Wednesday, November 16, 2016
Why do I miss my abusive (narcissistic) ex?
Sometimes I get so angry...
My head realizes he constantly lied, and hit me, and cheated, and hurt me in every way imaginable...
I know that he's dangerous and scary, and I'm so thankful my girls and I were granted a protection order... But why does my heart still love him, and miss him, and wish he loved and missed me...
I've learned that he never did love, or care, cuz he's incapable...
I just wish I could heal from all the damage, and someday get to know what real love is."..
Its the addictive nature of codependency.
The love addict is addicted to the avoidance addict.
The codependent is addicted to the narcissist.
Its the toxic relationship pattern we are stuck in until we start clearing it up and start focusing on what we really want in our love life.
It's also detoxing the toxic loneliness that gets triggered when we end an abusive relationship. Our "cravings" after we quit a mind-altering 'substance'.
I learned a lot about this in the book, "Complex Trauma - From Surviving To Thriving", by Jeff Walker. In it, he describes the 4 types of codependents (fight, flight, freeze and fawn) and the dynamics of each one and what we go through in trying to recover.
The main point is to grieve the loss from being abandoned, or abused, by our family and getting mad at them for doing that to us. The biggest problem we have is our own self-doubt in our heads that keeps us isolated and longing for connection with others. Since we're scared of healthy people, we start craving the old stand-by again; the toxic relationship that's familiar.
The way out is recovery that attends to expanding our social support, increases our wellness and self-care and uses tools like EFT and NLP to clear up old patterns and start to create new ones in an active manner; like having a daily routine that attends to each of these key areas. This keeps our recovery going and helps up keep at healing.
Using EFT heal one thing a day for 90 days and then see where you're at. I'm not saying you'll be cured forever... but,
...You sure won't be stuck at where you are now.
You got nothing to lose but your emotional upsets, desperation and toxic relationships patterns.
JP Bailey, MA
P.S. (There's also a really good book I highly recommend called, "Encouragements for the Emotionally Abused Woman", by Beverly Enges, MFCC.)
Please SHARE using Social Media Buttons Below. There's someone out there would will appreciate you for it. Thank you! JP Bailey, M.A. Interested in EFT for Codependency Recovery? Get Relief from Emotional Pain & Relationship Issues! Blog: www.RecoveryTapping.blogspot.com FB: https://www.facebook.com/jp.baileyma Twitter: https://twitter.com/RecoveryTapping Kindle Book: "EFT for Codependency"