Side to the Left.  I take the alone sad feeling I feel within and move it Down and to the Left.

The I look straight ahead and I tune into the Here and Now. Wherever I'm at at the time, I acknowledge where I'm at, feel my butt in the chair, look around the room and tune into present time.

THEN......and here's the good part, here's the part that actually makes me look forward to a bad memories/feelings/beliefs hitting me so I can do this technique....  I grab my 4 x 6 index card of my list of good memories, I read the first one, I bust out into a wide smile and I feel happy remembering that happy memory and how it lightened me up and how much fun I had that day, and I deliberately move that image to the Right and Up.

I listen for the sounds around me that day and hear my own laughter, and I move that to the Side to the Right.  I tune into my body and feel that happy memory and I move that with my mind's eye, like a tracker beam, to the Right and Down.

I come back center and feel empowered and happy as I take a deep breath and focus on the here and now and what I'm working on. I let the 'future' go. I don't get into daydreaming all the details and the figuring out how to make my dreams come true.  I just let it go, and I stay in the present with a secure feeling that the future will unfold as it should, knowing its got joy and happiness there programmed in waiting for me and that will help me with my goals when it's time to focus on them.

So that is the "To the Left, To the Left" (thank you Beyonce!), NLP technique for how to move limiting beliefs and stuck memories that are holding you back out of your way in the here and now. It also leads right into how to prime your near-future with good states and feelings by moving good memories and the feelings they contain To the Right.

I find the more present I am, the more my future goals become clear and when I see them, I also move them to the Right.

Try the "To the Left, To the Left" technique once a day for 7 days and let me know what you think.

You can find me here or on my other channels below.  Feel free to share.  Millions are suffering in silence, stuck, not knowing they can change and how to actually do it.

In a week from now I want you to look back and see how your week has been.  Any better? Was this technique useful? Did it help you? Then go ahead and do it again but this time for 30 days!

Enjoy and share it forward.


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Thank you!
JP Bailey, M.A.

Interested in EFT for Codependency Recovery?
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