Monday, November 1, 2010

Difficult People Making You Uncomfortable?

Recovery Tapping - Heal Your Past - Create Your Future.

There are many types of "Difficult People". They go by different names, Emotional Vampires, bullys, difficult, toxic, unsafe, drama queens, users, Axis II Personality Disorders, chronic complainers, manipulators, energy drainers and some other words not so nice.

But the focus here is not on them.

It's on you.

Sure dealing with energy suckers can be draining. Their behavior abusive, controlling, demeaning. The emotional reaction you have can be very distracting. The meaning that you place in what it means about you when they do or say the things they do and say is where your crisis-opportunity lies.

But, they can be the best seminars in town. Teaching us about our buttons and limits, about what we expect and can't accept, about the stories we tell ourselves about ourselves. Stories that can be edited.

When you focus on the lack, the pain, the anger, you are stuck in the unresolved hurt that has not moved through the learning process of acceptance.

When your focus is on them and your emotional reaction, your energy is stuck there. It cannot move on, it cannot process. Energy is like food; if not processed it rots.

Energy needs to keep moving, like blood. When your energy spikes it is a teachable moment. Teaching you about your weaknesses, your strengths, your issues, your values, your fears, your boundaries.

I have heard that in school you learn a lesson and then you are given a test. But in life you are given a test and then you learn a lesson. I have also read that once you learn the lesson, the difficult people cease being a problem in your life. The real lesson is to resist the urge to focus on them and look at you - even if it's not your fault and you did nothing wrong. I said focus on you - not blame yourself.

Vampires suck. Energy.

But you allow it. You invite them in. You offer your neck. Until you want something different and learn a difficult lesson. You teach others how to treat you by what you allow. Are you accomodating? Are you here for their amusement? Do you want to change?

Then get used to being uncomfortable. Get uncomfortable. Get familuar with uncomfortable. Get comfortable with uncomfortable.

Get used to saying no.

Get used to saying no and then saying no more.

Get used to uncomfortable silences.

Get used to not caring what others think about you.

Get used to being seen as the bad guy, the one who won't give in or give up and won't play the game anymore. The one who won't let the other one win so they aren't uncomfortable.

Face your challenges and feel how uncomfortable they are.
Face your fears and feel how scary they are.
Feel your hurts and feel how enraged you are.
But do nothing. Say nothing. Just breathe.
Just be. Just be here. Just be here now.

Step out of your comfort zone.
Learn a new step.
Learn the two step. The side step. Learn to block. Learn to bounce back.
Learn to be uncomfortable.

Where do you feel it in your body?
Describe it.
Send love to it.
Imagine moving it 3 inches down from where ever it is.
Learn to move what you feel in your body.
Learn to send love to places in your body that feel uncomfortable.
Breath into it. Relax.
Stop holding your breath.

Stand in your center, keep your knees slightly bent so you cannot get pushed over so easily. Relax your shoulders but raise your chin. Look certain. Look forward.
Move forward. From where ever you are, you can take a baby step forward.
Stand there and take over that spot. Tune into something good you know you are. Imagine it is 100 times greater than you think it is.

Imagine something more that you want that you think you lack. Imagine it as a coat and put it on. Try it on for size. Get used to it. Keep putting it on.

Imagine something uncomfortable that you hate and peel it off of you. Take it off like shedding an old skin. Peel it off and throw it on the floor and let it pile up in front of you. Continue peeling until it is all off. Put your new coat on. Send love to the pile on the floor. Move it 3 inches forward. If you can move it 3 inches forward you can move it a million light years out into the vast universe beyond never to be seen again.

Sweep the floor. Clear a nice spot. Make a circle. Start throwing in everything that you want for yourself and your life and then step into it. Own it. That's your power circle. You can create one where ever you like. You can put a chair in it and make that your power chair. Sit down. Power up.

Did you know that intention moves energy?

To move your energy is as easy as imagining it moving. It works best with heat, like a laser or fire from your heart or the warmth of your hands. energy usually isn't cold, for example rubbing your hands together creates a warmth, a heat.

So imagine sending that heat into your energy, where ever you feel it in your system (your body, your mind, your spirit, your aura, your meridian pathways, your space, your energy system)and get that heat to make that energy move. Try it. If it doesn't move then just keep sending energy into it. Use your attention and your intention and warm it until it melts and starts to drip, ooze, flow or evaporate. It can be different for everyone or for every time you try it.

Take for example that uncomfortable feeling. Imagine you are in the most uncomfortable situation you can imagine. What do you feel? Where do you feel it? Send energy there and warm it up until it can move.

Once it is heated up and soft and light it can move anywhere it wants it. Just allow it to move. Move it anywhere in or out of your system. Your energy has a mind of its own and knows where it wants to go. Allow it to go there.

Now mix and match these energy tools and play around with them until you get it right for you.

So that the next time you are sitting there feeling uncomfortable. Don't just sit there. Send love to it. Notice it. Send warm energy to it from your hands or your heart or your mind. These are ancient energy tools passed down from the ages. The only problem with a feeling is when it is stuck. It's usually stuck because it is blocked. A block in the energy system can be felt as a body sensation. Put your attention on that area and notice it like it is a little child that needs a warm blanket. Once the child is warm, or has rested or has gotten attention or has been fed it naturally wants to get up and move again. When it needs you it will come near and get your attention again.

Give it your attention. Hold the intention that you will attend to it and you will feed it warm, loving energy.

Now if you give it an honest try and actually DO this for about ten minutes you will feel a change. Sometimes it takes longer. But once it is healed, its permenant. It's gone. It's no longer there. So you can heal yourself. You can heal your uncomfortable feelings.

After you have given it an honest try and have felt it move and have tuned into it. Then go back to that very uncomfortable situation that you imagined before and imagine it again, and this time see what you feel and where you feel it and how different it feels. It may feel a little less intense. But still a twinge is there, so send some love to it again. And again focus on it and breath warmth into it.

By the second, maybe sometimes third time, the uncomfortable situation won't bother you anymore. Ever. You can even try to make yourself uncomfortable about it and it just won't work. You have removed the block.

It is taught in meditation to focus on the breath. Breathe yourself out forward, come back to self and breath in. In and out like that for a period of time like 30 minutes. Every time a thought pops up you let it pop up, you let it go, you don't pay too much attention to it, you can notice it or ignore it but you focus your attention back on your breathing in and out. So this is the same thing. Whatever thoughts pop up while you are sending energy into your feelings, you can think them for a minute but for this to work always bring your attention back to sending the heat into it and getting it to move. You don't have to rush it, but you move it along, like sheep, time to go, time to get up and move, go out and play, come back when you need something, but keep the herd moving. You are the shepard of your energy.

And that is your energy lesson for today boys and girls.


J.P.Bailey, MA, EFT-CC
Mental Health Recovery Specialist
Energy Psychology Practitioner

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