Thursday, January 13, 2011

Signs of Recovery (source unknown)

Recovery Tapping


1. We seek to develop a daily relationship with a Higher Power, knowing that we are not alone in our eforts to healourselves from our addiction.
We are willing to be vulnerable because the capacity to trust has been restored to us by our faith in a Higher Power.

3. We surrender, one day at a time, our wholelife strategy of, and our obsession with, the pursuit of romantic and sexual intrigue and emotional dependency.
4. We learn to avoid situations that may put us at risk physically, morally, psychologically or spiritualty.

5. We learn to accept and love ourselves, to take responsibility for our own lives, and to take care of our own needs before involving ourselves with others.

6. We become willing to ask for help, allowing ourselves to be vulnerable and learning to trust and accept others.

7. We allow ourselves to work through the pain of our low self-esteem and our fears of abandonment and responsibility. we learn to feel comfortable in solitude, (and society)added

8. We begin to accept our imperfections and mistakes as part of being human, healing our shame and perfectionism while working on our character defectss.

9. we begin to substitute honesty for self-destructive ways of expressing emotions and feelings.

10. We become honest in expressing who we are, developing true intimacy in our relationships with ourselves and others.

11. we learn to value sex as a by-product of sharing, commitment, trust and cooperation in a partnership.

12. we are restored to sanity, on a daily basis, by participating in the process of recovery.

We plan for dinner.) added.


- Tap Out of Fear and Into Choices-
J.P.Bailey, MA, EFT-CC
Emotional Freedom Coach

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Spiritual self evaluation

Recovery Tapping - Tap Out of Fear and Into Choices

I like to take works that I see are really great for the mind to learn for recovery. And I have also my own ideas and reactions to them of how they could be more useful and how I can incorporate Tapping to help in the process.

If people have any problem at all with Spirituality, Higher Power, God, etc. Or, Tapping into your soul energy or Tapping into the energy of your meaning. Then you may want to take a self assessment like the one presented here to see how you would evaluate Your Spirituality by seeing if any of these fit you, opportunities for growth, help you examine evidence of spiritual dimensions in your life.

Spiritual Self Evaluation

1. LOVE a commitment to be present, to invest in another. To who have you committed your love to?

2. Belonging the choice to abandon isolation and independence with favor of hearfelt sharing, mutual support and interdependence. With whom do you have a warm friendship?

3. TRUST the willingness to be open and honest, not suspiciouis or cynical. In what ways do you allow yourself to be vulnerable? Whith whom?

4. MEANING a clear sense of direction, no longer drifting without purpose at the mercy of life's winds and waves. What gives you a sense of direction? Where are you headed?

5. HOPE the view of a desirable future, a present with promise eager to hannen with our help what is your vision of the futyure?

6. FAITH the step of faith, relinquishing fear and uncertainsty to affirm the not yet proves. What are your convictions?

7. COMMITMEBNT: the decision to invest rather than straddle the fence, to move toward a goalwith energy and endurance. Where have you invested yourself with strength and perserverance?

8. PAITENCE the willingness to wait, allowing the future its chance to emerge, no longer pushing the river to make life happen. How and when do you wait expectantly and patiently?

9. JOY the rush of delight that you let happen. When do you let yourself bubble with job?

10. IMAGINATION the new view, the creative spark that challenges habit and boredom. What would be some nbew options for you?

11. COURAGE the willingness to face limitations and still risk rather than playing it safe or being defensive. When have you ventured in spite of your limits?

12. Gratitude the thankful appreciation that counteracts the myth of self sufficiency. For what are you truly thankful?

WOW, what an evaluation. So spirituality seems to be about living your life and what principles or values that you live by or are inspired by or believee in do you follow in your every day life. Are you grateful everyday? So you believe in love? And standing with someone for life? Humbleness to admit hardships in the world are not ones any of us can do alone. We can be alone, at times, but the interaction of survival and intentional gravitating toward your group or type. Or interst.
What pushes you, interests you, pulls you along?

I wich I could give the appropriate citing for the Spiritual Self Evaluation, if anyone regonizes it please let me know. I think it came out of a treatment program in the midwest in the 80's.

Another one I found is:


That one sure is an eye-opener. So that will be my next post, unless something else comes up.

Signing off, Please leave comments or get on my list by going to my website

J.P.Bailey, MA, EFT-CC
Emotional Freedom Coach

Thank you for listening.

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Stages of Change in Recovery

Stages of Change in Recovery

Recovery Tapping - Tap Out of Fear and Into Choices

Presents: The 8 Stages of Change in Recovery - from the Mental Health SMART Recovery Model

The Stages of Change in Recovery

1.R. I begin to Recognize my inner distress but may be unable to identify what it is.

2.E. I begin to Examine my distress with the help of others.

3.C. I Choose to believe that hope exists.

4.O. I start Overcoming those symptoms that keep me from examining what is important to me in life.

5.V. I Voluntarily take some action toward recovery.

6.E. I start to Enjoy the benefits of mutual recovery.

7.R. I am Responsible for my own recovery.

8.Y. Yes, helping others strengthens my recovery.

Recovery Tapping Statements for The 8 Stages of CHANGE in Recovery (See AcuPoint Diagram and Directions to use these.) After, tapping on each on, create your own 8 statement list of what you'd rather have instead, and tap that in.

1. Even though I can't RECOGNIZE my inner distress or identify what it it, its OK and I love and accept myself.

2. Even though I can't EXAMINE my distress with the help of others, its ok and I love and accept myself.

3. Even though I can't CHOOSE to believe that hope exists, it's ok and I love and accept myself.

4. Even though I can't OVERCOME symptoms that keep me from examining what is important to me in life, its ok and I love and accept myself.

5. Even though I can't take some VOLUNTARY action toward recovery, its ok and I love and accept myself.

6. Even though I can't ENJOY the benefits of mutual recovery, its ok and I love and accept myself.

7. Even though I can't be responsiblefor my own recovery, its ok and I love and accept myself.

8. Even though I can't say YES, I am strengthening my recovery by helping others, it's ok and I love and accept of myself.

Reminder to those who've done EFT at least a couple times:(Always take before and after SUDs, say the full statement 3 times on the karate chop, then 1 full round (all 14 points) one each sentence.) If that makes NO sense to you, go back and learn EFT for free. Should be in my files on my facebook( see fb link back up on the right side.)

Happy Recovery Tapping!

J.P.Bailey, MA, EFT-CC
Emotional Freedom Coach

Helping people get over the issues that keep popping up (in relationships)- so they can move forward to what they really want.

Checklist for Evaluating Maturity

Recovery Tapping - Tap Out of Fear and Into Choices.

Checklist for Evaluating Maturity

a Mature Adult is One Who:

Does not automatically resent criticism, realizing that it may contain a suggestions for self-improvement.

Knows that self pity is futile and childish - a way of placing the blame for disappointments on others.

Does not readily experience a loss of temper or "fly off the handle" about trifles.

Keeps calm in emergencies and deals with them in a logical, reasonable fashion.

Accepts responsibility without blaming others when things go wrong.

Accepts reasonable delays without impatience, realizing that some adjustment for the convenience of others is necessary.

Is a good loser, accepting defeat and disappointment without complaint or ill temper.

(Sounds like I could do a whole segment on "Disappointment Management".)jp

Does not worry unduly about things that can't be changed.

This one is from a book.- Wow, an AlAnon booklet called "Alcoholism The Family Disease, even gives the page number 4. This handout came from somewhere and I don't know where - probably from treatment center since it's a handout and not lie the literature you get at real meetings.

Back to List

oh shit, I just lost it, I had to leave for awhile and got things to do, distracted.

But my Next Blog will be about:

From "" The Seven Stages of Personal Healing. A Fantastic article written by a psychologist who practice energy tapping and his own version of it.

I LOVE STAGES! There are 7 of them.

(Signing off now from California where it's 75 degrees in January - don't hate me 'cuz I don't need a jacket and all the Windows are open and I'm in a t-shirt and shorts.)

J.P.Bailey, MA, EFT-CC
Emotional Freedom Coach

Thanks for coming.
(comments always welcome,)

Monday, January 10, 2011

E. F. T. for Codependency Recovery

Recovery Tapping for Emotional Freedom


Hi and Welcome back to Recovery Tapping where we "Tap" (an interesting body-mind technique based on acupuncture) to regain our Emotional Freedom.

Tapping on Emotional Problems releases the emotion so it can resolve itself, as this happens we literally watch them fade away. But what happens then?

We have a spontaneous cognitive shift. I'd like to say it's my brilliant use of tapping and that I'm a natural energy healer and it's all my years as a professional helper at work - but I've seen 10 year old kids pick it up quite fast and get just as amazing results. In fact there is this cute little "Tappy" bear that is for sale. There is a hospital in South American for children with cancer where they use Tappy Bear all the time to bring smiles and emotional relief from the stress of what they are going through.

So, all you have to do it learn the basic technique and that's pretty easy, there's even a short-cut. Memorize the 9-14 points to tap on, and aim it at anything and everything you can think of that causes you problems.

Tap on 10 issues a day and what might you look like in a year?

My entire life has changed around for the better and many others have too.

So what about that cognitive shift, what happens next. Well, once we feel calm about our emotional issue and we've tapped on it our minds can then think it through and we might accept more or feel it's time for a change or time for a new decision.

That's why it's so important to know what you want and know what you would prefer to have instead of this problem.

Dr. Pat Carrington developed the "Choices Method" which is basically tapping on your new choices. After tapping on a problem you then tap on a choice statement, such as, I now choose to take better care of myself more and more every day. You tap on that statement and at the next point you alternate it with the negative 'tail-ender' or aspect that may come up such as, "No, I won't" and you tap on that thought, then on the next point you repeat the new choice and on the next point you tap on the negative "I don't know how, no one ever taught me" and so on until you've done about three rounds and you can clearly tap on the new positive choice without any interference.

Now these are just the basics. I just go over them from time to time for the new readers. You can learn all about EFT for free at of course, and you can read my blog posts to find out more about how to use it for codependency recovery.

Many of you have sent emails and some even were brave enough to post comments, I try and answer all emails. I want to thank you for taking the risk and talking about some of the pain you are going through in relationships. It's not easy when you're alone and in pain and have been isolating and depressed for so long.

But I want you to know, Number 1 that you are NOT alone, believe me, there are thousands and thousands of us out there, seek and find each other in groups online and off. There are alot of recovery connections and books to read others struggle.

Number 2 You are OK. You are enough. You are Good Enough.

Just say that to yourself and let it sink in for a change.

Just for today you can be OK and each day a little more. I used affirmations for months that were something like this:

"Every day and in every way I'm getting more and more ok. I'm getting used to being ok. It's ok to feel ok."

Using the words "more and more" and "getting used to" really helped me because after a long depression you really aren't used to feeling ok and you don't know that you could get more and more ok in the beginning of your recovery.

In the beginning you may be numb, angry or feeling nothing but pain. That's good! Feeling is a good thing because that is easy to Tap on. It's when you feel flat and not much of anything that it might be hard to even want to try anything.

But even with that there is a Tapping solution, Tap on "Even though I don't feel anything, I love and accept myself." "Even though I don't feel I love and accept myself, I love and accept myself."

So if you are used to feeling your feelings and processing them you already have an edge. You don't try to cover up the bad feelings by forcing positive affirmations on top of them. You can just go ahead and feel your feelings and tap while you are tuned into them and watch the miracles happen.

But I wanted to get back to some of your questions. Yes, I am still currently working on "Dating in Recovery Part III" and it will be put together with Part I, Part II and Part II continued. I'm making it into a nice little booklet that I will give away for free.

A free gift just for looking at my new site I'm launching for my new book "Emotional Freedom Techniques for Codependency Recovery" which is at

OK, but what if you're going through hell right now?

There's a quote out there I heard years ago, "When you're going through hell, keep going."

Don't stop and stare.

Keep moving.

Or when in 'the hallway' (when one door closes and another one doesn't open yet), go window shopping or decorate.

Keep tapping.

Things will change and shift - they will anyway, nothing stays the same, but if you actively keep moving yourself then it will change better faster. Movement is life. Everything moves all the time. We never stop moving until we're dead. Flat lines are for dead people, so it's ok if you’re going up and down or spiraling around. Just keep moving.

It's OK to not feel OK. It really is all ok.

So what I've done below is taken a combination of several of your emails and put them together into questions you can ask yourself about being codependent and stuck and then a Tapping statement to tap on.

Do you suffer from people pleasing and feeling guilty?

If so, then tap on "Even though I suffer from people pleasing and feeling guilty all the time, I deeply and completely love and accept myself."

Do you feel guilty for things that do not belong to you or are not really your fault or your responsibility?

"Even though I take on other people's guilt, I love and accept myself."
"Even though I feel guilty just for wanting relief from my guilt, I love and accept myself.

That is just what I learned and I am learning new ways now. From now on I choose to feel free of guilt.

Do you put yourself in harm's way by being around alcoholics/addicts/abusive relatives, rage-aholics, and difficult people?

This is a tough one especially if you live with one. But you can start taking yourself out of the firing range. You can begin to put up a boundary between you and them that doesn't let the hooks dig into you as much. You can learn to focus on yourself rather than on other people's problems. Of course, if someone is being abusive to you start working on a plan to take care of and protect yourself. Start talking to someone about it.

"Even though I'm afraid to talk to anyone about my situation, I love and accept myself."

"Even though I've been hurt and feel stuck and am afraid I'll get hurt again, I love and accept myself."

It's amazing how tapping will help your mind shift into healthier thinking and help you take healthier actions. Take baby steps. Take nano steps if you have to. But keep moving.

Do you take disapproval and criticism very hard? Have you been accused of being too sensitive and emotional as if it's a bad thing? Do you feel nervous around certain family members or critical people?

"Even though I am sensitive and emotional, I love and accept myself just the way I am."

"Even though I feel afraid of critical people, I love and accept myself."

If you have been tapping on these issues, it's time to start asking yourself, "Now, what would I rather have instead?" And start tapping on that new choice after each tapping round.

Do you feel guilty when you do something for yourself?

"Even though I feel guilt when I take good care of myself or don't feel I deserve to treat myself better, I love and accept myself."

"I now choose to feel free and innocent and that it's perfectly fine to take good care of myself. From now on I take better care of myself."

When you start setting boundaries, you may feel awkward at first but you know, as an adult, you have the right to change your mind - even without explaining yourself to anyone.

You can stand firm in just saying, "I've changed my mind." period.

You are not obligated to give answers. You can also say, "I prefer....this or that." "I prefer not to get into this discussion."

You are only obligated to take care of your own needs and your business.

If you volunteer for something you can "unvolunteer" yourself by changing your mind. You can say you have something else to do or simply say you've changed your mind, if you need to, you can say something like, "I'm really sorry but it's just not going to work out for me this time."

When you get in panic mode, tap.

Tap while saying a prayer. Tap while saying the Serenity Prayer.

Tap for strength. Tap for guidance.

Tap for peace.

When a guilt trip is thrown at you, you don't have to take it to heart, you can just take it as a sign that the other person has issues and is reacting. They will even get used to it if you stick to your guns. You will begin to care less and less about what other people think about you as you continue tapping on your worst fears and deepest shame.

If you do decide to set a boundary and take care of yourself better instead, and you feel terrible about it later and guilty and shameful, acknowledge it, tap on it while you're feeling it, it will subside.

Don't go running back to people for forgiveness and end up doing more stuff for them for their approval. Tap on that anxiety first and see what happens.

Don't let anyone talk down to you or talk you down or talk you in or out of something. You can just say, "No, thanks. Have a nice day, gotta go." And walk away.

You can wait and do nothing and listen to your intuition.

Take care of yourself first just this afternoon, just for the rest of today, just for today. Just for an hour put your needs first, they deserve your attention too.

Connect with friends who encourage you to take care of yourself, all else will fall into place.

When you feel trapped, ask yourself what two choices do you feel trapped between? Then ask yourself where did you get only those two choices? Ask yourself what other choices might you have.

What other choices might someone else have in your situation? What would a rebel teenager say about your situation? What would a protective social worker or cop say? What would a wise teacher say? What would a fair, impartial judge say?

What does a brave adventurer say? What about a person with lots of tools, what would they say?

All these people are inside of you and more.

What does your wise self say?

What does your recovery part say?

What would your sponsor or coach say?

Just ask. When you put your fears and problems into questions and ask yourself these types of questions, your brain automatically goes searching for an answer. Sometimes it's easier to give support and advice to someone else than to yourself. So what if someone came to you with the problem you are having and they asked you for your help? What would you say or do for them? That is a good insight to what you can give yourself.

"Even though it's easier to help others than it is to help myself, I love and accept myself."

"Even though I'm afraid and I don't know what to do, I love and accept myself."

Give yourself permission to have choices. Allow yourself to hope but not expect.
Remember, regardless of what other people do or say, your life will continue on with little impact of what others choose to do with their life. Can always choose to let it go.

You can always start your day over.

You can Tap your way to Emotional Freedom, one day at a time.

If your are like me and are tired of the same old codependency books that just tell you how you got it, what the symptoms are and not much else on what to really DO about it to finally clear away the emotional triggers and pattern behaviors - then learn EFT - Energy Tapping and you can start getting clear tonight.

See my free report and my new book I wrote "EFT for Codependency Recovery" at

JP Bailey, MA
Emotional Freedom Coach