Sunday, January 2, 2011
Recovery Tapping - Tap Out of Fear and Into Choices.
Like a secret invisible necklace that is really a Target hanging around your neck.
Like a noose. Breaking the Code of the Pendent requires going within it to the core of yourself, even though the urge is to look outside of yourself.
That's what the Pendent does, as long as it's worn you are powerless to stop focusing on others.
The root of the code is many layers deep. The code is a maze of puzzels. There are clues along the way if one is honest, brutally honest with onself.
It may seem scary at first, you expect your worst fears and deepest shames to turn out to be true and you'll feel even worse.
But that is the curse.
It's like being hypnotized with the suggestions programmed into your mind that once you try to take it off you are triggered to self-destuct
You have been in a trance to blame yourself. To think there is something wrong with you.
This is how the abusers get away with what they do and messing with the mind and emotions of the young.
But once you break the code and take off the target you break the spell.
Because the truth is that you are innocent, not guilty. You did nothing wrong, the shame is not yours. There is nothing wrong with you. I know it's puzzeling.
For you, being a good person, you can't fathom or understand why someone would do bad things to you if it were not your fault. Thinking everyone is a nice or good person deep down inside - like yourself - you have been blinded to the truth of the number of people who are predators, even evil. People with no empathy, no remorese, who only care about themselves, their pleasures, their ego, their control over others.
And codependents have been progrmmed to think it's theier faulth and so they carry around shame and guilt and think badly of themselves and it just gets worse over time. They were they target around their neck. That's why the users, losers and abusers alwasys seem to find them.
They take advantage of your feeling that you aren't good enough. They exploit it.
The first thing you must do to break the spell is to know and declare that you are good. You are good enough. There is nothing wrong with you. No one is completely healthy and you are just fine the way you are.
You must start to take notice of things people say that trigger that old feeling os shame where you feel less valuable than others and want to grovel or cower or be subserviant or self-effacing.
Write those triggers down. Somethings its just a look of distain or a comment of disapproval or a tone of condensation. That's how they get your guard down. The test you and feel you out.
Once they see you deflate a little they know you're a victim, an easy target. And there you go again trying to people-please so they will approve of you, like you, be nice to you again.
You'll be a doormat and do anything for long periods of time, sticking up for them, cleaning up after them, praising them, offering yourself to them until you are in good with them again.
Once you've had enough and are drained and feel tired of it, magically they turn around and turn on the charm again and pull you back in. After the withdrawal of approval the approval and acceptance feels so good it s a high and it's intoxicating and you go right back.
That is the cycle of abuse or codepedency of addiction. The tension, the build up, the climax, the honeymood phase, the withdrawal the tension and on and on.
The only way out is to step out of that cycle. The only way to step out is to be OK with appearing like the bad guy. You can't rescue and your can't fight back and you can't be the victim. You just walk away. Cut your loses and move on.
In order to do that you need to face your own shame and guilt - even if you really didn't deserve it or do anything wrong.
Tapping on shame and guilt will help clear it ip alot faster than any other method. You do a Full-Round on the shame you feel, the feeling that there is something wrong with you, that you are not good enough. Do 3 good Full Rounds on that while you really tune into it. Remember all the times you felt it, the first time you remember feeling that way and it influencing your behavior.
Facing that you are a victim is not easy, it is humiliating, humbling. It's not easy to admist that you werw abused, taken advantage of - And, that you let it happen.
You didn't know any better. That is what you were trained to do, that is what you learned. You can learn new, better, empowering ways to take care of yourself.
"Even though I feel shame about myself, I love and accept myself"
"Even though I feel guilty for every little thing that I don't do right, I love and accept myself."
"Even though I feel I'm not good enough, I love and accept myself."
And then you imagine a shield instead of a target on your chest.
But the trick is to pay attention to any little familiar feeling that reminds you of the way you used to feel and get triggered so that you won't fall for that again.
In the meanwhile, it's time to build yourself up by choosing new thoughts and beliefs and writing them down and repeating them daily or every time you feel like you're about to slip.
One way is to write a list of all your negative thoughts about yourself, and then make another list of the opposite, turning them into positive affirmations.
Make a list of accomplishments and good things about yourself and your life and keep adding to it.
Join a support group that supports you being you the way you are. And increase your self care and get back into hobbies and past times that you used to enjoy. It's time to put the focus on yourself.
Breaking the code of the pendent spell that has been placed on you is only a decidion away. A decision to get honest, decide you don't want to be that way any more, tap on your issues, replace them with empowering affirmations and back it up with self-care actions. Then instead of a target on your chest, you'll have a shield that protects you and has the negativity from predators bounce right off of you and they don't pay any attention to you after awhile, they go look for weaker ones they can exploit and take advantage of.
But if you are tested, even if you have to fake it before you make it, you can Tap on it too, you get comfortable or at least tolerate feeling uncomfortable being the bad guy and not the rescuer who turns into the victim every time someone tries to push your buttons to get their approval.
Approve of yourself.
You're not here for anyone else's approval.
J.P.Bailey, MA, EFT-CC
Emotional Freedom Coach