Sunday, January 8, 2017
Do You Throw Yourself Back to The Wolves - For Closure?
DO YOU THROW YOURSELF BACK TO THE WOLVES LOOKING FOR CLOSURE IN YOUR RELATIONSHP?
Why would we ignore signs and go back in for more? Why would we throw ourselves into conversations that leave us more injured than we were to start with? Why can't we stand it just to let abuse happen and not talk or resolve it or get an apology or the truth or expect security again?
We want to know why. Why, why why did they do it? We want to know what is so terribly wrong with us that would make someone want to stab us in the heart so terribly when all we've ever done is love them with all our heart, mind, soul and body, our car, our home, our bank account?
What if the closure can NEVER come from the one that is abusing you?
What if they use ongoing mental abusive tacktics to keep us stringing along bleeding and throwing us off the trail by pulling the rug out from under us everytime they turn to us to finally respond?
We only wanted an apology.
And maybe to understand why they did it.
And we most of all want closure because it doesn't seemed closed to you. It seems to speak to a bigger overall issue that you can't put your finger on. Your attention is now about 99% on him/her and your relationship with him/her. 1% is on going to the bathroom. You're barely eating. You zombie through the usual chores of living. You are completely focused on him. Your life seems to be hanging by a strong he/she controls and is on hold. You can't move on from yet so you wait. You wait a very long time and alot of that time is focused on alot of mental rumination about what happened.
You see red flags and warning signs, but you won't listen to your friends. You are embarrassed to talk about it because you know they will not understand, they will just look down on you for being there and taking it.
You know you can figure this out yourself or better yet you know how to be ultra good so he/she will figure out how wonderful you are and be nice, honest, loving and kind again. What attracted you to him/her in the first place? Write it down and save it for later.
Right now you are looking for closure so you have the urge to start or esculate because you just want to be heard. You want to be heard and understood and your experience validated. That and an acknowldgement that what they did was wrong or unfair and that you are due an apology and even should have it made up to you with it never happenging again.
That's all normal and good. It may not be realistic to get all this from him/her at this time.
So the best thing to do is share. To find a trusting, supportive group where you can share with others who really do understand it because they are going through it too and some of them have gone through it years ago and have recovered alot more now. They all will nod their heads and welcome you and accept you unconditionally.
This may be online or off and anonymous or by topic, but there are lots of people have found and formed groups to process and recovery from the affects of abuse of any kind from any time in one's life.
There is life after abuse and recovering from it. Theres a path of recovery and there are the tools of tapping that will help you the most the fastest and the emotionally the easiest many of us were fortunate to have found.
Try to put more attention on yourself or your kids or your job or your art or hobbie and find a yahoo group that will help. Use a new email name.
I wrote an article that might also help called: "Detach From Users, Losers & Abusers - How to Detox from Toxic People with EFT". I will post it soon.
Be gentle with yourself.
Jeanette P. Bailey, MA is the founder of Recovery Tapping
It is her mission to help people clear up the issues that keep showing up in their relationships so that they can move forward in positivity and live the life they’ve always dreamed of.
For writings, books, blogs and more please visit http://www.recoverytapping.com