7 Deep Deep Hurts From Narcissistic Abuse - Special Guest Rinspire Life ...

It's so hard for victims of abuse to look at the ways they are acting like victims. But it's crucial information because that's what narcissists look for in their prey. The adore people who act like victims; they're easy prey. They don't pick on assertive, confident, strong people. Even if you have recovery, and you are practicing being assertive, and you know you're strong, and you've built up your confidence..., but are you lonely? Are you still scared of people looking down on you? Are you always beating yourself up, maybe because your not assertive, confident and strong enough yet? The narc's have an uncanny radar that can pick up the subtle signs that we're needy, so they shower us with praise or attention to get us hooked. They instinctively know we're neglected and hungry for connection and recognition, so they get us this way.

Victims need to know themselves inside and out, including human feelings we're ashamed about, like wanting attention, being adored and respected - we don't want to come across like a narc, so we strive to be "humble", down-to-earth, empathetic and loving. But without us knowing it, others can see we're trying too hard, they can almost feel the desperation emanating from our pours. It's like our energy, our presence, our un-spoken plea is "please love me, please accept me, please see that I'm worthy, I could be your special person/friend/partner and I will love you like no other".  For me, it was because deep down inside I thought if I could just find someone to love, they'd love me back.

That's great that you want to be a good person. But if you don't know your shadow and disowned parts, you'll have no idea that the narc sees and targets you for wanting to be a 'good person'.


What I like about this video above is its real, raw and honest about what is going on with me. Taking the focus on THEM and putting it on me. It's scary to face our shortcomings honestly, we've tried for years to be good or perfect and now we have to face where we were dysfunctional. But when they come to light and we can really SEE them - then we're not in the dark when the predatory types show up in our life. We're not attracting them anymore when we see the bait we put out and stop doing that. We're not naive anymore to how they hook us and push our buttons.

It's devastating at first to find out about them and their tactics and lack of empathy, and its hard to see our part in the codependency-narcissistic dynamic, but that is where freedom lives. That is where we can take our power back and firm up our boundaries and limits. That is where healing begins and you go from victim to survivor and get to work on thriving as you move forward from the toxic relationship pattern to wellness and recovery.

For each of the 7 Hurts, she offers several questions to ask yourself so you can really get to know these parts of yourself, so have a pen and paper handy, or open a text doc and take some notes.

Put a date on it and a year from now listen again and answer the questions again and see how you've grown and how much more aware of yourself you are, and what things you have actively worked on to change.




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Thank you!
JP Bailey, M.A.

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