Sunday, January 22, 2017

Mature Dating Tips for Women Over 40 | 6 Steps To Finding A Good, Loving, Kind Man, Once And For All!

Soul-Searching Steps To Help You Find Your Soulmate

FIRST - Two Things You Must Do To Be Prepared for Mature Dating

The following 6 steps to finding a good man once and for all, come with one or two caveats...
One is that I think its important to be on some sort of healing or recovery path and have a routine of self-love or wellness that you practice before you jump into dating again.
Two is that it behooves you to have at least one healing technique in your tool box that you know how to use when you get stressed out.
If you don't have a stress-reduction tool then this new kind of work is going to be really, really hard. So hard you'll probably give up and say it doesn't work. It is so easy to slip right back into old patterns when you're stressed> If you don't have a stress-reducing coping skill,. I strongly suggest EFT Tapping.
Now there are plenty of books on the topic, including my own (see below article), but its easy to learn and only takes a few minutes and is great for calming down intense emotions.
Other coping skill choices for stress might be mindfulness, exercise, if meditation really works for you go for it, there's also counseling (which is never a bad idea), and at the very least journaling where you can process. If you don't have a strong support system then I'd also suggest some kind of social support or support group attendance that will benefit you in a myriad of ways..
As long as you're active on your wellness journey, and you have these things in place, dating is really just a natural extension of that. It will be much easier. More fun too.
Remember, when dating, the main needs to have met for women over 40 are self-care and social support. You're not going in this alone. And you're certainly not going into this feeling deprived and lonely. You're going into while loving yourself. You're going into this with your eyes wide open and you'll have plenty of contemplating time before you jump in..

Make Wellness A Priority

So, you're single or divorced and you want to meet a good man once and for all and you are working on yourself and you regularly use your stress-busting coping skills when all your issues get triggered. Time to learn the 6 Steps to finding true love.
But first let me tell you a little about how I found these 6 steps and who am I to claim that they will work for you.
Then I'll give you all the information that you need to know, including a training video for the worksheet I talk about in this very article. There's no need for you to buy anything or go anywhere else, so sit back and relax and take mental notes as you take in some wisdom that changes women's lives and will change your love life forever.

Where I Found Myself...And My Women Friends

I had my Masters in Psychology, a good job, great friends…, and still I found myself alone with a string of losers behind me and an uncertain future ahead of me.
And I wasn't alone. Several of my over 40 women friends were in the same boat; they wanted real love.
Like me, they were stuck in uncertainty, afraid they'd just get more of the same if they tried dating again.
I needed a new way of dating. So, like any self-help-psych nerd, I set about to finding it.

I Found Several Mature Dating Nuggets That Worked

I found that when I combined my psych knowledge and healing techniques and applied them to relationships, old toxic patterns began to change before my eyes.
Guys I used to think were cool no longer turned me on.
I got in touch with what I really wanted.
I can't take credit for this, but I think when a women turns 40 she goes for what she wants with a lot more confidence than when she was 24, and dating is no different. You've grown up and have given yourself permission to go after what you really want, because by 40 you just know you can.
I think it's a result of 2 things: less submission to social pressures and years of experience managing jobs, kids, households, and relationships behind you that create confidence in your ability to get things done. Don't judge your looks against the 24 year old you and don't discount your growth and how much more you know now at 40. Look at all you've learned! Embrace your knowledge, of life, of society, of men and use it to chose the man who is best for you..

A Word About The Dating Pool After 40...

According to the US Census there are 107 Million people who are single. 53% of them are women.
Since 18 Million of them are over age 65, that leaves 89 Million singles over the age of 18 that are dating material.
Most age lists count adults as anyone over 18 and if you look at singles that way, it seems that there are only 88 men for every 100 women. But as you look at the older ages, the span gets much shorter.
38% of single people between 35-64 are female, and about 36% are male who are single. So not bad odds. Only a 2 point spread.
In effect, there are still plenty of good men for you to date over 40.

  ...There Are Plenty Of Fish In The Dating Pool

Here Are The 6 Steps to Finding A Good, Loving, Kind Man In A Nutshell

  1. Heal your issues and upsets so you have control over how you react and deal.
  2. Write a list of what you really want and heal the negative self-talk that comes up when you look at what you want.
  3. Do a self-inventory of your positive traits you have to offer
  4. Do a Relationship History to find Patterns that you like and don't like.
  5. Write up your 3 Lists for dating *(see below for the 3 lists)
  6. Date.
Repeat Step 6 until you find someone to go steady with for awhile - if its a mutual decision to be exclusive. (If you do, give it 3-6 months before you decide to invest in a serious relationship ie. (engagement material) or go back to dating. Don't ever let a man keep you "on hold" for years on end without a full-on commitment.
"If he's not ready to commit, then it's time for you to quit".
One of two things will happen, he'll either come to his senses and realize he doesn't want to lose you and really wants you for life, or he won't and you'll be back to dating to find the man who does.

 Back To The 6 Steps...

Step 1. Use your coping skills on your issues and upsets so that you have more control and less re-activeness which in turn makes you deal with life's daily issues.
You've heard the term 'shit happens'? Well, I say shit's suppose to happen. That's how we learn and practice and get to see our progress in dealing with stress. So expect it, embrace it and deal with it. Use your coping skills on a regular.

Step 2.

Write a list of what you really want.
And here's the real key with this - you're not just going to write a list to focus on and day dream about. You are going to use this list for dating. But another important function of this list is to notice, and pay attention too, all the BS that your head comes up with in response to you wanting what you want or need.
Ever notice how as soon as you say you want something, your head chimes in with, "Yeah but..bla bla.." ...., giving you some reason why it's highly unlikely or impossible to have?. Things like "I could never have that",or "it won't really happen" make you give up before you even get started. These are just old programmed beliefs that can be changed.
Rather than let that inner critic hold you back, you use Step 1 Coping skills to deal with it so you are free of it. For women who are not used to feeling OK to want something... you have my permission to want what you want. Anything else is an old belief that needs some work.
Make that work easy with EFT Tapping, it could be gone in minutes to days from now instead of haunting you for years to come.

Do Your Homework

Step 3.

Do a self-inventory of your positive traits.
Read it often.
You need to be familiar with your value and what you bring to a relationship which makes demanding your needs get met much more guilt-free because you see that you really do deserve it, you really are worth it and you have a lot to offer and are willing to devote to the right man. . Sit down with pen and paper and write out all of the following and read it often
A. Your good traits
B. Your good characteristics.
C. All of your strengths.
D. All of your assets.
E. All of your accomplishments
F. All of the comments you've heard from family, friends and co-workers who like you. Even ask a few and write down the good they see in you.
You need to embrace this so you'll see it makes sense to work at finding a guy worthy of all that they'll get with you.
The Payoff for doing your homework is this: When they meet your needs in return for your love, it makes love especially sweet and savory. When you love what they got and always wanted it and you got what they really wanted in a women. That's bliss baby!

Step 4.

Now you're ready for the Relationship History Chart
Going back and looking at your patterns and past mistakes, and worse, when you were used or disrespected, is hard. It can be brutal. So go in equipped with your Wonderful-You list in Step 3 so you can remind yourself often of who you are and why you're doing this.
You're only diving into the past to gather critical information that you need for the next step.
So get in. Get the info. And get out.
You'll spend some time on this step but its an expedition. It's not a drive down memory lane to beat yourself up over.
Tell yourself that when you're done with this you'll put your history aside and move forward now with new dating choices. Remind yourself that you are determined to date in a smarter way this time.
A new and better way.

Now you're ready for the Relationship History
Make a list of all your relationships and then one by one list a few things that stand out for each one.
Make sure to note what you liked about it and what you didn't like.
Look for warning signs and red flags that you see now but didn't "see" back then, or you explained them away somehow to yourself.
Look for patterns of what you are attracted to and WHY.... uncover the reasoning you had why you wanted that relationship or any other reason you got into it or stayed into it. What did you tell yourself to get in or stay in?
Or watch the video I made for you below and start working on your own Relationship History Chart. The data from this chart is the foundation of the next steps to dating in a new way to find true love this time.

Relationship History Chart Video Explanation With Example

Step 5.

Once you are done with your Relationship History Chart, you have a few lists to write up.
Write up Your 3 Essential Lists for Dating (AKA "Your Book of Happiness")
A. Your wants (Literally everything you want in an ideal man.)
B. Your red flags (From your chart, the warning signs you no longer want to ignore.)
C. Your negotiables - thinks you don't like but could deal with. (Because no one is perfect.)

That's How You Write The Book of Happiness (For You)

6. DATE. (Lots and Lots of Dates!)

Go on lots and lots of dates. Give yourself the gift of 90 Days of Dating.
After that you can settle down all you want if you must...
But, you MUST not deprive yourself this dating experience.

Every women needs a real dating phase with lots of picks and lots of men wanting her and taking her out.
Plus, you need plenty of guys to put your dating rating system through, Every date you go on you go home and rate according to your Lists from Step 5. Think of it as a personal dating social experiment. You need plenty of subjects to observe. And choose from.
You need to see for yourself in real life that you have plenty of choices and its critical you evaluate each one for best results.

Besides, you need lots of dates to have the experience of being treated and taken out and just enjoying someone's company and being out.
Don't take that away from yourself, especially if you're a serial dater who just goes one at a time and jumps into that one before checking enough other guys out.
When you pick the first one you like, you really miss out on having 5 guys you like so you can see how they stack up to your lists and then see if your list results match up to what your first gut instinct wanted to do.

How Long Should I Date For?

You can date for a certain length of time and then stop dating for a certain length of time. 

For example you can date for 30 days or for the Spring and you can take time off from dating in-between.

You can do what you want until you find that one guy who has everything on your list you want, none of your red flags and really likes you a lot because you have all the stuff he wants on his want list. 

Then the fun and sparks can really fly.

Another big reason to date this way is to stop the pattern of feeling lonely when you're not dating. 

You need to have the experience of a lot of good guys liking you so that you won't fall for that depression-type thinking that says: 

  • "I'll never find anyone" 
  • "The good ones are taken", or worse, 
  • "No one likes me"

You might not believe me if I told you that there are probably 10 guys that want you already that you don't even know about..
But you'll believe your own (new & different & better) experiences if you follow through with the 6 steps.

Sometimes its easier for a women to think of it a another work assignment or dating experiment so she'll follow it. I hope you decide to try it out.
By following these 6 steps to finding a good man, you get a real life experience of it. 
That is what makes the light bulb go on in your head. Not some intellectual exercise. 
Experience is what opens your eyes. 
Once they are open, you see everything different from then on.

Give Yourself The Gift of Dating

In Summary

To change the way you date is to change your old ways for awhile. Toss them out and learn new ways and give them a try. I did and 9 months later I found my soulmate and we've been together coming up on 9 years now.
These 6 Steps to finally meeting a good, kind, loving man and the relationship history chart, are exactly what I did to find him. I put the work in, and the work paid off because I had a ton of fun and knew what I was doing and why and knew I was worth it and knew sooner or later I'd meet Mister Right-for-Me.

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