Friday, June 23, 2017

What goes around....comes around - My Dad was in the war, and now I'm helping a war refuge

One of my Hmong clients made me an awesome multi purpose bag. This woman can sew! Just perfect and so functional.

It's made like a square handbag, with handles, but another layer in has strings that you can pull which closes it. The strings are long enough to be wore backpack style.

And to make it even more twilight zone, her daughter is mean to her and my mom is mean to me, I need a mother and she needs a daughter to make bags for.

I honor the Hmong people and the Hmong story - the freedom lovers - and am grateful for them helping my dad when he was over in 'Nam. They helped save our American dad's.

And they survive the horrors of real war and have war PTSD, all these years still have it, just like some vets do, and I just happen to be a PTSD expert.  I've been healing it, studying it, embracing it and helping people stuck in it and its the joy of my life to see the light come back on in their eyes. To see them come alive again.

And that's where the Recovery Model and WRAP come in... there's more to life and mental health and recovery then just getting unstuck from the symptoms, it's the perfect time to encourage their interests and engage in their daily life activities and to add into that the Wellness activities of which there are endless ideas for things to do. In other words, wellness is life plus some endorphin producing activities we love to do (sewing) that make life come alive again, in the simple things, the daily routines.

And that's what we did for this lady who made the bags. She made them to say thank you.

Wellness is chop wood carry water, but also color and paint, listen to favorite music, cook a meal with love that feels healthy to you, walking, yoga, animals, writing, helping others, hobbies, fishing, interests, nature, travel, there's just so much to do.

If there is little joy in your life, then focus on these types of activities and you will find joy in the midst of it and it is addictive and has a lingering affect. You just have a smile on your face and a skip in your step a little more. Or at least some relief from being stuck.

All the fatherless Vietnam Vet daughters who also don't have mothers in this American society is so hard to do. We need our mothers. Vietnamese and Hmong refugees are mothers now. Some are unhappy and miss out on mothering in their cultural way because their kids are Americanized and they are integrating into the Western culture, which they need to do to have good lives with good jobs and so forth.  But maybe they are not respecting and appreciating the old country 'backwards' ways of their non-English speaking mothers.

That's ok. It's still great to be in America. And the whole thing is an adventure. Getting unstuck from PTSD opens up a million and one things to do in America.

Now you know they also have their depressed introvert family members and their narcissistic members and so on, so there is the dynamic there of being stuck (husbands chosen for them and married for life) with a spouse that may never once give an ounce of affection. Some of the children may be narcissistic and they are dealing with that devastating (narc abuse syndrome), on top of everything else.

War PTSD and narc abuse and would love to sew 6 amazing handbags to a few social workers that helped her out of her stuck place and gave her hope and encouraged her to do wellness things and she felt better.

She said, "No one ever helped me before but you".  Meaning all these years since Viet Nam war no other social worker ever took the time to listen and know what to look for and know what helps.

Validation, support and encouragement are god sends to these folks. I was her American educated daughter helping her out.  Today she was the mother I never had.. making me things with her own hands.

And by the way, her American daughter thinks she is stupid because she did not finish school and does nothing and knows nothing and yet this stupid woman has sewing skills that need to be passed down to motherless white, black and Mexican women who have narc moms and need a mom figure to be nice to her and teach her to sew.

A sewing circle if you will so many daughters can feel old school mother energy and many mothers can feel love by being a mother. Mothers love to cook for you and sew for you and that makes them feel good. I know, I love it too as a mother.  And there's a lot of mothers who are missing because of drugs and mental health issues and abuse and jail and many things.

Daughters give by letting mothers give to them, and these daughters NEED motherly love.

I wish I could get them together. To match up their needs so they can have some good experiences. Of being loved. Cared about.

It might help fill up the missing wound hole in the hearts of all these women who have gone through trauma in war and at home.

Hmong people helped us in Viet Nam, where my father fought and today I am a counselor with Hmong clients. I never heard of them before. Now I know their story. they were called Freedom Lovers and they helped our men find their way through the mountains they called home. She was just a young girl then, and now she is a mother, What goes around, comes around.

Please SHARE using Social Media Buttons Below. There's someone out there would will appreciate you for it. Thank you! JP Bailey, M.A. Interested in EFT for Codependency Recovery? Get Relief from Emotional Pain & Relationship Issues! Blog: FB: Twitter: Kindle Book: "EFT for Codependency"

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