Friday, February 21, 2014

Facebook Post about EFT for Dating and Relationships

Welcome to Recovery Tapping - Tap Out of Fear and Into Choices - 

What do you think about this post on my Facebook page about relationships and dating and how EFT and Tapping can change everything?

As Spring feels around the corner, it reminds me of when I met my My. Right. We're coming up on 6 years together.

And I wanted to find a way to write about how I went from abusive relationships to recovering from a bad childhood and then adult relationships as a result of that - to finally healing enough to get over it and then having a chance at doing it so differently this time, once I hit 40's it felt like it was "now or never" because I just could not see going through another bad one. I'd rather be alone.

I was even happy alone for awhile. But in the long-run, I wanted a loving partner for the rest of my life.

I wrote my book after all that initial healing I did.

But what you don't know is that the same year I wrote the book and began the whole process of getting it online, I also met my Mr. Right.  And we are still together.

So that makes these last 6 years even more special.

Yet its something I rarely talk about.

Online I thought my job was to market my book and help a lot of people with it and it would do well enough to grow from there.

At home and in my support group I thought my role was to talk about my personal life and not brag about my book or try to sell it to anyone.

So now, seeing I was wrong, I'm having to do some catch-up on my blog here to try and get the message out that what I did was life-changing and that I want that life-changing knowledge in your hands so you can share it forward too.

This book has GOT to get out there.

Seeing as though domestic violence victims get killed; I dare say my book may save lives.

Just think, if a gal who is in her 20's or 30's gets this book and Taps on her abusive relationship issues now, even if it takes 10 years of recovery or therapy or active tapping and healing, etc. if she had a traumatic childhood - and later she is free and healed and learns how to attract the loving man of her dreams who will protect and value her - then its worth every word I write.

No matter what I did - and I did A LOT of stuff to heal, for years, I was in 3 back-to-back terrible relationships over a 10 year period where I had lost everything, had to move many times, had to deal with the legal system and that's not even talking about the personal affects I had to deal with, even with all the help I sought.

The end of that 10 year period was 2005, so that was 8 years ago, and the last 6 were happily engaged, that leaves about 3 years there where I was a single working mom. The last 2 years of which I was dating very slightly. But for about 9 months of that time, I was very actively a whole NEW way than ever before.

So not only did my new way work, it worked faster than I was expecting. That's why I wish I had my book 10 years earlier, I'm going to be 50 soon and it makes me sad I didn't have now what I had back when because I would have had more kids with the right man, I'd have more in life and so on.

Don't get me wrong - later is better than never. But its not too late for you or any other person really. When you're ready the teacher should be there. I want my book to be there for when anyone is ready for a major change in their relationships so they too can have more of the good stuff.

JP Bailey, MA
Author of "Emotional Freedom Techniques for Codependency Recovery" 

J.P.Bailey, MA, EFT-CC
Emotional Freedom Coach

Thursday, January 30, 2014

Wounded Healers & Thurviving

Welcome to Recovery Tapping - Tap Out of Fear and Into Choice

It's not easy being a wounded healer.

There is always the struggle to stay balanced between so many things...

Between your own wellness and supporting others to be well.

Between personal life and business life.

Between your healing self and your social self.

And much more.

I think its especially hard for those wounded healers who feel they can't help others until they get over all their own issues, or have all the answers.

Its hard when rationally you know a lot of information that can help people, but the inner critic is saying you're not good enough.

I'm not really a goodie-two-shoes type, I don't find it easy to jump into "positive thinking". I find that's not practical when trying to survive life, nor is is realistic or even 'normal' to be good and perfect all the time - as if.

But I did learn - just from getting older and learning - how to live from survival to THURVIVAL.

What I mean by that is I've had many Thriving Times, but I've also had many, many pure Survival Times. I learned to weave thriving moments into those surviving times.

Believe me, I'm a reluctant expert on codependency. I love helping people with Tapping on Codependency, but at the same time I'm not a natural show-off, I'm an introvert by nature, so its been hard to get the word out. But let me share with you some Thurviving examples from my own life...

- When I was in an abusive relationship and later leaving it, having to move and go through the legal system and just trying to recover from it - I had post-traumatic stress for awhile. 

One of the things I did was sign up to a self-defense class.  It was very healing and empowering to do my practice exercises.

I was depressed, having nightmares, anxiety started to pop up in my life, I felt alone and ashamed...but I was also feeling strong and brave and empowered when I did exercise, walking or dance. And in those moments I was thriving despite the survival tasks I was trapped in.

- When I was depressed over being estranged from family on certain holidays, I created my own holiday rituals and did things with new friends. This was to help me survive emotionally.

After many years of this I went through another phase where I didn't want to feel obligated to holidays and all the "shoulds" they contain. I rebelled. This helped me to thrive emotionally because I empowered myself to be "self-directed" and not family-directed or society-directed. I was thurving when society didn't approve, but I gave myself permission to be free to make my own decisions.

For those of us who grow up Codependent and don't know anything else, it can take a lifetime to develop the ability to have a new viewpoint.

But you can thrive right in the middle of feeling completely screwed up!
When issues come up - you can TAP on them.

Rather than remain stuck in them.

Tapping helped me thrive more during survival times. Its my tool of choice on my Thurvival Journey

See you on the next post.

~ Jeanette ~

J.P.Bailey, MA, EFT-CC
Emotional Freedom Coach

Master's in Psychology
Certified Energy Practioner
Mental Health Clinician
Recovery Case Manager
Internet Marketer

Wednesday, January 15, 2014

Personality Disorders and Tapping |How Can I Tell If Someone Has A Personality Disorder

Welcome to Recovery Tapping - Tap Out of Fear and Into Choices 

  When I talk to people about Personality Disorders its usually to help them identify if they are related to or married to someone with a personality disorder. Its very common to not know for sure if someone they know or love has a PD or not. I hear it all the time.

It's perfectly normal to go through a phase of uncertainty while slowing becoming more and more aware of it. Tapping helps ease the emotional pain of that whole process.

As a psychologist I learned how to diagnose PDs and in my Tapping Practice I have mostly worked not with the PD person but the person who loved them and were most affected by a negative way.

The first thing I do is validate their feeling that they might be dealing with a person who has a real PD. But I don't try to diagnose anyone. Mainly people who are already Tapping on their issues are more concerned with "what do I tap on?" or "how do I tap on issues if they are about someone who might have a PD or at least acts a lot like one?"

The first step in Tapping may be to embrace the idea that part of this whole problem is the self-doubt that surrounds it mostly because whenever you try and bring it up with the person or other people who know them, your viewpoint about their behavior is usually denied. Worse, they can become quite defensive, aggressive, punitive and disgruntled for you even mentioning it.

Personality Disorders, like drugs, live in denial. A huge part of denial is shock. Shock is the stage you can be in when you feel bewildered or confused and just "can't believe it". That's why when tragedy strikes we tend to say, "No!" We can't and don't want to believe such a terrible thing can be true.

I am going to write more on this whole topic in future posts. But for today I thought of a Tapping Round of what to say while Tapping to get started on this issue if you feel this might be you.

When I do Tap-A-Longs on a blog like this, I use the 'Short Cut' EFT Tapping Method:

Issue: "Not knowing if my relative/spouse has a personality disorder, but something's not right."

Tune into that feeling of "not knowing" or wondering if they have a personality disorder, and rate SUDs: _______

Set-Up Statement:
KC: Even though I don't know for sure if my relative has a personality disorder, I love and accept myself.

KC: Even though I'm confused about my relationship with my relative, but feel like something's just not right about it, I love and accept and validate myself.

KC: Even though I'm uncertain and I suffer from self-doubt about it, I can tap on it anyway as I love, accept and approve of myself.

Reminder Phrases:
EB: not sure if I'm related to or loving a person with a personality disorder
SE: unsure about their weird traits
UE: confused about their strange behavior
UN: confused about how they treat me
CH: unsure how they seem to twist things around
CB: confused about things they say
UA: can't ask them about it because they argue, deny it and say its all me

Next Round:  Repeat EB - UA

Crown: I now release and let go of the struggle of not knowing for sure. Its ok not to know, I can tap on all the confusing thoughts and feelings anyway.  (Release hand off Crown like throwing a Frisbee up and off and then shake your hands out.)

Take a deep breath.

Tune back into being unsure, uncertain, self-doubt and rate SUDS: _____

Optional: Repeat Tapping round with your own freestyle thoughts that come up about this.

I hope this helps you move forward with Tapping on the issues surrounding being in relationship with people who may have personality disorder traits.

Let me know if there is something you need help Tapping on when it comes to personality issues...

..Because the whole point of this blog is to get the information out there and help you with what took me decades to learn.


- J.P.Bailey, MA, EFT-CC
Emotional Freedom Coach