Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Recovery Tapping for Emotional Freedom
TAP OUT OF FEAR AND INTO CHOICES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hi and Welcome back to Recovery Tapping where we "Tap" (an interesting body-mind technique based on acupuncture) to regain our Emotional Freedom.
Tapping on Emotional Problems releases the emotion so it can resolve itself, as this happens we literally watch them fade away. But what happens then?
We have a spontaneous cognitive shift. I'd like to say it's my brilliant use of tapping and that I'm a natural energy healer and it's all my years as a professional helper at work - but I've seen 10 year old kids pick it up quite fast and get just as amazing results. In fact there is this cute little "Tappy" bear that is for sale. There is a hospital in South American for children with cancer where they use Tappy Bear all the time to bring smiles and emotional relief from the stress of what they are going through.
So, all you have to do it learn the basic technique and that's pretty easy, there's even a short-cut. Memorize the 9-14 points to tap on, and aim it at anything and everything you can think of that causes you problems.
Tap on 10 issues a day and what might you look like in a year?
My entire life has changed around for the better and many others have too.
So what about that cognitive shift, what happens next. Well, once we feel calm about our emotional issue and we've tapped on it our minds can then think it through and we might accept more or feel it's time for a change or time for a new decision.
That's why it's so important to know what you want and know what you would prefer to have instead of this problem.
Dr. Pat Carrington developed the "Choices Method" which is basically tapping on your new choices. After tapping on a problem you then tap on a choice statement, such as, I now choose to take better care of myself more and more every day. You tap on that statement and at the next point you alternate it with the negative 'tail-ender' or aspect that may come up such as, "No, I won't" and you tap on that thought, then on the next point you repeat the new choice and on the next point you tap on the negative "I don't know how, no one ever taught me" and so on until you've done about three rounds and you can clearly tap on the new positive choice without any interference.
Now these are just the basics. I just go over them from time to time for the new readers. You can learn all about EFT for free at emofree.com of course, and you can read my blog posts to find out more about how to use it for codependency recovery.
Many of you have sent emails and some even were brave enough to post comments, I try and answer all emails. I want to thank you for taking the risk and talking about some of the pain you are going through in relationships. It's not easy when you're alone and in pain and have been isolating and depressed for so long.
But I want you to know, Number 1 that you are NOT alone, believe me, there are thousands and thousands of us out there, seek and find each other in groups online and off. There are alot of recovery connections and books to read others struggle.
Number 2 You are OK. You are enough. You are Good Enough.
Just say that to yourself and let it sink in for a change.
Just for today you can be OK and each day a little more. I used affirmations for months that were something like this:
"Every day and in every way I'm getting more and more ok. I'm getting used to being ok. It's ok to feel ok."
Using the words "more and more" and "getting used to" really helped me because after a long depression you really aren't used to feeling ok and you don't know that you could get more and more ok in the beginning of your recovery.
In the beginning you may be numb, angry or feeling nothing but pain. That's good! Feeling is a good thing because that is easy to Tap on. It's when you feel flat and not much of anything that it might be hard to even want to try anything.
But even with that there is a Tapping solution, Tap on "Even though I don't feel anything, I love and accept myself." "Even though I don't feel I love and accept myself, I love and accept myself."
So if you are used to feeling your feelings and processing them you already have an edge. You don't try to cover up the bad feelings by forcing positive affirmations on top of them. You can just go ahead and feel your feelings and tap while you are tuned into them and watch the miracles happen.
But I wanted to get back to some of your questions. Yes, I am still currently working on "Dating in Recovery Part III" and it will be put together with Part I, Part II and Part II continued. I'm making it into a nice little booklet that I will give away for free.
A free gift just for looking at my new site I'm launching for my new book "Emotional Freedom Techniques for Codependency Recovery" which is at www.RecoveryTapping.com.
OK, but what if you're going through hell right now?
There's a quote out there I heard years ago, "When you're going through hell, keep going."
Don't stop and stare.
Or when in 'the hallway' (when one door closes and another one doesn't open yet), go window shopping or decorate.
Things will change and shift - they will anyway, nothing stays the same, but if you actively keep moving yourself then it will change better faster. Movement is life. Everything moves all the time. We never stop moving until we're dead. Flat lines are for dead people, so it's ok if you’re going up and down or spiraling around. Just keep moving.
It's OK to not feel OK. It really is all ok.
So what I've done below is taken a combination of several of your emails and put them together into questions you can ask yourself about being codependent and stuck and then a Tapping statement to tap on.
Do you suffer from people pleasing and feeling guilty?
If so, then tap on "Even though I suffer from people pleasing and feeling guilty all the time, I deeply and completely love and accept myself."
Do you feel guilty for things that do not belong to you or are not really your fault or your responsibility?
"Even though I take on other people's guilt, I love and accept myself."
"Even though I feel guilty just for wanting relief from my guilt, I love and accept myself.
That is just what I learned and I am learning new ways now. From now on I choose to feel free of guilt.
Do you put yourself in harm's way by being around alcoholics/addicts/abusive relatives, rage-aholics, and difficult people?
This is a tough one especially if you live with one. But you can start taking yourself out of the firing range. You can begin to put up a boundary between you and them that doesn't let the hooks dig into you as much. You can learn to focus on yourself rather than on other people's problems. Of course, if someone is being abusive to you start working on a plan to take care of and protect yourself. Start talking to someone about it.
"Even though I'm afraid to talk to anyone about my situation, I love and accept myself."
"Even though I've been hurt and feel stuck and am afraid I'll get hurt again, I love and accept myself."
It's amazing how tapping will help your mind shift into healthier thinking and help you take healthier actions. Take baby steps. Take nano steps if you have to. But keep moving.
Do you take disapproval and criticism very hard? Have you been accused of being too sensitive and emotional as if it's a bad thing? Do you feel nervous around certain family members or critical people?
"Even though I am sensitive and emotional, I love and accept myself just the way I am."
"Even though I feel afraid of critical people, I love and accept myself."
If you have been tapping on these issues, it's time to start asking yourself, "Now, what would I rather have instead?" And start tapping on that new choice after each tapping round.
Do you feel guilty when you do something for yourself?
"Even though I feel guilt when I take good care of myself or don't feel I deserve to treat myself better, I love and accept myself."
"I now choose to feel free and innocent and that it's perfectly fine to take good care of myself. From now on I take better care of myself."
When you start setting boundaries, you may feel awkward at first but you know, as an adult, you have the right to change your mind - even without explaining yourself to anyone.
You can stand firm in just saying, "I've changed my mind." period.
You are not obligated to give answers. You can also say, "I prefer....this or that." "I prefer not to get into this discussion."
You are only obligated to take care of your own needs and your business.
If you volunteer for something you can "unvolunteer" yourself by changing your mind. You can say you have something else to do or simply say you've changed your mind, if you need to, you can say something like, "I'm really sorry but it's just not going to work out for me this time."
When you get in panic mode, tap.
Tap while saying a prayer. Tap while saying the Serenity Prayer.
Tap for strength. Tap for guidance.
Tap for peace.
When a guilt trip is thrown at you, you don't have to take it to heart, you can just take it as a sign that the other person has issues and is reacting. They will even get used to it if you stick to your guns. You will begin to care less and less about what other people think about you as you continue tapping on your worst fears and deepest shame.
If you do decide to set a boundary and take care of yourself better instead, and you feel terrible about it later and guilty and shameful, acknowledge it, tap on it while you're feeling it, it will subside.
Don't go running back to people for forgiveness and end up doing more stuff for them for their approval. Tap on that anxiety first and see what happens.
Don't let anyone talk down to you or talk you down or talk you in or out of something. You can just say, "No, thanks. Have a nice day, gotta go." And walk away.
You can wait and do nothing and listen to your intuition.
Take care of yourself first just this afternoon, just for the rest of today, just for today. Just for an hour put your needs first, they deserve your attention too.
Connect with friends who encourage you to take care of yourself, all else will fall into place.
When you feel trapped, ask yourself what two choices do you feel trapped between? Then ask yourself where did you get only those two choices? Ask yourself what other choices might you have.
What other choices might someone else have in your situation? What would a rebel teenager say about your situation? What would a protective social worker or cop say? What would a wise teacher say? What would a fair, impartial judge say?
What does a brave adventurer say? What about a person with lots of tools, what would they say?
All these people are inside of you and more.
What does your wise self say?
What does your recovery part say?
What would your sponsor or coach say?
Just ask. When you put your fears and problems into questions and ask yourself these types of questions, your brain automatically goes searching for an answer. Sometimes it's easier to give support and advice to someone else than to yourself. So what if someone came to you with the problem you are having and they asked you for your help? What would you say or do for them? That is a good insight to what you can give yourself.
"Even though it's easier to help others than it is to help myself, I love and accept myself."
"Even though I'm afraid and I don't know what to do, I love and accept myself."
Give yourself permission to have choices. Allow yourself to hope but not expect.
Remember, regardless of what other people do or say, your life will continue on with little impact of what others choose to do with their life. Can always choose to let it go.
You can always start your day over.
You can Tap your way to Emotional Freedom, one day at a time.
If your are like me and are tired of the same old codependency books that just tell you how you got it, what the symptoms are and not much else on what to really DO about it to finally clear away the emotional triggers and pattern behaviors - then learn EFT - Energy Tapping and you can start getting clear tonight.
See my free report and my new book I wrote "EFT for Codependency Recovery" at www.RecoveryTapping.com
JP Bailey, MA
Emotional Freedom Coach