Saturday, May 20, 2017

The Empaths Inner Torture - From Fantasy Dreamer to Disappointed Depression - And How to Transmute that into Wisdom

At a Recovery Training today someone happened to share that she had found this great article online about the "Neurology of Disappointment". Since I've been neck deep into neurology these days when it comes to trauma and healing, I couldn't wait to go home and look it up.  I recently found a cool thing on Pinterest about the "Neurology of Anger" and how anger affects the brain. It's a great learning tool for those who struggle with anger.

But before I could get to it, a light bulb went on big time and I had to open my journal and start brain dumping all the thoughts that were just then clicking and forming together.

The neurology of disappointment is like a crash, a hangover if you will. And I saw how that was a huge trigger for depression, right, because during the crash we beat ourselves up and start to neglect ourselves while we obsess on our failures and the disappointment.

But where did the disappointment come from?

Could it be it came from a dreamer who fantasied about his dream of following his heart and calling? The dreamer who fantasies about following her passion and wanting to help people in a deep way with her unique form of wisdom she got from going through a similar experience and now she wants to give back?  Could the dreamer be the brainy-empath personality who love to learn and help others, are introverted and tend to get depressed at times?

They say the best way to learn is to teach and introverts love to learn.

Let me back track for a minute to explain why I added the introvert layer.

I hang out in a lot of cool introvert Facebook groups and one thing I see (that I always kept to  myself), was this fierceness and intense feelings and deep thoughts about them from their anger and revenge fantasies of those who betrayed them, to their intense feeling for others and wanting to save the world. The intense-ness about their art, and their intense-ness about falling in love, and so it makes sens that they have just as much intense disappointment and despair when true love fails.

Introverts are dreams but they are experts at their passions and yet because they are introverts, they don't assertively promote themselves enough to get a success rather than a disappointment. And, because they are so "real" and hate small talk and believe in principles, they are just not into the whole marketing-make-money thing. But their chances to fail and get disappointment increase the more they hide and hope to get discovered or fail to brag about their creations and get them out there.
Then they beat themselves up for being "failures".

I noticed they jump into passionate romances with the wrong person and then burn in pain for decades. They pour themselves into their art only to have no one ever see it. They don't want to brag but then they are hurt no one discovered them. They dedicate themselves to their work and love to learn and to know and to teach and they love books and they love their quiet time.

Now I see the PATTERN of disappointment. Like an addiction cycle: the build up excitement, the procrastination or barrier and lack of action, the let down and crash that it didn't work out.

So.... heal the pattern. Embrace the pattern. See the pattern as your pattern. It's not your fault and you are not a failure.

The trick is to embrace the disappointment so you can go deep into depression to see all the flaws and when you're ready to come out and put it all together as a learning experience of where you went wrong and what you could have done better and how you should have looked out for yourself more and so on. You come out a stronger, wiser and still deep passionate dreamer who should immediately get right back into another dream and pursue it with all you got.

Dreams keep up going. Without them we barely have any motivation to get out of bed in the morning.

We need to feel that excited aliveness of having a dream we're striving for. And we have no problem with that. We know all we need to do it learn it and we love to learn.

So introverts have dreams and fantasies. And some of them are dark.

We have revenge fantasies about those that hurt and devastated us or those who ripped us off and played us, for those that abused us or neglected us or criticized us and pointed out how we not "normal" or good enough, which we internalize and have an inner critic constantly beating ourselves up. Worrying what others think of us and second guessing all our ideas with self-doubt.

Disappointment is a treatable issue as far as Energy Tapping is concerned. We just name it and rate it and then Tap on it and we start healing it that way.

No need to stop dreaming so much time away and start going for it again. We need to take more actions in that time and not just dream and fear and disappointment anymore. No need to give up completely on everything forever, but its OK to take a break from it all too. sometimes we need to process the disappointment to learn from our mistakes and grow wiser.  No need to fear being disappointed which is why we don't even get started on living out some of our dreams. No need to blame ourselves and self-sabotage.

You just attend to the disappointment when your dreams don't work out. Your brain is literally going through like a withdrawal and like an emotional hang-over. It's unresolved and needs to be able to process all the way or it gets stuck there. We get depressed and obsess over it and our inner critic beats us up for failing. All of these issues can be Tapped on with EFT one at a time to start clearing up the emotional hurts and the over all pattern.

You can also Tap on all the rage and hurt behind the revenge fantasies and don't hide those either. Don't be ashamed to have them because it's our nature to have them. They point to where we need some Energy and Neurology healing (where we need to change a pattern, heal the emotion, and transform the thinking, etc.)

The benefit of treating disappointment stories with Energy and Neurology techniques is that it transmutes into WISDOM.  Deep, smart, introverts already have strong intuition and are empaths, so this WISDOM is the way to go. Wisdom helps us respect needs and limits, wisdom helps us make better choices, wisdom is love in action.

If we don't heal and get to wisdom, another nugget of something we learn that makes us better and helps us help others better, then we start taking on people's energy way too much and have problems that empaths complain about that they are hooked into someone else's stuff because they can't help the urge but to want to help. That's the nature of empaths; we feel the world's pain and we are desperate to heal it. We rescue animals and save wales and cry for the children.

Or, we go the other way and cut others out of our life and hide in our isolated introvert-ism and stop trusting people all together because the disappointment is just too much. What if it were just our learning to set boundaries to demand love and respect in return and to re-wire our neurology to seek out like-minded people and not be slave to repeating the same patterns forever?

We could be so much more and contribute to the world so much deeper and profoundly if we heal our disappointed dreams and fears and transmute it with our healing techniques into wisdom, and share that with (the right) people.

All shamans, even wolves, will go off on their own for periods of time and suffer. They learn something deeply important that they then take back to the tribe or the pack and teach the others. It's been seen over and over countless times over the human timeline. It's our nature. It's ok to be a loner and go through a long depression, just don't think that that is the end. It feels like it is, but it isn't. We can heal our issues and then begin to cultivate growth and healing and true wisdom for having gone through hard times. Then depression turns into some major regroup and re-processing times rather than self hating and neglecting and isolating times, stuck in pain and apathy because our brains are literally stuck and the energy there needs to move and be able to process.

Some process with therapy, some with EMDR, some with exercise, some with a coach, some with a new adventure, some with art.  I love all of these, but EFT Tapping is fast, easy and free and you can get so much more done with it in a shorter amount of time, so I prefer that modality.

It does not matter how you process, just be aware that you can process your disappointment crash and it can lead to wisdom and dreaming again. It doesn't have to mean the end of your dreams and never-ending depression. Especially non-productive depression where we go downhill further. There is a way out. Just the thought that there may be a way out, is the first step of the upward spiral of recovery. It's called hope.

The more you embrace your nature, including depression and disappointment, the less you beat yourself up and the more you feel OK with being your unique, imperfect, wise, bad-ass self.

When we're not getting our needs met or not seeing our dreams come true or get disappointed in other people around us, we can get very irritable and angry and resentful and want to lash out. We have our passionate anger issues to embrace too. Or we can get very disappointed and scared and isolate.  But if you were to TAP on your feelings of disappointment, pain and anger, you would then be processing and moving toward your growth and renewed dreams again rather than staying stuck in it.

So add "Disappointment" to your list of things to watch out for and TAP on to clear out the stuck patterns so you can evolve and move on to the next better thing and easily drop the old dream that didn't work and get back to what you really want instead and create your next dream.

Be prepared to have hundreds of dreams and many will disappoint you but some will thrill the heck out of you and will feel like it's all been worth it.

Use EFT and other Energy Tapping techniques to resolve and transform some of the old negative thinking that no longer works for you along the way so you won't have old stuff as barriers that keep you from your new stuff you're doing.

Anyway, I just wanted to capture my excitement at learning that disappointment is a crash and I put that together with how introverts are dreamers and they also tend to get their hearts broken and their dreams smashed and disappointment too many times can lead to giving up and not feeling their dreams or themselves matter.

So by pointing this out I hope to make introverts aware that they can TAP on their disappointments to help them move on and get excited about their next set of goals and dreams that they want to immerse themselves in. It feels good and natural for us to be in our passion and to be expressing our art and teaching our wisdom.

Tap on disappointment and get wiser while at the same time clearing out the old disappointment that holds us back from trying again. But this time you'll try again a little wiser and a little less weighed down from old stuff.

Tap, tap, tap and clear that stuff out of your system and Tap into new choices. Always look for patterns and really Tap on those with determination and you will be richly rewarded.  The reward is in the ability to go for your dreams no matter how many times you've been disappointed and coming our stronger on the other side.

I made a supplemental VIDEO for you to talk about Tapping on Disappointment, Here.

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