Do You Throw Yourself Back to The Wolves - For Closure?

DO YOU THROW YOURSELF BACK TO THE WOLVES LOOKING FOR CLOSURE IN YOUR RELATIONSHP?

Why would we ignore signs and go back in for more? Why would we throw ourselves into conversations that leave us more injured than we were to start with? Why can't we stand it just to let abuse happen and not talk or resolve it or get an apology or the truth or expect security again?

We want to know why. Why, why why did they do it? We want to know what is so terribly wrong with us that would make someone want to stab us in the heart so terribly when all we've ever done is love them with all our heart, mind, soul and body, our car, our home, our bank account?

What if the closure can NEVER come from the one that is abusing you?

What if they use ongoing mental abusive tacktics to keep us stringing along bleeding and throwing us off the trail by pulling the rug out from under us everytime they turn to us to finally respond?

We only wanted an apology.

And maybe to understand why they did it.

And we most of all want closure because it doesn't seemed closed to you. It seems to speak to a bigger overall issue that you can't put your finger on. Your attention is now about 99% on him/her and your relationship with him/her. 1% is on going to the bathroom. You're barely eating. You zombie through the usual chores of living. You are completely focused on him. Your life seems to be hanging by a strong he/she controls and is on hold. You can't move on from yet so you wait. You wait a very long time and alot of that time is focused on alot of mental rumination about what happened.

You see red flags and warning signs, but you won't listen to your friends. You are embarrassed to talk about it because you know they will not understand, they will just look down on you for being there and taking it.

You know you can figure this out yourself or better yet you know how to be ultra good so he/she will figure out how wonderful you are and be nice, honest, loving and kind again. What attracted you to him/her in the first place? Write it down and save it for later.

Right now you are looking for closure so you have the urge to start or esculate because you just want to be heard. You want to be heard and understood and your experience validated. That and an acknowldgement that what they did was wrong or unfair and that you are due an apology and even should have it made up to you with it never happenging again.

That's all normal and good. It may not be realistic to get all this from him/her at this time.

So the best thing to do is share. To find a trusting, supportive group where you can share with others who really do understand it because they are going through it too and some of them have gone through it years ago and have recovered alot more now. They all will nod their heads and welcome you and accept you unconditionally.

This may be online or off and anonymous or by topic, but there are lots of people have found and formed groups to process and recovery from the affects of abuse of any kind from any time in one's life.

There is life after abuse and recovering from it. Theres a path of recovery and there are the tools of tapping that will help you the most the fastest and the emotionally the easiest many of us were fortunate to have found.

Try to put more attention on yourself or your kids or your job or your art or hobbie and find a yahoo group that will help. Use a new email name.

I wrote an article that might also help called: "Detach From Users, Losers & Abusers - How to Detox from Toxic People with EFT". I will post it soon.

Be gentle with yourself.


Jeanette P. Bailey, MA is the founder of Recovery Tapping

It is her mission to help people clear up the issues that keep showing up in their relationships so that they can move forward in positivity and live the life they’ve always dreamed of.

For writings, books, blogs and more please visit http://www.recoverytapping.com

Welcome to Recovery Tapping - Tap Out of Fear and Into Choices - 

Yeah, so I got my weekly Depression Wellness Recovery Art Class started up and going.

I've had a few people show up, a few regulars and one drop-in.

Plus I've been spreading the word to people every day so I expect a steady growth in members.


Anywhoo.  it worked out well to start with the Symptoms of Depression first, and then put them into 1 of 3 categories (body, mind, emotion), which serves to justify the use of daily GRAPES.

Then we jump into GRAPES with the handouts I already described last blog post, and then go into negative thinking and reframing negative, critical, depressed thinking into wellness affirmations.

Along with that we put in coloring or doodle pages in-between and just also decided to add a doodle border to each worksheet moving forward.

I got the bones of it, but the members of the class also help create this thing by adding in their two cents as we go and their feedback on what I've put together as well.

Everyone leave happy. They smile more. They are glad they came. They got their social support goal met for the week and they like it.

This gives me great personal pleasure and satisfaction.

Now.., how do I bring my 3 recovery binders full of energy psychology and recovery with positive psychology "stuff" into the picture?

Answer: I don't know, just one step at a time.

It's ok if one step at a time feels like a slow crawl.

Like I'm behind and gotta catch up and get all this stuff out there...

But I have to be in the moment today and go with the crawl.

Embrace the crawl.

I've learned to just embrace all the shit that happens, because shit it suppose to happen.

Embrace it, feel it, mindfulness it, and clear it up in time too.


And that's what the next part of the class is all about:  how to deal with the shit that happens.

That's where EFT Tapping come in. We will learn EFT in 5 Easy Steps and start applying that to our negative thinking and feeling and get some movement there.

And also, this is where MINDFULNESS come in too. We will practice it together in several ways, not just the healing way.  We will mindfully color and doodle without realizing it half the time. We will learn SOMATIC MINDFULNESS so we will get used to going within and feeling somatic markers and beyond for those interested, into communicating with them.

Then there is the whole Energy Moves thing, from Donna Eden and some basic Qi Gong moves to teach the class so they can get their ENERGY EXERCISE in their day. To get their Energy up and activated the lazy man's way - by sitting there in your chair and doing Energy Tapping and Energy Moves and FEEL BETTER

Of course from there we will move into physical exercise brainstorming of what each one likes to do ad aim for 15-30 minutes a day. Daily movement. Daily eating healthy as you can. Daily recvery plan actions.

That's the point. Create a daily recovery plan that is easy and fun to do and easily do-able. That's the point, because in depression everything is HARD.

Which reminds me, we're going to also talk about the Upward Spiral, a book I found that explains the theory and neural-science perfectly.

GRAPES is a planned path for stopping the downward spiral of depression and starting to slowly increase the positive things in life (rather than try to just 'fix' the problems and negatives).

GRAPES is your way up the spiral out of depression for relief and recovery.

 So that's it. It's going and growing and where we want to go each week.



NEW:  I've decided to upload the hand-outs to this blog so everyone else can learn it too.

I have various handouts for mental health recovery.
I have all the handouts in draft for this new depression wellness class I'm talking about above.

I plan to put the class handouts into a booklet for everyone who shows up for the class.


 I'll scan those in to my computer as pdfs that I hope I can easily load onto this blog. I may have to email them to myself first or put them in G-Docs first, IDK, but I'll get to that bridge.

Until next week... Take Good Care and eat your Daily GRAPES.

Thanks for reading.

Love & Hugs
Jeanette










by J.P.Bailey, MA
Mental Health Recovery Specialist
Author of  "EFT for Codependency"
(Look for it on Amazon)